I want to thank all my listeners! Each one of you whether you listened to 1 podcast or 245. You mean a lot to me. I hope this podcast blessed your life!
All right my friends well, today we are going to discuss the future. We're going to be talking about the future of “Your Amazing Life and you know I am really grateful to all of you who have been here and listen to me and follow me and it's been an amazing process. I really enjoyed it! Things are going to be changing in the future I'm working on a few different things that are going to be in place of the “Your Amazing Life” podcast coming out I have twice a week. I will be sure to keep you updated on those as they become closer. But for right now I'm going to be not doing that “Your Amazing Life” podcast. It's been a great run; I've been doing that for a year and a half now. It has not I've done the things that I was hoping it would do so I'm going to change up and see if I can move my business forward in a different way. But I am so grateful to each of you who have listened to me, each of you that are here today. I hope that you got a lot from the things that I talked about. I mean that that's the whole point of it was to help you change your life and increase the success that you have in your life. Hopefully, it brought you some happiness. I am always open to talk with people and go over exactly what you want so that you can be happy. I'd really love to discuss that with you and see how I can be part of that process for you. Hopefully, I have done that in this program. The goal was to create some happiness in your life, giving you some tools that you could use to make a difference. I am so grateful for all of the support that I get! I did also want to publicly thank my beautiful wife Evelyn for all the support that she's given me. She is amazing support; I mean she is just been there for me. She is gone above and beyond and I love her so much. I'm so grateful for all she’s done I couldn't have done this much without her. I am really thankful for the opportunity the podcast has given me. I'm grateful I’ve had to serve over the last year and a half in this way. I’m going to be looking for other ways to serve and ways that we might reach a few more people. I have learned so much and getting these podcasts ready for you and I really appreciate the opportunity to be part of your life. You know the more that I learn about this world and how it works the happier I am and the more successful I become. I've been reading the book Rich Dad Poor Dad by Robert Kiyosaki. I've been learning so much for that right now there is a big huge to buy between “The Haves” and “Have Nots” one of the biggest in recent histories at least. The gulf is just getting bigger and there are all sorts of ideas on how to change that out there. Some of the ideas are being tried, others are not.
Check out the podcast for the rest of the story.
So, what does it take to become a Jedi? You have a specific story that only you can share with and change the world. How do you get your story out there? You are unique. There is something different about each of you. If you are in your power “resistance is futile” But if you are not there, how do you get there? How do you get your story out there? What is it you are here to share with the world?
Number 1: I hope each one of you realizes that you are here on a mission. There is a higher purpose to you and your life. There are so many things that your mission can be about. Maybe it is getting others to enjoy life. If your life is stressful, meaningless, and uninspiring then you have not found your purpose. You were not born to survive this life. Remember the poem Our Greatest Fear by Marianne Williamson
Number 2: Some will, some won’t, Who's next? Your mission will speak to some but not to others. Don’t let those that don’t see it get you down. Move on! Do not let them stop you because they can’t see your vision. Be persistent. Keep trying! As you continue to try you will find those that want to hear your story.
Number 3: Know that you have value. Realize your true worth. Know what you have to offer others. Look at the things that you have accomplished. See what you are good at. Get to know yourself for who you are. We do not need to compare how we have done as opposed to others just in comparison to ourselves. You are great not because you are better than others. You are great because of who you are and what you do?
Number 4: Realize you are a leader. Speak out, what you are here to share. Make sure that you share your story with others. Realize the success you have created from the experiences that you have had over your lifetime. You are a leader because you are bent on improving yourself and your life. You are a leader to children, neighbors, coworkers, If you look at your light you will find ways that you are a leader. Those of you who think that you are not a leader, do you fear the light you have that people might follow. As a leader realize you are human. You are not perfect nor do you know all the right answers. As a leader, you should be able to find answers in others.
If you are tired of suffering, beating up on yourself, do you feel powerless, uninspired, and stressed; If you want to struggle less and enjoy more. If you want a truly amazing life that is connected and complete, you need the “You Have Value” program. If you are willing to make some changes, if you think you may be a fit for the “You Have Value" program let’s talk. Contact me, ken@creatingyouramazing.life or 801-449-0750
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We have Beth Crosby who says “Your story is your strength” she is a writing coach who helps entrepreneurial women comfortably write about what makes them the ideal fit for their clients. Now, Beth joins me today to discuss the difficulties, blessings, and gratitude that kidney failure presented to her. From the smaller stories that comprise her life story, she learned to be grateful for the blessings of dialysis and 2 kidney transplants. Welcome, Beth, in one of your posts on LinkedIn you said “We become who we are because of experience” So what experience had a large part to play in you becoming who you are?
Beth: Probably the biggest influence or experience, when I was a child, was my fathers’ mom. She lived across the street from us and she retired from her nursing job right after I was born. She kept me and taught me grammar and to love to read. She is the one that got me through third-grade multiplication tables. But the experience of having a grandparent… My grandfather died when I was young. So, the experience of having a grandparent who had the understanding of the importance of education but also the importance of getting outside and playing in the sunshine really was critical in developing who I became.
Ken: Okay Now, you help women to write and share their stories. What is the importance of our stories?
