“She said, ‘This isn’t the koan you wanted.’ And I thought about that. What do you do with a koan you don't want? Usually, if it's a koan, you didn't want it.” - Resa Alboher   Long time sangha stalwart and dear friend Resa Alboher brings us the epic adventure of what brought her to ACZC across continents, decades of earth shaking world events, and moments of life altering personal ones as well. What do we with the koan we didn’t want? How do we sit still when lying down is all we can actually manage? And just what was the Buddhist scene in Moscow like at the fall of the USSR?? Find out here!

“What are you doing if you're not trying, or trying not to be doing something? Everything you're doing.” - Dave Cuomo   Dave gives us an exhortation to  hopeless faith for the hopelessly secular who might still be in the market for meaning and purpose. Can we really base a strong and sincere faith on literally nothing? Can skepticism and doubt be both the prison and the way out? Is it possible to believe in something you don’t already believe in? Is any of this up to us if the truth is it was never actually about us?? Find out here!!

Sara explores the trend of abundance mentalities and the uncertain economics of trying to do what you want with your life. Do we already always have what we need? Is manifesting actually a Zen thing? How much work does it take to have pulled your weight, and what’s a fair price for staring at a wall these days?? Find out here!

Heather makes some big life changes and takes the opportunity to explore the intimacy of not knowing. Do we need to find clarity before making a leap? Is the easiest way to steer to now know where you going? Can awkward silence be the sweetest of intimacies?? Find out here!

Dave brings us stories of famous Zen couples and pairings from throughout Zen history and his own life to see what we can learn about intimacy, leadership, followership, service & servitude, friendship, community, family, commitment, and our possible fears of any or all of those things. When do our loyalties become a liability? Does looking up to our bosses have to be a recipe for getting let down? Does this famously asexual tradition have a few things to teach us about intimacy?? Find out here!

Gyokei explores what it means to seek and find a true teacher through the story of his own yearning and search for one. Is the idea of a true teacher just one more delusion, will reality always betray our expectations? Should we practice with those we feel comfortable with or those who challenge us? Is giving up on people the best way to show your faith in them? Find out here!

Dave takes a historical and personal look at getting along with others and the magic sauce to finding a teacher and community you click with. Do we get to pick our sanghas any more than we get to pick our family? Is self reliance actually a Zen goal? And how do we get along in places where we’d definitely rather not belong?? Find out here!

Jordan walks us through a wonderfully complicated talk on being a compassionate person in our complex modern world - what we think it means, what we might wish for it to mean, and what honestly brings out the best in you and me. Can we be the kind person we long to be? How do we avoid just becoming a doormat in our kindness, and do the old teachings even want us to avoid being doormats (and are we ok with that)? Are we qualified to wield Zen’s famous so called fierce compassion, or are we kidding ourselves about that whole idea? Find out here!

Bryan brings us the story of growing up in a Zen that was not his own, going off to look for meaning everywhere else, only to find himself right back maybe where he started, and maybe not at all. What does it take to find ourselves enough to know when we’ve found our people? What lies underneath our ethics, and can finding it help bring us together? Is the problem actually me, or is it maybe you? Find out here!

Sara takes a Zen look at loneliness and the isolations we so often lament and long for. What’s the difference between loneliness and being alone? Do we get to pick our friends and community? Why do they make it sound like the goal of practice is to not need to rely on others at all, while also telling us there’s no such thing as ever truly being alone?? Find out here!

Dave brings us a talk on how to make peace with ourselves, guaranteed, after a difficult retreat when he’s feeling anything but peaceful. Whats the fool proof recipe to make peace with yourself and the world around you?  Is it healthy to get people together in a room and convince them there's a good reason (we won’t tell you) to be uncomfortable and likely unhappy for extended lengths of time, and that your reward will be nothing? What was the final sign Dave had completely and totally given up on Zen?? Find out here!

Matthew takes us on a spiritual journey through his curious resistance to Zen’s boundless acceptance. Is acceptance a hindrance to growth and change? Do we ultimately fear the contentment we seek? Does our Zen have room for both aimlessness and agency?? Find out here!

Samm takes us on a lyrical and lucid walk through what it means to be at home wherever you are, with some infotaining side quests into the relationship between polyvagal theory and zazen along the way. Why don’t we feel safe even when we apparently are? What (if any!) control do we have over our nervous system? Is too much discipline just another distraction or is an inconsistent regimen the most disciplined kind?? Find out here!

Good teachers go bad - which is confusing and upsetting. Dave does his best to walk us through best practices for managing boundaries, roles, and scandals in Zen as a balanced part of this complete practice. Is there something about Zen that makes it particularly prone to scandal? Are there things about Soto Zen that make it peculiarly well setup for healthy sanghas relationships? Were our teachers ever worthy of the roles we put them in, and do we even need such teachers at all?? Find out here!

Sara takes an honest look at desire to see if she can afford a fulfilling life with less filling pay. How can desires lead to fulfillment? Is too little ambition just as dangerous as too much? If we really followed Buddha’s prescriptions could the internet even exist?? Find out here!

Our great ancestor friend Keizan takes us on a wild ride of epically thorough zazen instruction, warnings, epiphanies, inspirations, cosmic descriptions and everything in between in ACZC’s fresh new translation of his classic “Points to Keep in Mind for Zazen” (Zazen Yojinki). What is the mind and what should we do with it? What should we do with tip of our nose and our belly button during zazen? If we feel sleepy, learned, scattered, or enlightened, does Keizan have the remedy?? (Yes!) Find out here!

Dave gets topical with a talk on AI from the Zen perspective to see if we can shed any light on what it is, what we should do with it, and whether or not we’re getting that right. Do the robots have any more or less of a self than we do? Is Zen a moral (or amoral…) philosophy? Are we all out of a job, and if so, are we really going to miss it?? Find out here!

Gyokei gives us stories of friendly (and hungry!) ghosts as he explains the meaning and history of Obon, the summer festival of spirits in Japanese Zen. Is it possible to keep dying traditions and communities alive while also letting them go? Has a fish ever remembered to be grateful for water? Do ghosts count as living beings?? Find out here!

Dave loses a good dog friend and gets curious about the sweet and silly human feelings that come up in a week of sweet sorrow. Should monks be having more sex? Is Buddhism trying to cut us off from the most beautiful parts of life? Was Buddha (and California) wrong about the benefits of anger?? Find out here!

Mota gets an unexpected phone call and takes the opportunity to dig into some tough love teachings on change and transiency, and how they might even open us up to something warm and maybe even a little fuzzy. Have we forgotten how to die in this country? Why is Zen oddly good at the idea? Can it help us deal with the odd role reversals that come with parents getting older? Find out here!