It's Jacqueline Taylor Schimmel-Haas' birthday, and she's been preparing for months her 2025 list of things she hates - some are broad, some are niche, but all of them are felt deeply in her soul. Thanks for supporting my sponsors: Wayfair: Get organized, refreshed, and back to routine for way less at www.Wayfair.com Nutrafol: For a limited time, use code BIBLE to get $10 off your first month’s subscription and free shipping at www.Nutrafol.com SKIMS: Shop my favorite bras and underwear at www.SKIMS.com See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie gets her sphincter lasered, creates a fake Instagram for her husband, and has the harsh realization that she may never see Cheryl again. Thanks for supporting my sponsors! Hero Bread: Use code JACKIE at checkout to get 10% off your order at www.hero.co Hungryroot: For a limited time get 40% off your first box plus a free item in every box for life at www.Hungryroot.com/bitchbible Little Spoon: Enter code BIBLE at checkout to get 30% off your first order at www.LittleSpoon.com/BIBLE Ritual: Get 25% off your first month at www.ritual.com/BIBLE SKIMS: Shop my favorite bras and underwear at www.SKIMS.com See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie deals with a biohazard event with her drunken sorority sister Clyde, chastises the internet for its mediocrity and lack of intelligence, and does a very special Ask Me Anything. Thanks for supporting my sponsors: Chime: Make everyday purchases count with Chime’s Secured Credit Builder Visa® Credit Card at www.chime.com/JACKIE Hungryroot: For a limited time get 40% off your first box plus a free item in every box for life at www.Hungryroot.com/bitchbible Pique: Get 10% off for life, backed by a 90-day money-back guarantee at www.Piquelife.com/BIBLE Ritual: Get 25% off your first month at www.ritual.com/BIBLE Homes.com: Find everything you need to know about buying a home all in one place at www.homes.com See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie suspects she has been bugged by Scientology after her live show in Clearwater, discusses the real problem with Madi Prewett’s husband, and the traumatic experience of visiting a public splash pad on a weekend. Thanks for supporting my sponsors: Magic Spoon: Get $5 off your next order at www.MagicSpoon.com/BITCHBIBLE Home Chef: For a limited time, get 50% off and free shipping on your first box, plus free dessert for life at www.HomeChef.com/BIBLE Hers: Get a personalized, affordable plan today at www.forhers.com/BIBLE BetterHelp: Your well-being is worth it. Get 10% off your first month at www.BetterHelp.com/BITCHBIBLE Homes.com: Everything you need to know about buying a home all in one place at www.homes.com See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

How much does Jackie hate the beach? Let her count the ways… Jackie suggests JoJo Siwa is in desperate need of a transformational, spiritual journey to make up for the developmental damage she has accumulated as a former child star, asks Andrew what he loves most about her, and rails against frosted glass doors and the character flaws they harbor. Thanks for Supporting My Sponsors: Cornbread Hemp: Use code BITCHBIBLE at checkout to get 30% off your first order at www.CornbreadHemp.com/BITCHBIBLE Nutrafol: For a limited time, use code BIBLE to get $10 off your first month’s subscription at www.Nutrafol.com Hero Bread: Use code JACKIE to get 10% off your order at www.hero.co Little Spoon: Use code BIBLE to get 30% off your first order at www.LittleSpoon.com/BIBLE Homes.com: Everything you need to know about buying a home, all in one place at www.Homes.com See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie recaps the first leg of her Dim the Lights tour, discovers that she is brave and vulnerable, and introduces Clyde to the bright lights of show business. Thanks for supporting my sponsors! Magic Spoon: Get $5 off your next order at www.MagicSpoon.com/BITCHBIBLE Wayfair: Shop outdoor furniture, grills, lawn games, and way more for way less at www.Wayfair.com Pique: Get 20% off, plus a free rechargeable frother and glass beaker at www.Piquelife.com/Bible Home Chef: For a limited time, get 50% off and free shipping on your first box, plus free dessert for life at www.HomeChef.com/BIBLE SKIMS: Shop my favorite bras and underwear at www.SKIMS.com Hers: Start your free online visit today at www.forhers.com/BIBLE See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie deals with her Grammy nomination snub, why some funerals feel like low budge Coachella and delights with some new poetry she penned after a few cocktails of despair. Thanks for supporting my sponsors! Hungryroot: For a limited time get 40% off your first box, plus a free item in every box for life at www.Hungryroot.com/bitchbible LittleSpoon: Get 30% off your first order at www.LittleSpoon.com/BIBLE Hero Bread: Use code JACKIE at checkout to get 10% off your order at www.hero.co Ritual:Get 25% off