On this episode, Heather is in LA and welcomes her fabulous friend, Retta to the pod! Retta and Heather met at a friend's birthday in Mexico and connected over margaritas and steak. They chat about auditions, how Glen Powell smells, and what’s a must have in her dressing room. Episode Sponsors: Find Duke’s Mayo at your local retailer. If it’s not there, riot (respectfully) Visit dukesmayo.com for more information. Go toSquarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Elevate your fall wardrobe essentials with Quince. Go to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Earn points on rent and around your neighborhood, wherever you call home, by going to joinbilt.com/absolutely. Treat yourself to the most comfortable and innovative bras on earth and save 20% Off sitewide at honeylove.com/ABSOLUTELY. OpenPhone is offering my listeners 20% off of your first 6 months at OpenPhone.com/absolutely. Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This week, we’re reminiscing tales from Heather’s last tour ahead of some stops in Tennessee and Texas. In this replay episode, she breaks down the details of the insane predicament she found herself in at the Memphis airport. She also ran into a couple Lasso kids in Texas and was slinging art in Mississippi for Robin like drug dealer from the 80's. That and more! Episode Sponsors: Find Duke’s Mayo at your local retailer. If it’s not there, riot (respectfully) Visit dukesmayo.com for more information. For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners ten dollars off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when you go to Nutrafol.com and enter the promo code ABSOLUTELYNOT. For a limited time, you can be first in line to experience the new Next Gen at special savings. Prolon is offering Absolutely Not listeners 15% off sitewide plus a $40 bonus gift when you subscribe to their 5-Day Nutrition Program at ProlonLife.com/ABSOLUTELY. Go to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five -day returns. Right now, ABSOLUTELY NOT listeners can save 30% on their first order! Just head to cornbreadhemp.com/ABSOLUTELY and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout. Go to cokeurl.com/simplyPOP to find out where you can try Simply Pop! Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode, Heather is back in Atlanta after her annual European summer vacay.  She has weeded through her tik-tok trolls only to realize she has come out ahead as America’s Unc. She relives her boat days, her Air France journey home, and her back to school shopping memories. She takes voicemails from girls on a best friend trip to Italy, gift giving and golf bag woes, and why she is going to Iowa. Episode Sponsors: Go to Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Find Duke’s Mayo at your local retailer. If it’s not there, riot (respectfully) Visit dukesmayo.com for more information. You can shop Caraway Risk-Free! Enjoy fast, free shipping, easy returns, and a 30-day trial. Plus, if you visit Carawayhome.com/ABSOLUTELYNOT you can take an additional 10% off your next purchase. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/ABSOLUTELY and get on your way to being your best self. To explore coverage, visit ASPCAPetInsurance.com/absolutely. Elevate your fall wardrobe essentials with Quince. Go to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode, Heather is recording straight from a pool house in Mallorca—armed with nothing but her phone, a questionable Wi-Fi signal, and enough acid reflux to ignite a small fire. She’s giving us a mid-vacation dispatch packed with thoughts on travel etiquette, her ongoing battle with GLP-1, and a passionate tribute to the unsung pop legacy of Brooke Hogan. Plus, a quick tour update and a reminder that boat days are the best days. Episode Sponsors: Find Duke’s Mayo at your local retailer. If it’s not there, riot (respectfully) Visit dukesmayo.com for more information. For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners ten dollars off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when you go to Nutrafol.com and enter the promo code ABSOLUTELYNOT. OpenPhone is offering my listeners 20% off of your first 6 months at OpenPhone.com/absolutely. To explore coverage, visit ASPCAPetInsurance.com/absolutely. Start paying rent through Bilt and take advantage of your Neighborhood Benefits™ by going to joinbilt.com/absolutely. Philadelphia makes everything creamier. Visit creamcheese.com for recipe inspiration and so you can start adding Philadelphia to your recipes at home! Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this replay of the pod from almost exactly 3 years ago, we get Heather fresh off her extra long honeymoon. While she should feel refreshed, renewed and wildly in love- she is lucky to not be in an italian jail cell after clearly spending too much time with her new husband, Jeff. She breaks down the importance of communication, how much wine she drank every day at lunch and her plans to do it all over again (which she currently is doing in Portugal). Episode Sponsors: Find Duke’s Mayo at your local retailer. If it’s not there, riot (respectfully) Visit dukesmayo.com for more information. Head to https://www.squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code ABSOLUTELY. Go to cokeurl.com/simplyPOP to find out where you can try Simply Pop! Right now, ABSOLUTELY NOT listeners can save 30% on their first order! Just head to CornbreadHemp.com/ABSOLUTELY and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout. OpenPhone is offering my listeners 20% off of your first 6 months at OpenPhone.com/absolutely. Give your summer closet an upgrade—with Quince. Go to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and three hundred and 365-day returns. To find out what all the hype is about for yourself, go to cakesbody.com. You can even use code ABSOLUTEY for 20% off your first order this summer. Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode, Heather welcomes the one and only Robin McMahan to the studio. Robin is back from Portugal with a group of fabulous older women and bestows some advice before Heather's trip. They discuss the infamous EGG HAT, European Zara’s and the price of seabass. They obviously go into Robin’s dating dilemmas. They take your voicemails about boomers, summers at Chateau McMahan and the amount of virgin piña coladas Heather used to drink. Episode Sponsors: Find Duke’s Mayo at your local retailer. If it’s not there, riot (respectfully) Visit dukesmayo.com for more information. Go to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns Head to https://www.squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code ABSOLUTELY. If you visit Carawayhome.com/ABSOLUTELYNOT you can take an additional 10% off your next purchase. Prolon is offering Absolutely Not listeners 15% off sitewide plus a $40 bonus gift when you subscribe to their 5-Day Nutrition Program! Just visit ProlonLife.com/ABSOLUTELY To find out what all the hype is about for yourself, go to cakesbody.com. You can even use code ABSOLUTEY for 20% off your first order this summer. Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode, Heather is in LA and welcoming her favorite bitch, Jackie Schimmel, who is about to head out on her own tour- Dim the Lights. They discuss how we all need to zoom out, berating each other's husbands, and social boundaries. Jackie takes Heather down on her unsolicited kindness to strangers while Heather then gets to the bottom of why Jackie didn’t join us on the cruise.  Episode Sponsors: Find Duke’s Mayo at your local retailer. If it’s not there, riot (respectfully). Visit dukesmayo.com for more information. Right now, you can get up to $200 off Square hardware at square.com/go/absolutely. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/ABSOLUTELY and get on your way to being your best self.  Get 15% off your first order of $100 or more at hillhousehome.com with code ABSOLUTELY15. Start paying rent through Bilt and take advantage of your Neighborhood Benefits™ by going to joinbilt.com/absolutely. Go to cokeurl.com/simplyPOP to find out where you can try Simply Pop! To explore coverage, visit ASPCAPetInsurance.com/absolutely. Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode, Heather is on the up and up after the events of the last few weeks. She chats about how turtles and cardinals are now showing up as signs, what it was like 100 years ago, and how she plans to spend her time in Europe. While her life may be hectic right now, she turns to your voicemails to bring her back to reality. She hears about Louisiana gay uncles, how comfortable people have gotten in public and totally unhinged church facebook group requests. Episode Sponsors: Find Duke’s Mayo at your local retailer. If it’s not there, riot (respectfully) Visit dukesmayo.com for more information. Go to Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners ten dollars off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when you go to Nutrafol.com and enter the promo code ABSOLUTELYNOT. OpenPhone is offering my listeners 20% off of your first 6 months at OpenPhone.com/absolutely. Go to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five -day returns. Right now, ABSOLUTELY NOT listeners can save 30% on their first order! Just head to CornbreadHemp.com/ABSOLUTELY and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout. Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode, Heather is back in the Atlanta studio after a very stressful and eventful week. Definitely feels like she can't get her neck above water and brings you along her insane days. She relives her experience at the emergency vet that could rival The Pitt, getting her pap on her anniversary, and receiving a very special gift that may be light at the end of a very long tunnel. She then takes voicemails about how the rest of the world is also on on fire and one caller's decision to move to the USA. Episode Sponsors: Plus, if you visit Carawayhome.com/ABSOLUTELYNOT you can take an additional 10% off your next purchase. Get 15% off your first order of $100 or more at hillhousehome.com with code ABSOLUTELY15. To find out what all the hype is about for yourself, go to cakesbody.com. You can even use code ABSOLUTEY for 20% off your first order this summer. Go to cokeurl.com/simplyPOP to find out where you can try Simply Pop! Right now, Splendid is offering our listeners 20% off when you go to Splendid.com and use promo code absolutely at checkout or when you shop at Splendid in stores. Head to BranchBasics.com to shop their Premium Starter Kit and save 15% off with code ABSOLUTELY at BranchBasics.com. Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This week, we're pulling another classic episode out of the archives for the newcomers. This one features one of the wildest voicemails we've heard yet, a mom having to break the holy water out for her daughter, and a surprise cameo from Robin. Episode Sponsors: Start paying rent through Bilt and take advantage of your Neighborhood Benefits™ by going to joinbilt.com/absolutely. Go to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five -day returns. For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners ten dollars off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when you go to Nutrafol.com and enter the promo code ABSOLUTELYNOT. Go to cokeurl.com/simplyPOP to find out where you can try Simply Pop! Right now, Skylight is offering our listeners $30 off their 15 inch Calendars by going to SkylightCal.com/ABSOLUTELY To explore coverage, visit ASPCAPetInsurance.com/absolutely. Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode, Heather welcomes her friend from the internet Tinx to the pod after they both separately went to Beyonce the night before! They question why they have never met up for a 3 martini lunch and why finance bros get to enjoy them all the time. They connect on being pulled in too many directions and how they should start the Artist Way this summer. With an overdue book proposal, Heather asks Tinx about her book writing process after her new bestseller- Hotter in the Hamptons. Prolon is offering Absolutely Not listeners an exclusive chance to be among the first to try Next Gen—with 15% off sitewide plus a $40 bonus gift when you subscribe to their 5-Day Program at ProlonLife.com/ABSOLUTELY! Nuuly is a great value at $98 a month for any 6 styles, but right now you can get $28 off your first month of Nuuly when you sign up with the code ABSOLUTELY at Nuuly.com. Visit OliveandJune.com/ABSOLUTELY20 for 20% off your first System! Pick up GOODLES on your next shopping trip… it’s available nationwide at Target and Walmart, plus many other major grocery stores and retailers. To explore coverage, visit ASPCAPetInsurance.com/absolutely. Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On the episode, Heather is fresh off her NYC takeover—including a memorable night at The Beacon. Now she’s back in her basement, recording old-school style and fighting off whatever funk the universe sent as a reminder to sit down and reset. She’s booking check-ups, trying new beauty hacks, and figuring out what’s going on with her wonky wrist. Plus, she shares her run-in with cosmetic consultation scammers, the betrayal of high-calorie coffee orders, and why she’s dreaming of climbing Mount Everest. (Spoiler: she's not.) Episode Sponsors: Go to Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Right now, you can get up to $200 off Square hardware at square.com/go/ABSOLUTELY. If you visit Carawayhome.com/ABSOLUTELYNOT you can take an additional 10% off your next purchase. This episode is sponsored by/brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/ABSOLUTELY. Nuuly is a great value at $98 a month for any 6 styles, but right now you can get $28 off your first month of Nuuly when you sign up with the code ABSOLUTELY at Nuuly.com. Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode, Heather is back in NYC and welcomes two cruising hussies to the pod. Andrea and Anna are hosts of their own pod Big Wigs but are famously known for their impressions.  They chat about how they met, the cruise, their favorite Boar’s Head meats, and being related to a serial killer. We also get a surprise appearance from two of their favorite Calabasas characters. Episode Sponsors: For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners ten dollars off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when you go to Nutrafol.com and enter the promo code ABSOLUTELYNOT. Start paying rent through Bilt and take advantage of your Neighborhood Benefits™ by going to joinbilt.com/absolutely Visit ProlonLife.com/ABSOLUTELY to claim your 15% discount and your bonus gift. Nuuly is a great value at $98 a month for any 6 styles, but right now you can get $28 off your first month of Nuuly when you sign up with the code ABSOLUTELY at Nuuly.com Visit OliveandJune.com/ABSOLUTELY20 for 20% off your first System! Give the “dads” in your life a unique, heartfelt gift you’ll all cherish for years—Storyworth! Right now, save $10 during their Father’s Day sale when you go to Storyworth.com/absolutely! Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode, Heather welcomes Kelsey Cook to the podcast studio. Kelsey is another fabulous comic that is on tour and has released her new special, Mark Your Territory. They connect on never being to Coachella, the similarities of boomers and millennials, survival jobs and where they stand on Crumbl cookies. Kelsey also finds out that she is actually another race because she is a red head. Episode Sponsors: Start paying rent through Bilt and take advantage of your Neighborhood Benefits™ by going to joinbilt.com/absolutely Visit JustThriveHealth.com and use code ABSOLUTELY for 20% off your first 90 day bottle. That’s like getting a month for free! Get 15% off Branch Basics with the code ABSOLUTELY at https://branchbasics.com/ABSOLUTELY #branchbasicspod Visit ProlonLife.com/ABSOLUTELY to claim your 15% discount and your bonus gift. Schedule your free consultation now at Sonobello.com/absolutely. Go to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five -day returns. Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode, Heather is in the studio after a big weekend performing at her home theatre - The Fox. She chats about how doing a show at home can be more stressful than any other cities and how the acquaintances come out of the woodwork to get those free tickets. She tries to relax on Sunday by putting out all her lawn furniture for the summer but the heat index had other plans. She is excited to get to NYC for her show at the Beacon and her week in the city. She gets to take some voicemail about the after party, a lost photo and a hot take on recording comedians. Episode Sponsors: Head to https://www.squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code ABSOLUTELY. Treat yourself to the most advanced bras and shapewear on the market. Save 20% Off Honeylove at honeylove.com/ABSOLUTELY Go to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five -day returns. Head to http://primalkitchen.com/absolutelynotpodcast to save 20% off your next online order with code ABSOLUTELY at checkout. Right now, Skylight is offering our listeners $30 off their 15 inch Calendars by going to SkylightCal.com/ABSOLUTELY Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney.com/absolutely today.  Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On the episode, Heather is feeling nautical (and musical) in a fully bedazzled ship captain’s hat. She has some hot takes on the newly appointed American pope and shares some of the gifts she received on the cruise. She dives into Robin’s controversial stance on why dining out on Mother’s Day is an absolute no and then provides advice to your voicemails about breakups, cocktails, and short skirts. Episode Sponsors: Head to https://www.squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code ABSOLUTELY. If you visit Carawayhome.com/ABSOLUTELYNOT you can take an additional 10% off your next purchase. For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners ten dollars off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when you go to Nutrafol.com and enter the promo code ABSOLUTELYNOT. Prolon is offering Absolutely Not listeners an exclusive chance to be among the first to try Next Gen—with 15% off sitewide plus a $40 bonus gift when you subscribe to their 5-Day Program at ProlonLife.com/absolutely.  Shop SKIMS Ultimate Bra Collection and more at SKIMS.com. Pick up GOODLES on your next shopping trip. It’s available nationwide at Target and Walmart, plus many other major grocery stores and retailers. Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On the episode, Heather is home for a few days and back in the Atlanta studio.  She has been enjoying her few days at home, before it’s back on the road. She goes over how Robin’s trip to Portugal has been going and how her own show in Chicago went. She takes on the voicemails to find probably the #1 absolutely not of all time.  Can this be the one? Episode Sponsors: AG1 is offering new subscribers a FREE $76 gift when you sign up. You’ll get a Welcome Kit, a bottle of D3K2 AND 5 free travel packs in your first box. So make sure to check out DrinkAG1.com/absolutely to get this offer! This episode is sponsored by/brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/ABSOLUTELY and get on your way to being your best self. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney.com/absolutely today. Start earning points on rent you’re already paying by going to joinbilt.com/ABSOLUTELY. Head to http://primalkitchen.com/absolutelynotpodcast to save 20% off your next online order with code ABSOLUTELY at checkout. Nuuly is a great value at $98 a month for any 6 styles, but right now you can get $28 off your first month of Nuuly when you sign up with the code ABSOLUTELY at Nuuly.com Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode, Heather is taking it old school and recording live from a hotel room in Miami. No, she isn’t still on the cruise, she is back to working girl life as a corporate girlie. She gives the cruise recap from her perspective and how emotional it made it. She also chats about another milestone-reaching 1 million miles on Delta. She wraps it up with more cruise voicemails from cruisers themselves. Episode Sponsors: Start earning points on rent you’re already paying by going to joinbilt.com/ABSOLUTELY AG1 is offering new subscribers a FREE $76 gift when you sign up. You’ll get a Welcome Kit, a bottle of D3K2 AND 5 free travel packs in your first box. So make sure to check out DrinkAG1.com/absolutely to get this offer! Head to https://www.squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code ABSOLUTELY Head to http://primalkitchen.com/absolutelynotpodcast to save 20% off your next online order with code ABSOLUTELY at checkout. Nuuly is a great value at $98 a month for any 6 styles, but right now you can get $28 off your first month of Nuuly when you sign up with the code ABSOLUTELY at Nuuly.com. Visit OliveandJune.com/ABSOLUTELY20 for 20% off your first System!  Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this truly iconic episode, Heather is coming to you live from the Absolutely Knot cruise.  She has a live audience on the deck and two guests to bring you all the on board updates and of course, Absolutely Not’s.  If you have all the fomo, you will not want to miss this one. Episode Sponsors: Our favorite cookware set will save you $150 versus buying the items individually. Plus, if you visit Carawayhome.com/ABSOLUTELYNOT you can take an additional 10% off your next purchase. Whether you're gifting to yourself or a loved one, Nutrafol is offering our listeners ten dollars off any order! Enjoy free shipping when you subscribe. Go to Nutrafol.com and enter the promo code ABSOLUTELYNOTGIFT. Shop SKIMS Ultimate Bra Collection and more at SKIMS.com and SKIMS LA Flagship on Sunset Blvd. After you place your order, be sure to let them know I sent you! Head to http://primalkitchen.com/absolutelynotpodcast to save 20% off your next online order with code ABSOLUTELY at checkout. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney.com/absolutely today. Right now, our listeners get 15% off the Premium Starter Kit by using code ABSOLUTELY at BranchBasics.com Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode, Heather is physically on the cruise, but has brought you a Master’s recap prior to boarding the ship.  She chats about her time at the Par 3, trying to be everyone else’s photographer, and of course the coveted merch haul. She also has a message for the millennial white women's fashion choices. Episode Sponsors: Go to Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Go to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Start earning points on rent you’re already paying by going to joinbilt.com/ABSOLUTELY Head over to Addyi’s website — Addyi.com — and see if Addyi is right for you. Just visit ProlonLife.com/ABSOLUTELY to claim your 15% discount and your bonus gift. Treat yourself to the most advanced bras and shapewear on the market. Save 20% Off Honeylove at honeylove.com/ABSOLUTELY. Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.