Beth: They show who we are and help us to get to know each other better. So, a quick example of that would be; I have a motorcycle, my dad had a Harley Davidson, my uncles had Harley-Davidsons. I was three I had the smallest helmet and so I rode on Harley-Davidsons with them. I always wanted a Harley cuz I thought I was just one of the guys. That helps me to relate to men. I was in a networking group and I meet a guy and we started talking about motorcycles. I don’t remember if he had on a motorcycle shirt or what. Another gentleman I knew passed by and I said “hey come here” you need to meet so and so. He rides Harleys too. So, I had two or three sentences of conversation with them and then I left them to talk and I left the conversation. So even when we are networking for business those stories are what help us relate.
Listen to the rest of the podcast to find out what blessings came from it. Beth also talks about how only when we accept our past and take hold of our experience do, we claim our power.
What is the best way for folks to connect with you?
BethACrosby.com
LinkedIn.com/in/bethcrosby
Beth@BethACrosby.com
Please subscribe to this podcast and leave a rating and review, to help others find this podcast. Also, join the Facebook group. Here is the spot to click and set up a time so we can discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life!
There is the story of a man with a very stubborn mule who needed to get the mule to move. The mule was content to be where he was and didn’t want to put n the effort to walk and pull the man’s cart. So, they sat there, neither got what they wanted. But then the man had an idea. He went a got a long stick string and a favorite treat of the mule. He tied the carrot to the stick and dangled it out just in front of the mule. The mule moved to get to the carrot. There are many carrots in my life, and if you look closely, you will find them in your life also. Maybe you get them from work where if you hit a certain number, you get a bonus, party, or meal. The number could be for many things number of days without injuries, the number of sales. In fact, getting a job is a carrot and stick. You met this person they offered you cash if you would come in and do certain things and be present between certain hours and on certain days. This is a viable way of changing behavior. It has been around forever because it works to a certain extent.
But there are a few requirements to get it to work, the carrot has to be something that means enough to the person for them to do it. If your boss said they wanted you to come in and work and you would be paid $1.00 that probably would not motivate you to come in. If you told your child, you wanted them to spend an hour in the sun weeding for that popsicle, they might not do it. Everyone who has a job and gets paid for it likes this type of motivation. Money is used as a carrot so often that it can be overdone right. Money is an easy thing to come up with and it motivates so many people. In fact, it is usually about what number of bills motivates them, not a question of will they be motivated by it.
So, I hope we now agree, you are motivated by money. You show up at a business listen to what others want, produce what they asked, and then you receive nothing more than a few sheets of high-quality paper with some ink on it, for doing so. If you do a good job then they dangle the possibility in front of you that they will give you more sheets of paper. Maybe they will give you more responsibility and work and then you get more sheets of paper.
Why do we allow money to be a motivating factor? The first one we already mentioned is it is easy to do. Most of us have fear of the stick (homeless) and a desire for the carrot (things money will buy). Another reason is that we don’t know what other likes and dislikes we have. According to the numbers, there is no correlation between personal engagement and salary. People making $500,000s per year dislike their jobs as much as those making $24,000. Money does motivate, but the problem is it only moves us so far. It gets you to show up. It gets you through what is required. But it doesn’t get you to enjoy it. It doesn’t get you to learn, or to become. Once you have the needs for you and your family met the psychological benefits of money drop. Arnold Schwarzenegger said it best “Money doesn’t make you happy. I now have $50 million but I was just as happy when I had $48 million.” Money is nothing more than a concept or symbol to facilitate trade. We as people project our own attitudes and tendencies towards it. We project definitions to it.
Please subscribe to this podcast and leave a rating and review, to help others find this podcast. Also, join the Facebook group. Here is the spot to click and set up a time so we can discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life!
Ken: We have Dr. Tracey Jones who is an author, speaker, veteran, publisher, podcaster, and international leadership expert, who currently serves as President of Tremendous Leadership. She is a graduate of the United States Air Force Academy, a decorated veteran who served in the First Gulf War and Bosnian War. Tracey is the author of ten titles, one of them the book SPARK: was an Amazon #1 new release. Now, Tracy, you have been reading personal development books most of your life. What kind of difference do you think that made in your life?
Tracy: It made all the difference in the world can and I have to tell you I joked that my father was up a “book a-holic” and a he was a book pusher. Flunked out of school in the 8th grade. Mother left him, abuse, came out of the depression era born in the South. Everything was against my father, but Charlie Tremendous Jones famously said, this when I was a young girl, “That you're going to be the same person that you are today from 5 years ago except for two things the people you meet and the books you read. He was the living embodiment of that. So, I tell people I read “How to Win Friends and Influence People” before the “Poky Little Puppy” He was very much, you're going to read, you're going to read good content, and you're going to fill your brain with great stuff. Cause trash in, trash out; good in and good out.