your first month at www.ritual.com/BIBLE SKIMS: Shop my favorite bras and underwear at www.skims.com/bible #skimspartner See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie is joined by Olympic figure skater Adam Rippon to discuss Chat GPT's lies, waxing mishaps, and Adam's obsession with collecting stone fruit, crystals, and life-size porcelain animals. Thanks for supporting my sponsors! Pique: Get 20% off, plus a free rechargeable frother and glass beaker at www.Piquelife.com/Bible Chime: Open your account in 2 minutes at www.chime.com/JACKIE Hungryroot: For a limited time get 40% off your first box, plus a free item in every box for life at www.Hungryroot.com/bitchbible Ritual: Get 25% off your first month at www.ritual.com/BIBLE Homes.com: Everything you need to know about buying a home all in one place at www.homes.com See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie takes up pickling, shoots up at a child’s birthday party in the park, and goes over her tour packing-list that will almost certainly get Josh searched by the TSA. Thanks for supporting my sponsors! Nutrafol: Get $10 off your first month's subscription and free shipping when you enter the promo code BIBLE at www.Nutrafol.com Homes.com: Everything you need to know about buying a house, all in one place www.Homes.com Hero Bread: Use code JACKIE at checkout to get 10% off your order at www.Hero.co SKIMS: Shop my favorite bras and underwear at www.skims.com/bible #skimspartner Addyi: Check out the FDA-approved treatment for certain premenopausal women who are bothered by low libido and want their sex drive back at www.Addyi.com See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie mourns the death of quiet luxury, heralded by Jeff Bezos and Lauren Sanchez’s childhood-trampoline-park-Chuck-E-Cheese style wedding invitations, grey CVS aisle carpet, and nonsensical guest list. Also, Sydney Sweeney’s collaboration with Basking Robbins - Gummy Bears! Thanks for supporting my sponsors: Pique: Nourish your body the right way. Get 20% off, plus a free rechargeable frother and glass beaker at Piquelife.com/Bible Ritual: Don’t settle for less than evidence-based support. Get 25% off your first month today at www.ritual.com/BIBLE BetterHelp: Get 10% off your first month at www.BetterHelp.com/BITCHBIBLE Little Spoon: Simplify your kiddo’s mealtime with 30% off your first order at www.LittleSpoon.com/BIBLE See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie recounts a harrowing experience trying to buy candle pillars for grandma Gloria, has a religious experience with a pink canvas Bottega jacket, and regurgitates the timeless story of backdoor Rhonda. Thanks for supporting my sponsors! Pique: Nourish your body the right way. Get 20% off, plus a free rechargeable frother and glass beaker at Piquelife.com/Bible Addyi: Check out the FDA-approved treatment for certain premenopausal women who are bothered by low libido and want their sex drive back at www.Addyi.com Home Chef: For a limited time, get 50% off and free shipping for your first box, plus free dessert for life at www.HomeChef.com/BIBLE See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie addresses some public scrutiny from a recent radio appearance, discusses what Labubu represents, talks shit on Andrew for party mix, and reveals her sister's childhood sapphic inclinations. Thanks for supporting my sponsors! Leesa: Get 25% off mattresses, plus get an extra $50 off with promo code BIBLE at www.Leesa.com Cornbread CBD: Use code BITCHBIBLE at checkout to save 30% on your first order at www.CornbreadHemp.com/BITCHBIBLE Chime: Work on your financial goals through Chime today, and open an account in 2 minutes at www.chime.com/JACKIE Nutrafol: Enter code BIBLE to get $10 off your first month’s subscription and free shipping at www.Nutrafol.com Addyi: Check out the FDA-approved treatment for certain premenopausal women who are bothered by low libido and want their sex drive back at www.Addyi.com See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie makes her highly anticipated (not really) return and attempts to breeze into 2018 with the finesse of a young Grace Kelly. Until she is confronted with a rat mid recording and has to seek shelter, refuge, alcohol and access to basic cable. New year, same bitch.     