Living with Idiopathic intracranial hypertension isn’t easy. No one tells you the ups and downs you go through with this illness. It’s so difficult to describe because it affects each person differently.

I’m so excited to announce my brand, Poppy and Lily is launching mid July!

I have been slammed busy for the first part of the year and I really need to take a break.

Yes! I had brain surgery and I have a cat! And of course the roommate is moving out. I don’t wanna be that person that says I’m excited, but to be honest I am hopeful. There’s an omnipresence with certain people and it can suck the joy out of you. That’s why I’m excited I suppose - because at least I can see a light at the end of this long dark road I have been down.

Recently I’ve dealt with someone who seems to draw out my negative emotions and reactions. I shouldn’t say negative. I don’t think emotions can be negative, I think how we handle them can be. Anyways, this person has accused me of being self centered by saying, “you know not everything revolves around you.” Interestingly enough, they say it during times in which I am unbothered by their life. I have also learned that this type of behavior is common when you are ACTUALLY self centered. Because of this I have found myself doing unnecessary research into myself. I’ve come to realize this person is simply upset because they are not the center of my focus.

Intracranial Hypertension is a rare disease that affects many areas of your life. Today I just want to talk about what I have experienced and others have experienced. You can find out more about intracranial hypertension by visiting Idiopathic Intracranial Hypertension - IIH Symptoms https://rarediseases.org/rare-diseases/idiopathic-intracranial-hypertension/

With the new roommate I have almost wanted to kick him in the nuts everyday. But what I have failed to recognize is that I can be cruel and reactionary while calling it defensive. But at some point, recognizing that the world around you is shaping you to react instead of reflect is how you can combat the feeling of “everyone is out to get me”.

Spent some time getting to know the roommates "friend". She is a very bright lady, but I also feel bad for her. Partly because I'm wondering how we (women) are feeding the ego of my roommate. I wonder how giving out our time is going to play a roll in his villain story. I'm not saying his a bad guy. But damn it if he don't act like one sometimes. As of late, I have found myself over sharing. I'm not one to internalize my feelings. I used to rarely get visibly upset. But since starting diamox for my IH, I am down 23lbs and amy mood changes are noticeable. I go from 100 to 1,000 real quick. Idk what zero is.

Seriously, just vibing today. Woke up feeling pretty chill. Chill AF.

Alright I rambled. But you get the point.

Yeah I was kinda slacking this week because there's been so much going on. Like idk where to start lol

This episode is late so you're getting a two for one.

Sometimes we build friendships with others surrounded by darkness. Ask yourself, is that what you really want? A friend who only sees you in your darkest hour?

I never really put much thought into explaining the depths in which I am a person. That is until someone called me out for being inauthentic. That which I understood wasn't a jab - but a direct result of how little anyone actually knows anyone. I asked my significant other: What are my core interest? He honestly gave me a surface level - literal interpretation of skin. This made me realize that I have spent entirely too long engaging in conversations that serve me no purpose. I spent entirely too long allowing people to only come to know me at the surface. Let's be honest here, most people don't give a shit about you. They don't actually want to know you below the surface. They'd sooner learn about the idea of you that makes them the most comfortable. It is in this fact I have come to find the truth.

Discovering this Intracranial hypertension hasn't changed me, but the stigma around any illness is problematic. Being a black woman, I'm supposed to be strong and happy all the time and it's just not happening.

I've had a busy few weeks. I'd like to thank that's a good thing, but it could be avoidance. I'm really good at that.

Had my spinal tap and other life stuff!

Nothing of value have really happened this year, outside of expensive medical bills, my mother move, doing taxes, and the occasional creeps who masturbate to my voice. You know normal things.

Yea. My ex's are like cockroaches, if a nuclear explosion were to happen I'm pretty sure they would survive.

It's been such a long year