Tracy: …. you know what I did? I went back to school. Cuz, I thought I can’t interact with people right now. I've got to get in my headspace, that's why I went back for my Ph.D. It was the best thing I could have done. I had to get out of my own way and I had to relearn my horrible habits and get on the path. I could see other people on the path, why can't I be on the path? I know I get on the path but I've got to do the work. So I read a book called “The Power of the Other” by Doctor Henry Cloud. He's one of my favorite authors; He saves people. Books like “Necessary Endings” and “Boundaries.” I mean “Necessary Endings” I give that to everyone and they're like “thank you so much for giving me that.” Because there is so much that out there; I'm sorry folks this is not Utopia we live in a fallen world. You put up the boundaries and you only allow in the good, that's not selfish that's the way it needs to be!
Check out the rest of the podcast to hear her talk about:
How depression affected her and how she would sleep 15 hours a day.
Anxiety kills more people on the planet.
Get the right mindset.
Finding advocates and what an advocate is.
What is the best way for folks to connect with you?
https://www.linkedin.com/in/drtraceycjones/
Facebook: Tremendous Tracey and Tremendous Leadership
Twitter: TraceyCJones
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Tremendousleadership
Please subscribe to this podcast and leave a rating and review, to help others find this podcast. Also, join the Facebook group. Here is the spot to click and set up a time so we can discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life!
Many of you have or will go through a divorce. How did that affect your life? How did it affect your confidence? So I was once told; you should only get divorced when the pain of being together is greater than the pain of divorce. There will be pain either way. I know a lot of my listeners have had to deal with this. Many of the people I coach have also. Some of them have deal with abusive spouses. Some have been gaslighted, treated with verbal and physical abuse, others have been in toxic relationships. Each of them got to the point the pain of being together was greater than the pain of getting divorced. Every one of you that has been through, or have at some point been thinking about divorce has some reasons for it right? How does thinking about divorce leave you feeling? Do you feel like you are a failure or broken? Maybe you feel triumphant or released of a burden. What about feeling some guilt? There are many things you can feel and all of them are correct. But it is important to process each of those emotions. If you don’t move past those it is likely to become an issue for you again.
Many of you may be looking to survive the divorce. You just want past the feelings of anger, hurt, confusion, depression, and pain, right? At some point, you had positive feelings for this other person you even said you loved them, right? So, there will be a loss that you will go through. Maybe the divorce was last month maybe it was 10 years ago. It is still possible that you look back fondly on the marriage or maybe feel regret. There were both good and bad times in the marriage, right? It is normal to remember both of those at different times. It is best to take adequate time and be honest, reflect on your feelings, process those emotions. This can be done by talking with someone that can help you walk through what you are experiencing. Walking through this with you can make a huge difference in your life and prepare you for a much better life and relationship going forward. Maybe you have developed new structures. Hopefully, you have looked over the feelings and done the soul searching to find out what is important to you. I talked with a friend and we were looking over the list that they had created on what the ideal relationship would look like. What was important to them. That is making a huge difference in their lives and helping them through the divorce.
So, how do you make it through all these emotions? First, know that there are 6 emotional stages that you will most likely go through.
Some people move from one relationship to the next and find themselves in a similar situation each time. The players change but the rules stay the same. This is because they didn’t do the self-work so that they could move to a healthier relationship.
In case you are not sure there is life after divorce. You can have more than you dreamed of and have the life you wanted. All of this is possible. You can make these changes by asking these questions of yourself, to figure out what you want. Knowing and loving yourself is key to any happy healthy relationship. You must first have a quality relationship with yourself. I can help you with tools and tricks to learn about and develop a greater love for yourself.
Please subscribe to this podcast and leave a rating and review, to help others find this podcast. Also, join the Facebook group. Here is the spot to click and set up a time so we can discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life!
Ken: Jason Holzer is a certified teacher and thought coach, accomplished basketball coach, and elite skills trainer. He is also an Amazon Best Selling author, post-Traumatic growth storyteller, and the Co-Founder of 4D Athletes. Welcome, Jason.
Jason: Howdy Ken thanks for having me on the show today. I appreciate it.
Ken: You're welcome. All right so how did you come to write the book? How did it come into being?
Jason: Well, you know I did basketball camps for a long time. So, I traveled across the US. I went to a lot of places some were small enough to drive through. I was driving to eastern Ohio, almost like the border of Pennsylvania. I like to drive without any radio on sometimes just in pure silence. I have two kids I’m a teacher, so there is always a lot of noise. So sometimes it is just nice to be where there is nothing going on. I’m a man of faith and I believe in spirituality. As I was in that quiet place and just being. The word “write” came into my mind. I was unsure of how to process that. I got home and that thought kept nagging at me “write” I was like “huh, Okay.” I told my wife, “I think I’m supposed to write a book.” She was like “you are? about what?” I think God is asking me to write a book about losing my dad to suicide. My wife said really do you know how to do that? I told her I had no clue. I went to college to become a physical education teacher. I work in sports. Nothing in my degree says creative writing or anything like that. A long story short about 18 months later, I ended up; I wrote a book about my story of losing my dad to suicide when I was 17 years old. but I didn't want to just be that, of the loss, I wanted to be a crescendo of, hey how do I get over being left behind. You can still have a great life despite what happened to you.