Thanks for supporting my sponsors! Hero Bread: Use code JACKIE at checkout to get 10% off your order at www.hero.co Hungryroot: For a limited time, get free shipping and 50% off your first box, plus free dessert for life at www.HomeChef.com/BIBLE Little Spoon: Use code BIBLE at checkout to get 30% off your first order at www.LittleSpoon.com/BIBLE Ritual: Don’t settle for less than evidence-based support. Get 25% off your first month at www.ritual.com/BIBLE See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie is solo parenting this week and explains why Andrew's use of the words "Cozy" and "Chilly" is grounds for divorce. She also gives the single best piece of advice for high-schoolers, points out the consequences of Carrie Underwood turning her back on her gay fans, and makes her stance on Labubu clear. Thanks for supporting my sponsors! Ritual: Don’t settle for less than evidence-based support. Get 25% off your first month at www.Ritual.com/BIBLE Home Chef: For a limited time, get 50% off and free shipping for your first box, plus free dessert for life at www.HomeChef.com/BIBLE SKIMS: Check out the SKIMS Ultimate Bra Collection and more at www.skims.com/bible Hungryroot: For a limited time get 40% off your first box, plus a free item in every box for life at www.Hungryroot.com/bitchbible See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie advises JLo and Sydney Sweeney to approach life from a place of 'no', gives her opinion on personalized license plates and Disney adults, and answers (and criticizes) listeners' burning questions. Dim the Lights Tickets: www.TheBitchBible.com/tour Thanks for supporting my sponsors! Hero Bread: Use code JACKIE at checkout to get 10% off your order at www.Hero.co This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp: Get 10% off your first month at www.BetterHelp.com/BITCHBIBLE Addyi: Check out the FDA-approved treatment for certain premenopausal women who are bothered by low libido and want their sex drive back at www.Addyi.com See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie discusses bearing the burden of other people's stupidity, her new obsession with Diana Agraon's longing for a simple life with froot, and plans her second wedding. Thanks for supporting my sponsors! Cornbread CBD: Use code BITCHBIBLE at checkout to save 30% on your first order at www.CornbreadHemp.com/BITCHBIBLE Little Spoon: Enter code BIBLE at checkout to get 30% off your first order at www.LittleSpoon.com/BIBLE Nutrafol: Enter code BIBLE to get $10 off your first month’s subscription and free shipping at www.Nutrafol.com See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie discusses her pre-menstrual cycle dreams, announces her (presumably) Sundance and Cannes award-winning live show, and gives updates on the Diddy and Blake Lively cases using her best legal jargon. Thanks for supporting my sponsors! Leesa Mattress: Get 20% off mattresses, plus get an extra $50 off with promo code BIBLE at www.Leesa.com Addyi: Check out the FDA-approved treatment for certain premenopausal women who are bothered by low libido and want their sex drive back at www.Addyi.com IQBAR: Get 20% off all IQBAR products, plus get shipping by texting BIBLE to 64000 Home Chef: Get 50% off and free shipping for your first box, plus free dessert for life at www.HomeChef.com/BIBLE Timeline: Get 10% off your order of Mitopure at www.timeline.com/bitchbible See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie is joined by Hannah Berner to discuss a myriad of things that will ultimately get them the presidential suite whilst burning in the depths of hell. Thanks for supporting my sponsors! Hungryroot: For a limited time get 40% off your first box, plus a free item in every box for life at www.Hungryroot.com/bitchbible Ritual: Get 25% off your first month at www.Ritual.com/BIBLE Little Spoon: Simplify your kiddo’s mealtime with 30% off your first order with code BIBLE at www.LittleSpoon.com/BIBLE Hero Bread: Get 10% off your order with code JACKIE at www.hero.co See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie sits down with Stassi Schroeder to discuss Vanderpump Villa, their purple and yellow auras, Parseltongue, and the foundational principals and texture that can only be learned from the Real Housewives of Orange County. Thanks for supporting my sponsors! Hungryroot: For a limited time use code bitchbible to get 40% off your first box, plus get a free item in every box for life at www.Hungryroot.com/bitchbible SKIMS: Shop Check out the SKIMS Ultimate Bra Collection and more at www.skims.com/bible #skimspartner Ritual: Get 25% off your first month at www.Ritual.com/BIBLE See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie reveals a recent medical diagnosis, discusses her influencer weekend in Cabo, and plans a tripych for her gallery wall of shame. Thanks for supporting my sponsors! This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp: Your well-being is worth it. Get 10% off your first monthh at www.BetterHelp.com/BITCHBIBLE Nutrafol: Enter promo code BIBLE to get $10 off your first month’s subscription, plus free shipping at www.Nutrafol.com IQBAR: Get 20% off twenty percent off all IQBAR products, plus free shipping by texting BIBLE to 64000 Addyi: Check out the FDA-approved treatment for certain premenopausal women who are bothered by low libido and want their sex drive back at www.Addyi.com Hungryroot: For a limited time, use code bitchbible to get 40% off your first box, plus a free item in every box for life at www.Hungryroot.com/bitchbible See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.