“So tell me what you want, what you really, really want,” exclaimed the Spice Girls back in ’96, and sadly, almost thirty years later, many of still us suddenly get shy when it comes to telling someone what we really, really want, especially when it comes to BDSM, D/S, and kink. Perhaps it is because we think those things we really, really want are so unique that others would not want them. We fill our minds with worry, wondering if we shared it, the answer would be “no”. Plus the fear that this no would also lead to possibly having the person we shared it with no longer see us as desirable. The truth is fetishes, sexual fantasies, and all things kinktastic that we might hesitate to share are shared by thousands who never speak about them. Discover just how common our naughty sides are, and next time you look around at your co-workers, you will be wondering which ones are into this too!
How did you discover BDSM?
My story began with an ancient Roman historian, hunger pangs, a taco craving, and a healthy dose of naivety. Then came the moment I ran into a professor at what seemed like the wrong place (a porn store) at the wrong time. As if there is ever a good time to see a professor in a porn shop, color me mortified.
Discover how Tacitus, tacos, and fate brought me to the BDSM community in ways I never saw coming. Tune in to hear how it all connects in this BDSM podcast episode and prepare to be surprised by the most unlikely path into D/S.
Just a quick update following one of the most amazing birthday weekends.
In the world of D/S there is much written and said about redflags in dominants but what happens when supposed red flags are actually green flags? Or a submissive mistakenly blames a dominant for upholding their boundaries, labels them as a fake because they are not a sadist, or heaven forbidden they are a caring soul?
This episode looks at what some have called red flags but are actually positive, green flags, breaking myths and stereotypes helping you avoid the scourge of false warnings to see positive omens hidden in the myths.
How does a flaming car connect to BDSM vetting, D/S, and kink? What happens when you focus so much on being open to being vetted that you do not do your homework on someone? In this episode, I reveal the mistakes I made and the heavy cost of replacing due diligence with blind trust. This story stands as one of my most valuable BDSM lifestyle and relationship lessons. Listen to uncover the warning signs I overlooked that led to automobile flambé.
People often say “trust me,” but in BDSM and kink, trust goes far beyond words. In this episode of Chatting With The Lightkeeper, uncover why saying “trust me” does not make someone trustworthy. This is why it is essential to invest time in proper vetting, whether someone is a potential play partner or a long-term life partner. In this episode, you will hear about red flags to avoid, green flags that show promise, practical tips to improve vetting, and common processes that seem helpful but can actually be risky.
A man once believed that lemon juice could make him invisible to security cameras. He had read that lemon juice worked as invisible ink, and he assumed the same principle applied to his face. He robbed a bank and was shocked when he was arrested. This episode uses that story to examine the kinds of false assumptions and overconfidence that can show up in BDSM.
The episode is about self-awareness, poor logic, and the very real consequences of not understanding what you are doing. It breaks down how ego, lack of communication, and assumptions can lead to serious mistakes in kink. It offers direct insight for anyone who wants to improve their practice, avoid common pitfalls, and take BDSM seriously.
This episode of Chatting With The Lightkeeper is personal.
A recent family emergency brought forward a challenge to my identity as a dominant. According to some, my actions mean I am not a "true" dominant. In this episode, I explain what happened, explore why rigid definitions can be more harmful than helpful, and discuss how there are moments in every D/S relationship when the focus must shift to partnership rather than roles. This is a reflective and provocative conversation about leadership, care, and the reality of living this lifestyle.
What really happens when a dominant says they are punishing their submissive?
This episode takes a provocative look at the outdated idea of punishment in D/S relationships and why it may be time to leave it behind. From the misunderstood kink of being “punished” to the concept of “funishment,” and then beyond into more constructive alternatives, the conversation challenges long-held assumptions and asks whether punishment has any place at all in a healthy dynamic. If you are tired of hearing that D/S must include punishment, this episode offers a bold rethink.
Do not cross my state line, obey the legal limit, and is it time to reexamine negotiation?
Often the words boundaries and limits are used interchangeably in BDSM and kink but there are differences. Find out what those key differences are and why they are so important.
Next, the phrase "negotiate consent" covers an incredibly important topic but when it comes to consent are we really negotiating? Should we be negotiating something so precious? Ascertain why we can do better.
All in this episode!