Ken: Okay so tell us more about the book
Jason: Yeah, sure it’s a first-person narrative of what I went through. So that when you read it you feel like you are in my shoes. Everybody processes grief and loss differently. but I wanted to give people an experience of what I personally went through. Knowing that hopefully, people will feel similar things. Everyone’s experiences will be different but sometimes emotions can be relatable. That was my goal. But then the second part of that I talked about things like self-love, things like building great habits, Things like forgiveness, and how to heal yourself. how would I heal myself from the trauma in order to find my identity? So that I could find my vision in order to let go of these negative emotions of anger, resentment, these were things that I harbored inside. To be able to move on. To learn how to get past some of the most difficult times in your life. To see a positive, optimistic future and believe that things will get better. I will be able to smile again, there is a rainbow at the end of the storm. So, the second part of that is the healing piece of it.
Listen to the podcast to hear the whole interview.
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Václav Havel played a major role in the Velvet Revolution, which was a non-violent transition from the Communist Party of Czechoslovakia to a parliamentary republic. He had a philosophy that included things like anti-consumerism, humanitarianism, and environmentalism. What if we could follow in his footsteps and create changes without violence. What if our philosophy included anti-consumerism, humanitarianism, and environmentalism? How many of us can create change within ourselves without violence? I know I have been caught up in what I want to buy next. How is it that these play in our lives? What is the importance of each?
What part does consumption play in our lives? I mean for a few people it is out of control that is why there are shows about hoarders, right? But what about the rest of us? Well let’s look at the definition of consuming; Absorbing, devouring, eating up, depleting. Everything that we buy has many costs associated with them. The opportunity cost. The cost of buying it, as well as the cost of getting rid of it and many others. But marketing has been able to use our minds against us. Turning tools that were created to build the human race and instead of using these tools to get us to buy things we don’t need.
Next, humanitarianism; here is an idea whose time has come. It is past time that we started treating each other as Brothers and Sisters. We need to value the life of each and every person despite our differences. Treat others with benevolence and provide assistance. The price that we will be paid for this will be large enough to change this world. We would provide food for those with none, provide aid to those in need. Can you imagine a world where the majority of us acted like; Nelson Mandela, Mother Teresa, Martin Luther King, or Oskar Schindler. What could we provide? What would this world looked like if everyone’s needs were meet?
What is the importance of environmentalism? Well, I am defining environmentalism as concern about the earth and taking action aimed at protecting it. Now we can have disagreements about how to protect this earth and that is okay. It doesn’t matter that we agree on how to protect the earth just that we all work towards that end. Today we take loans out on the environment. Loans that we will be paying interest on for the next few generations. That can only go on for so long. At some point, the interest we pay will outweigh the ability to produce.
We as fellow travelers on this earth are here and we are in this together. We are supposed to work together to make this experience move forward together. We only have this one Earth and even when we move to the stars this is still our home and it is part of us and needs care. Working together we can reduce the footprint we make and move out the survivability rate of this planet farther. We can and must work as a team. We must work for the same things and see ourselves as one. We must become one race the Human race. We must work from that viewpoint to make the changes in the world that will provide for generations.
Each of you has the power and ability to make a huge change in this world. Each of you can make a difference. Each of our communities needs someone to reach out and make a difference. As we make a difference in our neighborhoods, our neighborhoods will make a difference in our cities, as our cities change, they will change our states. This will work out until we change the world.
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Christopher Salem: He was given a year and a half to live. He ended up dying 4 months into his diagnosis. I remember the day before he died. I remember him looking over at me and he couldn't talk but his eyes were somewhat open. It was like he wasn't really there. But yet in a way, he was it was just in a different way. It was like him communicating to me saying listen. I apologize I wasn't the dad that you were looking for or expected. I did my best; I could only give what I knew.
Jacquelyn Phillips: The most painful was having to become clean. I was really good at lying and you can only lie for so long, eventually, you get caught up in it. So, breaking the habit of lying and not embellishing that was really hard to do. As far as the most uncomfortable it was falling in love with myself. Because for the longest time it felt really hokey. I would say “I love myself” but that just sounds really dumb. But you have to! You have to love the person that you are. Because if you, don't you can't love anything else fully because you are holding back. Life is much more freeing if you have love in your heart!
Kim Knavel: It's... I used to not think there was anything I could do about the way I felt. I would get depressed, sometimes it was situational sometimes it wasn't. I do have clinical depression also and when it was situational... I couldn’t make it go away, when it was just because I was depressed, I couldn't make it go away. I always felt like everything else was controlling me. The people around me, my emotions, everything. I like not... I like not being controlled. I like being able to say “I can sit with you for a few days and I can look at these depressive feelings and I can see where they're coming from.” I don't have to judge them and they can make me sad for a minute but I'm not going to be buried in them.
Rich Cardone: I believe work-life balance is a complete myth. I believe it the state of mind because you can't achieve it. It is not a destination, you can achieve, it's just a state of mind. you either feel bad that you're giving work your all; or that when you're with your family you're giving your family our all, or whatever that may be. But it is not something that you can achieve, so you know the key to having an amazing life is balance.
Isabel Chiara: Number one would to really look at your life as it happened for you! Anything that happened in your life happened because we all have those stories that are sitting in our brain just keeps going over them. Maybe it was what we consider a failure, it could have been the worst thing that ever happened to us. But it happened so there is something about that thing that happened. Maybe it happened to move us in another direction. I always think that life happening for me right now. The second part of that is, that we don't know the rest of the story, right?
