The preservation of self causes us to blame our spouses, when there is no need to do so. But the blame game does not strengthen any marriage, and it never will. None of us is perfect, so there is no need to cast blame on your spouse so as to appear like the perfect one in your union. Take it easy. Acknowledge your errors and chill. Cast no blame his or her way.
Words hurt and so does the manner in which those words are delivered. Never, never should we denounce our spouses, for they will not soon forget the time and place, nor the words spoken that embarrassed them so. Let us be slow to speak negatively to our spouse, especially in public and in a loud manner.
We all have choices that we make every day. One of those choices that will radically affect your marriage is the choice to love at all times. Love is not something you say, nor is it something you feel. Love is something you do. Do the things that will promote love and happiness within your marriage, and you will reap the appropriate reward. Love is not readily seen in times of ease and agreements, but it is most visible in trials and disagreements. How will you act when times get rough, and you experience disappointments within your marriage? Will you become nasty and embittered? Try loving the one who least deserves it then. You can choose to do that, or you can choose the alternative. Will you love at all times, or will you be selfish and hateful? The CHOICE is yours..
Does being married means that you stop being free? I posit to you that the converse is true. Whether married or single we all like freedom. Yet, being free entails rules. Absent rules, all will be chaotic. Likewise, within marriages rules apply. However, these rules should not prevent you from being yourself or stifle your creativity. Neither should they make you a slave to your spouse's capricious whims. They should, however, allow you to freely submit to granting your spouse's request from a heart of love. That is why it is important that spouses are to be free to love. Forced love is not love. Therefore, there should be no compulsion or manipulation of wills. Respect your spouse; accept his or her individuality; and love him or her freely.