You had questions, and you did not hold back. From the awkward to the bold, the curious to the complicated, your inquiries about BDSM, D/S, and kink were sharp, honest, and wide ranging. In part one, the conversation began. Now it is time to get into the rest, including the surprises, the tougher dilemmas, and the ones people usually keep to themselves. Grab those earbuds and settle in. Part two is ready for you.
Recently I asked you, the listeners, to ask your questions about BDSM, D/S, and kink and the variety and scope of the questions are amazing. The questions cover so much ground, from navigating ethical gray areas, how to talk with an uptight partner about getting kinky, or handle laughter mid-scene plus some dared ask those questions people think but rarely ask!
So put on those earbuds, pull up a chair, get comfy, and press play on the first of a two part episode dedicated your questions!
In this episode learn how a recent back injury turned myattention to feeling jealous. Discover how this powerful feeling is a valid human emotion present in all relationship types, including BDSM, D/S, kink and even polyamorous ones. Jealousy is not a sign of insecurities but a telltale ofcaring deeply. Learn some of the subtle signs like withdrawal or passive aggression that can indicate jealousy and find out how this intense emotion can strengthen your relationships.
Are you ready to reframe jealousy and craft a stronger bond?
What happens when the screen fades on online chats and fantasy, and those desires crash headfirst into the intricate realities of in-person commitment?
Join me for an exploration of the real-world challenges of moving from online chatting and fantasy to genuine, in-person lifestyle commitment. I share my own journey through the challenges, fears, and unexpected rewards of living D/S in real life. No matter where you are in your D/S journey, you will gain real-world insight that will strengthen authentic connections for moving off screens and into real life.
“Are you experienced?" Jimi Hendrix asked decades ago and that is the question Edward tackles in this episode of Chatting with the Lightkeeper. Surprisingly, a recent poll revealed that while a majority of those newer to the lifestyle,nearly half would not consider an equal or less experienced partner. Why this apparent contradiction? Explore the expectations of newcomers, the hesitations of veterans who have seen a few rodeos, the potential pitfalls of the fake it until you make it mentality, and a crucial warning about predatory people fishing for those who have less experience. Could your ideal partner be a blank slate, or is experience non-negotiable?
Emotional maturity is not optional in BDSM. Some handle conflict with honesty and accountability, while others deflect, manipulate, or push boundaries when emotions run high. Can you spot the difference? This episode does not just talk about red and green flags; it challenges you to look closer at the signs people show and the ones you might be missing. What does emotional maturity really look like, and how does it shape the strength of a dynamic? Some answers may be obvious, but others might make you rethink what you thought you knew.
Standing tall against the storm, lighthouses have guided countless ships to safety, their unwavering beams cutting through even the darkest nights. Behind those lights were the keepers, steadfast, disciplined, and ever watchful. Much like a dominant in a D/S relationship, they provided direction, stability, and protection, ensuring those who depended on them never felt lost at sea. This episode explores the fascinating parallels between lighthouses, their keepers, and the role of a dominant. What does it take to be a beacon a submissive can trust? How does consistency shape security? Step into a world where leadership is not about control but about standing strong when the waves rise.
Words are powerful, from small words like “no” to those longwhat exactly do they mean words. When the conversation turns to BDSM, words can become the lyrics of pleasure, pleasurable pain, or just pain. Even words commonly associated with BDSM, submissive for example, can be defined differently, by different people. In this episode, join Edward as he explains why he is so “wordy” while wandering down the rabbit hole of lifestyle words that are pet peeves. So buckle up, sit back, and enjoy this audio adventure which just will make you look at some kinky words with a fresh point of view.
The lifestyle is full of ideas that sound enticing on the surface, but not everything that seems romantic holds up under scrutiny. In this episode of Chatting With The Lightkeeper, the conversation turns to consent and safewords: two concepts often discussed, yet frequently misunderstood. Is consent just a legal formality, or is theremore beneath the surface? What happens when implied consent leads to unexpected complications? And are safewords really just an emergency brake, or do theyserve a greater purpose? Some beliefs can be alluring, but reality has a way of exposing the cracks.
Listen now to uncover what is often overlooked.
BDSM Without A Script takes a fresh look at how bringing your true self into BDSM makes it more fulfilling. From something small, like the way you write D/S, to the pet names, avatars, and usernames you choose, every detail matters. This episode explores the importance of personal expression in BDSM. Forget about following someone else’s formula, BDSM is about creating a unique journey that reflects who you truly are. Tune in for an honest conversation about how embracing your individuality is key to a meaningful, kinktastic journey.