Justin Springer: We always, as hard times come, we feel like we must be going the wrong way you know. I know we talked about a lot, I'm sure you do with mindset, With like “flow states” and all that stuff. That could be another discussion, but what I think is sometimes the hardship is we need to embrace a little bit more.
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“It wasn’t so much that he minded telling Leslie that he was afraid to go; it was that he minded being afraid. It was as though he had been made with a great piece missing… Lord, it would be better to be born without an arm than to go through life with no guts.” Katherine Paterson Author of the book “Bridge to Terabithia” Have you ever thought you were born without guts? Kellie Hall 1st runner up at MISS CALIFORNIA and Navy Lieutenant said “I don’t think we’re born with insecurities; I think the world introduces them to us.”
There are negative influences and stigmas everywhere. They are increasing day by day. In UConn Today they posted “Decades of research confirm the presence of weight stigma in workplaces, schools, health care settings, public accommodations, and the mass media, as well as in close interpersonal relationships with friends and families. It’s everywhere.” Then we also struggle with stigmas around Mental health this stigma is a problem for young people as well as those in certain jobs, like police, firefighters, and those in military service. Why is it that we as people look at going to the DR.? for a checkup or visit is, okay?
Then there is the 3ft giant. Sean Stevenson, Sean was an expert in the field of hypnotherapy. Because of a genetic disorder he only grew to 3 ft tall and was in a wheelchair his entire life. Because of the “brittle bone disease,” he had more than 280 fractured bones and dozens of other medical complications that threatened his life and he was in pain often. But in March 2004 he started work on a Doctor of Clinical Hypnotherapy Degree. Now if you had been born with this genetic disorder would you have felt insecure? Sean developed a powerful self-image and a rock-solid Identity. Sean knew that it is your identity that gets you what you want out of life. If your goals and your identity do not match up; it is your identity that will be the deciding factor, not your dreams. If you are feeling insecure congrats you are part of the human race. There are things you can do to reduce your insecurities.
Identity is exclusively self-determined. This means it is pliable and can change over time. Every action you take is a vote for the person you want to become. Because of this, no single instance will transform your beliefs. But you can change your beliefs by changing those individual votes. You can develop a secure feeling about who you are and what you can do. In order to have what we want we need to prove that we can have it to ourselves. Once we are secure in our beliefs of who we are and what we can do; then will these dreams happen.
Please subscribe to this podcast and leave a rating and review, to help others find this podcast. Also, join the Facebook group. Here is the spot to click and set up a time so we can discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life!
We have Dr. Pat Boulogne: she is a Coach, Physician, Speaker, and Visionary. She is the author of “Why are you sick, fat, and tired: find out now.” And the CEO: “health team network.” I am so excited to have Dr. Pat with me today.
DR. Pat:
Thanks, I love being here, I am fired up and ready to go.
Ken:
In your book, you quoted a recent statistic that indicated in 2030, we will see approximately 50% of our population stricken with a chronic illness. WOW, so your bestselling book is about what we can do right? Tell me about that and the title?
DR. Pat
First, that statistic came out before the pandemic. The pandemic just signified wow we have a lot of sick people and we don’t even know it. That stat is real it could even be pushed up a couple of years because of this last year and a half. Think about it a lot of people didn’t know they were sick or how they felt and the such. But you didn't ask me about that exactly you asked me about my book. My book is called “Why are you Sick Fat and Tired.” I had a businesswoman in one of my groups, and she told me I’m not sick I’m not fat, and I’m not tired. I said oh contraire. I said because… What the book does, is this book is an advocating tool, a guidebook, and a tool to use to find out what's going on in your health snapshot now. So, it asks about 11 different organ systems, and your body, now these 11 organ systems fit together like a Swiss watch. So, if the Swiss Watch piece is broken, something else is going to break someplace else. If it's starting to slow down because it is starting to wear out, something else is going to happen someplace else. They all interrelate with each other. There is not a process that doesn’t require time. Now when you're looking at how things are connected just keep thinking about the spiderweb. Each is just one piece of a much larger puzzle. Think about it shooting out and connecting to everything so that it all pieces together. We can use the book to find the weakest and strongest links. The weakest link will be your highest scores and the strengths will be your lowest because you have to have something working for you. Because eventually what happens in that scenario is that the organ system keeps on getting taxed so that it gets taxed to a point where it starts affecting your immune system.
Listen to the podcast to hear more about
What's going on with mindset and mental health these days?
What's the link between diet, lifestyle, and environment?
What are 5 lifestyle solutions anyone can do to improve their health immediately?
If there were only three ideas that you leave for this world and your posterity, what 3 ideas would you leave for them that could lead them to have an amazing life?
What is the best way for folks to connect with you, Dr. Pat?
https://youramazing--askdrpat.thrivecart.com/motivational-bio-hacks-webinar/
https://healthteamnetwork.com/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/drpatboulogne/
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This last year has seen a big change in the rules because of Covid. Many families have lost jobs or had incomes cut. There has been a worldwide downturn. This is something that has not happened in all of history. This has cut spending in many industries. Because of the shutdown, the travel industry has been greatly impacted, with hotels losing over 40% of their jobs. Then there is a shortage of parts needed to make cars that are crippling the auto-making industry.
Many people are more aware than ever before that they can lose their job. Some people have become more dependent on the government to have their needs met. I mean how many of you spend the Covid money that the government sent out? We now know that our country can be shut down. This is been the sharpest and quickest slowdown since the depression. This situation with record economic stimulus measures and the reduction in spending does not appear in any textbook nor has it been taught in any school.
What are the emotions that come up when you think of personal finance? Is it fear and overwhelm? You can change your future. We are going to go over these rules today.
So today we are talking about the set of financial rules you play by. This last year has seen a huge downturn. Many people that thought they had “good jobs” have found themselves unemployed. No, it doesn’t just ask someone like me that got a bachelor’s degree in sociology, psychology or someone that got a degree in theatre arts. Did you get an education in the effective use of money? Or how about how to invest? Not likely.
So, for this new time in history what are the rules you need to live by to be successful?
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We have Isabel Chiara, creator of “The Life Actualization Process,” She is a guide, mentor, and leader, studying and working in transformational energy modalities, Isabel activates unlimited potential and empowerment for her clients, helping them to ignite their full passion and align with their most authentic life path, by eradicating constricting beliefs, definitions, and self-limitations. She is the author of a new book “Eat Your Words” Welcome to the Show Isabel
Isabel:
Thank you so much Ken for having me here. I’m so excited
Ken:
You're welcome, yes me too. So, let's go ahead and get right into this and talk about body shame and self-discovery.
Isabel:
Is that where we're starting? My favorite subject. Okay, body shame is something that I don't think I'm the only one that experienced it. I say that it's something that is taught to us when we are younger. Whereas the things we do... I think things have shifted a lot with parenting lately, but I think that when we were younger, our parents if they didn’t like things, or if our parents didn't think it was good for us, or if you're not doing something according to their specifications, parents would call you out on it or bring it up. Then there would be this non-acceptance. It almost feels like it's the behavior that has the non-acceptance, but it actually comes across to the child as non-acceptance of them, because as a child we don't know the difference. We think that it's us that are not accepted, right? So, I think that when you start to put on pounds when you're at a young age or you're eating in a certain way. In my family it was related to the way you ate and if you ate too much. So now all of a sudden that behavior is not acceptable and your family's kind of watching you. Now as you continue on your path of nourishment, which is supposed to be the most nourishing years of your life, we start to develop this story that we carry for the rest of our life. I am just going to go back to the child in the book “Eat Your Words.” Because we start to develop our vocabulary that we internalize based on what our parents are saying to us. So now if I were to consciously eat, I'm really going through my own psyche and saying wait, should I have this, or should I not eat this. I mean it starts at an early age. So, it's really actually about seeing ourselves in a certain way. Through the eyes of our parents or guardians or our loved ones, right?
Ken:
I have a bunch of experience with this also. I mean my wife deals with body shame and a number of family members who also deal with it. We actually have a foster daughter and I really have to be careful with the words I use. Because I do not want to put body shame onto her or words into her head. But I want to train her to take care of herself. There are just so many people who suffer from this. What do you think we can do?
What is the best way for folks to connect with you?
Web: Isabel Chiara
FB: TheActualizer
Insta: @EatYourWordsBook
Twitter: @IzChiaraAuthor
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Hope can carry us through the tough times when we have them. –Stephen King, Rita Hayworth in Shawshank Redemption said it this way. "Remember that hope is a good thing, Red, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies." There was a study done with rats in the 1950’s by Curt Richter, a professor at John Hopkins. The first group of rats were put in glass bowls of water. They swam for a few mins then gave up and drowned. The second group just before they would have given up and drowned were taken out of the water, held for a little while, let them recover and then put back in the water even though they only got picked up once, it made a big difference in their life expectancy. When he put them back in the water instead of minutes they swam for hours and hours.
So, what is the take away? Here is what I want to talk about. When you feel supported by others, when you feel like you have been rescued from time to time when you needed it, or if you believe the future will be a better place. These things will help you through difficult situations. They will provide hope.
There is this thing called “Vroom’s Expectancy Theory of Motivation.” You might be asking if I can give you the lay version. What this says is that people are motivated by 3 types of situations.
Hope is alive. It resides in the place where sadness, anguish and devastation bring the sentence of death. Hope looks forward. The future is what brings hope, for what is possible; the past is where we see the negative things that have happened to us. Hope builds and encourages.
This world needs hope! There is a bigger shortage of hope and love than of water or anything else that we need on this earth. According to the United Nations we are in the middle of a human crisis. We have many things happening that are “firsts” in the history of the world. We are so connected and the earth is so small now that we can get info around the world simultaneously. There are things like the global health crisis which have never before been seen at this scale. A global recession of record dimensions. This is stressing out the human family and the social fabric is being stretched so thin it is tearing. We need a new set of tools to overcome situations that have never before been seen. We need love and hope. We need to work together in solidarity to overcome this crisis. We need to see each other with love no matter the different backgrounds or beliefs that we have. We need to find hope in each other and in the future for us to overcome this crisis. We need each other. It is so very important that we find ways to connect with love and create hope.
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Let’s suppose it is Friday and evening is coming on. You have a good idea what you will find when you get home and you are dreading getting there. You know the fight will be outrageous. It will boil over and last the whole evening. The feelings are already welling up as you get into the car. You drive home playing the same tape in your head over and over. You are feeling some frustration, not understood, and deep-seated annoyance. These are emotions and expectations you are familiar with as this argument has been going on and on. By the time you reach home you are nearly sick with the hurt and frustration you are feeling. You walk in the door and things are just as you expected. You feel this heat rise up in a wave that goes up and over your entire body making you hot under the collar as the saying goes. After the wave crashes over you. You get started; the other person is right there to meet you. They are ready to party!
Have you ever had a fight like the one I described above? Maybe you only used some of the weapons here, not all. Pretty sure most of you can relate on some level to this story. When did the fight start? You might say when I entered the house, or maybe not till the yelling and name calling. But let’s look more closely. The fight started long before you walked into the house. In fact, in this case, it started before you got into the car. It started with the expectation that you put together as you contemplated going home. If you doubt me on this, I would love to have you send me a message on the Facebook page on an example of a fight that didn't start as an expectation. They should have known or they should have done it differently. I have had expectations come hours before or right at the moment. But the unmet expectation is when the fight begins. The fight is about getting your expectations met. In this story, on the ride home as you played out the experience over and over again it was part of the fight that you had with yourself. In the argument you have in your head do they ever get solved? Other people are usually more pigheaded in my brain than they are in person.
These are some of the worst things that anyone can do during a fight. We talked about the weapons that can be used in a fight. But weapons mean things will get bloody and someone will get hurt. It should be noted here that abuse in any manner physical, emotional, mental, is never okay for one person to do to another. It is possible to hash things out without weapons. Doing this can create love and acceptance. The #1 thing to leave out of a fight is name calling. That is a hurt that you cannot take away. I would place name calling under abuse. Name calling does include obscenities but obscenities are not the only way to call someone a name. #2 is the silent treatment or cold shoulder. This is where you slammed the door shut. This leaves the conflict unresolved and leaves the other person alone and hurt. This is very damaging to the relationship and the person. Next #3 bringing up past mistakes or unrelated issues to distract and deflect. Bringing up irrelevant past mistakes is counterproductive and puts them on the defensive. #4 Your focus is on being “right” or “winning” instead of focusing on understanding what is going on and what feelings are happening. #5 Many of the things we say in an argument do not even come out of our mouth.
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So yesterday was my 29th wedding anniversary. It looks like the number of those who are married for that long is in the 20% range. Now getting to this place was not easy. There have been multiple times my wife and I have discussed divorce. There were times when we hurt each other and times when we felt this isn’t what we signed up for. Over the years we have had fights, communication problems and arguments. We have at times lacked commitment. There has been distance and lack of physical intimacy in our relationship at times. Guess what in the 29 years both Eve and I have found that there are other people on this earth that we are attracted to. None of these things were abnormal for us and maybe not for you. None of these things stopped us from being married! Each time we hit a speed bump and talked about separating and didn’t as we worked on the relationship it deepened and became richer. It took us both to make changes and strengthen our marriage and keep it together for the last 29 years.
To create a healthy relationship there needs to be boundaries. In episode 223 about how we talked about setting up rules on how we wanted to be treated has been part of our relationship. We started setting them up when we were dating and we have renegotiated them as we have changed. But the most important thing is that we are following the rules that we set up. Boundaries help you and your partner to feel loved and accepted. They tell others what makes it so that you can feel appreciated. Boundaries are for the protection of all involved. They can be set for physical, emotional, sexual, Intellectual, and financial needs. You are qualified to set up borders for each of these types of needs. Boundaries have helped our relationship extensively. In setting up these boundaries' communication is key.
Talking about building an amazing relationship. What else besides boundaries are needed? The first thing that must happen is you must accept your partner as they are. There is nothing I want Evelyn to change because of me. She is perfect for me just the way she is. This is one of the things I choose. I choose to accept her and want her the way she is or the way she chooses to be. It is not that this is always easy, sometimes I have to check my expectations. My unmet expectations destroy whatever part of my life that I have the expectations about. So, I then choose to let go of expectations and accept Evelyn as she is. Accepting her also means loving and supporting her in her ways and beliefs. I am so grateful that she does this for me. Because of her acceptance there is no need of nagging because of her acceptance of who I am.
One of the things we learned at around 11 years of marriage, this was during a difficult point in our marriage, was to express appreciation often. This saved our marriage at this point in time. What it does is help you to see each other's helpfulness. It helps you to assign value to their contribution. They strengthen romantic connections. It makes people happier. Signs that you need to work on helping your partner feel appreciated may be that they don’t share their opinion. They are quieter than they had been. They make plans without consulting you. They appear more distant. These things all show that your marriage is lacking appreciation in one another. You can control only yourself, so choose to act differently. Start to show appreciation for your partner.
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Ken: We have Di Snarr on the show today. She Owns a “Touch of Healing” Kinesiology Di and I met on LinkedIn and it was just amazing. I was very moved by her story and I know you will be too. Di was on a podcast called “Just Interesting People” which was an awesome interview. Welcome to the show. What is the toughest thing you have had to overcome in your life?
Di: There were a lot of tough things I had to deal with. I think the top one is abuse, first being abused by others, and then because of that, I would abuse others, just in my interactions with them. Like at school when I was a kid or my siblings, and then I abused myself. The way I was, isolated me, So then I would abuse myself. It was a rough road to learn how to get out of those experiences.
Ken: You said you abused yourself. I mean I think all of us can relate to that. But how did that look for you?
Di: I was very promiscuous for a few of my teenage years between the age of 14 - 17. Some people would say being promiscuous, that's not a problem. But when you're doing it in a sense that you're trying to continue old abusive habits. That's where the problem is. When you have those experiences when you have any kind of sexual experience. Whether it's by yourself or someone else or you're looking at pornography or anything and anything of a sexual nature. Your body releases hormones and chemicals that connect you to that experience and so it affects you for your life. So for those who experience abuse that way it takes such deep healing. It takes a long time to heal, for some people they may never heal.
Ken: Yeah when you are abused they take your boundaries and they blow him up, right?
Di: Yeah, you're violated, you're damaged, you're never the same. It affects you on every level; spiritual, physical, emotional, and mental and then however many levels each of those contain. So you know if you're a religious person that can help with your spirituality, then for your emotional support you have to see a therapist. Then for physical, you never feel clean. It's so damaging especially when it happens so young, and that's all you know, it's normal. You eventually learn it hasn't happened to everyone around you and then you see them as clean. Now kids are so intuitive, so when I was in school the kids could sense there was something different. They couldn't put a name to it or understand it unless they had a similar experience. You know they don't know what to call it, but then they could sense the energy coming off of me. They don't know what to do with it, so I was relentlessly teased, I tied up at recess and they would throw rocks at me. It was a vicious cycle from the beginning until I met my husband. When we met I told him everything about my life, cuz I didn't want any secrets. I didn't want anybody to come to him and say “did you know this about her?” or like “this is who she really is.” or whatever. I was upfront with him, and it's not something that he learned growing up, cuz he didn't have an easy time either. But he discovered some things and then taught me that really helped me to come out of that. I was then able to learn what kind of things are acceptable, what’s not acceptable, and how to love myself.
What is the best way for folks to connect with you? personalpathways1111@gmail.com or Di Snarr | LinkedIn
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I hope you’ll bear with me this week My podcast may not be as long or maybe not as good. It has been a tough week. You know I work to be truthful with you my friends. It hasn’t been that long since I told you I was having a tough time, but I’m going to tell you that again today. It has been a rough couple of days. I didn’t get much sleep last night. I woke up at 4:30 and was stressed out, my mind moving over and over on things that happened the day before that I couldn’t change or do anything about. I’m betting that some of you have been there. When those times hit what do you do? Last night I tried mindfulness. I tried to focus on my breathing. After 30 mins of working on that, I got up out of bed. My bed is for sleeping if that is not going to happen then I get out. There were quite a few different options when I got out of bed. I don’t know about you but when I woke up like that I was not in the mood to start working. So instead I started watching tv, spent time with one of my favorite shows. Now I don’t need to put a judgment on it it was not a good thing to do, nor a bad one. It did stop the noise in my head. It distracted me from the things I couldn’t get out of my head. How long has it been since your stress has affected your sleep?
So why does this happen? Most adults need between 7 and 9 hours of sleep. I’m in the 8-hour club. There are many reasons you can be suffering from sleeping difficulties, include things like habits, lifestyle, medical conditions, medications, and thought processes. Behaviors that can affect your sleep are too much stimulation before bed. Things such as TV, video games, exercising caffeine, noise disturbances, and light also affect sleep. Some of the other things that affect sleep are physical pain, prescription medications, or frequent urination. Then there are also sleep disorders: Apnea, circadian rhythm, narcolepsy, restless leg. Sleep is also affected by stress, depression, work, and the amount of exercise done. So how is your sleep and what affects it? Why are you getting the sleep you are getting?
What problems can a lack of sleep cause? High blood pressure, diabetes, heart attacks, heart failure, or stroke. Did you know that lack of sleep can lead to premature wrinkling, obesity, and lower sex drive? That’s a good enough reason to get enough sleep right?
Sleep has four stages: that we cycle through. There is REM through Deep sleep. Your body and mind need to process through these uninterrupted or you will probably feel tired or have trouble concentrating. Not getting the right amount or all stages of sleep affects both our physical and mental health in a big way. We need to make sure that we get through all stages of sleep uninterrupted.
What are some things we can do to get better sleep? First off treat getting enough sleep is important. Number 2 and we have talked about this in other episodes but be consistent in what time you get up and go to bed. Then number 3 is put away electronics and at least 30 mins beforehand.
Please subscribe to this podcast and leave a rating and review, to help others find this podcast. Also, join the Facebook group. Here is the spot to click and set up a time so we can discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life!
