The 1999 classic The Matrix seemed like a pretty good idea but they really fumbled it at the end. This leads to the obvious question: if you could do whatever you wanted with The Matrix, what would you do?
Jamie makes a killing, Eddie simulates a simulation, and Alex goes full Mr Beast, as Judge Paul watches all that he knows and loves dissolve into 1s and 0s around him. At least we aren't torturing anyone. Oh we might be?... Strike that from the record.
We could monetise The Matrix through educational speedruns with Matrix U, make the original Matrix better by adding stats, or create a hit new Netflix show The Matrix Games. Alternatively we could be more altruistic with The Matrix by using it for luxury holidays, or use it to solve unexplained mysteries, or for the betterment of humanity by simulating otherwise unethical experiments. Whatever we end up doing with The Matrix, know that there will definitely be no moral dilemmas as a result. Well, probably no ethical problems. OK, maybe one or two...
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0:00 Where did we even get a Matrix?
2:14 Matrix U (education)
9:02 Add stats (gamify it)
15:39 The Matrix Games (Netflix hit us up)
21:26 Luxury Holidays (anything, anywhere, anywhen)
27:08 Solve unexplained mysteries (self-explanatory)
33:39 Unethical experiments (but ethical this time?)
39:33 And the winner is...
Ah yes, the weird, wacky, and wonderful world of comic books, equally captivating and crazy - especially when it comes to the characters. We all know a good superhero when we see one, but what about a compelling villain?
Paul fuses with some plastic bath toys, Alex utilises the power of avocado toast, and Eddie commits the slowest crime of all. Meanwhile, Jamie's alter ego, The Judge, uses its powers to... well, just be very judgemental really.
Whether it's the tax evading Sloth, the clean-up crew Rubber Duck Man, the industry destroying Millennial, the ethical evaluator Trolly Problem Man, the omnipotent DM, or the bureaucratic Risk Assessor, we'd be happy to sell any of these ideas to any major comic book publisher.
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0:00 Why do we need a new comic book villain?
1:36 The Sloth
9:15 Rubber Duck Man
15:44 The Millennial
20:48 Trolley Problem Man
28:47 The DM
34:53 The Risk Assessor
44:26 And the winner is...
Mario is always hosting parties but the food is always cold and the dice always roll 1s. So we think it's about time someone else hosted a party - the only question is, who?
Eddie collects balls, Jamie finally snaps, and Alex definitely isn't talking about Kingdom Hearts again, all whilst Judge Paul can't wait for the party to end.
We're making wishes on Dragon balls, popping balloons in RuneScape, avoiding Zeus, and hoping not to get sued by Disney before Thanos snaps us in half. Just remember: the public domain is always fair use.
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0:00 What happened to Mario?
1:33 Goku Party
10:26 Thanos Party
18:36 Party Pete Party
25:29 Dionysus Party
33:20 Mickey Mouse Party
39:32 Public Domain Party
44:44 And the winner is...
History is full of crime-fighting animals! Scooby-Doo, Skippy the Bush Kangaroo, and Detective Chimp to name but a few. But this begs the obvious question, which animal would be the best at stopping crims in the real world?
Eddie takes the prompt literally, Jamie will be the one asking the questions, and Bear is just pretty sure Eddie's answers are bad. Meanwhile Alex has doubts that this question was worth asking in the first place.
We explore mythological lawyers, bomb defusers, aggressive arrestors, beat cops, undercover options, and even a show favourite in a question that raises more questions than it attempts to answer.
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0:00 Why does the police need animals?
1:33 Sphinx
8:17 Octopus
16:49 Kangaroo
23:31 Bugs
33:34 Giraffe
41:06 A toad with a sniper rifle
48:02 And the winner is...
Our good friend Peter Parker (who may or may not be Spiderman) needs a new job. Between his stressful boss, being underpaid by his boss, and his boss trying to replace him with AI, being J Jonah Jameson's photographer at the Daily Bugle just isn't cutting it. So what job should Peter Parker (or maybe Spiderman) do instead?
Eddie thinks Mr Parker should stick to what he's good at, Alex reckons Peter is missing a trick, and Jamie believes Spiderman should take on even more responsibility. Meanwhile Judge Bear just wanted to bonk Spiderman with a big hammer.
Should Peter stick to his journalistic routes or get into kids entertainment? Is Spider Sense better for defusing bombs or winning the lottery? Would he be more productive as IT support or superhero support? All this and more on the Peter Parker Employment Episode!
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0:00 Who is Peter Parker?
1:34 Superhero sidekick
10:48 Emergency services worker
18:43 Night shift worker
25:05 Journalist
30:55 Climbing instructor
39:34 Fortune teller
47:18 And the winner is...
To celebrate our 50th anniversary (ie. episode) Eddie has thrown together a special quiz for everyone! And by "special" he means ridiculous, impossible, and above all, stupid.
Filled with callbacks, running jokes, and references to a few things which are a little too real; consider this episode a helpful refresher for listeners new and old. Whether you want a whistle-stop tour of everying Win Stupid Prizes to date, or you just want to reminisce the old days, this episode was created for you. Yep, specifically for you, [listener name].
However long you've been listening, thanks for joining us for the big five-oh :)
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00:00 No ordinary quiz show
03:22 How you doing?
05:00 How many children do I think I could beat in a fight?
06:16 What is the worst DnD stat to be your dump stat IRL?
08:21 Why would you be stuck on a desert island?
10:22 What would you yeet off a cliff to obtain the Soul Stone?
12:46 What does a hero truly need?
14:18 If you had all 7 Dragonballs, what would you wish for?
16:04 What would you do with a portal gun?
18:21 What would you like to be the boss of?
20:38 Is this statement false?
22:46 Where's Wally?
24:32 Where am I?
25:51 What would be TOO FAR for Pokémon?
27:43 Which fictional character would make the best DJ?
29:36 Which letter of the alphabet would win in a fight?
32:19 Which gaming franchise needs a racing spin-off?
35:04 What Chance card would you include in Hexagorgon Monopoly?
37:59 What would've been a more badass thing to say in Endgame than "Avengers, assemble"?
40:11 What virtues form the Win Stupid Priforce?
42:24 What is the prize for this episode?
44:54 And the winner is...
Welcome to Win Stupid Prizes, the comedy/pop-culture podcast where we ask the questions that nobody thought were worth asking and win some... unique prizes along the way!
If you've ever wondered which D&D class would MIN-MAX your life, or how 4 regular humans could stop Thanos, or even how would you bust ghosts; then this is the podcast for you!
More details at: www.hexagorgon.com/series/win-stupid-prizes/
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Jack Black is back with a brand new track to take his lumberjack stack back to his shack. To celebrate the release of the Minecraft Movie, we consider how we could actually survive in the most popular video game of all time (at time of release), but without the Warner Bros financial backing!
Jamie tries to use the game against itself, Eddie tries to exploit some loopholes, and Paul is confused about how he even got here in the first place. Meanwhile, Alex Judges from the rare position of having less playtime than Steam's return policy!
The Mines they are a callin', so grab your pickaxes and fend off a creeper as we befriend mobs, dodge griefers, destroy villages, and realise that one Enderman could ruin every single one of our plans.
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0:00 What is a Minecraft?
2:04 Build 2 blocks up
12:21 Befriend the mobs
21:27 Utilise my non-cube powers
32:37 Challenge my friends!
38:35 Enter Peaceful Mode
44:30 And the winner is...
In our quest to fix everything, this year we try our hand at the weather. You know, that thing that's always kinda gloomy in the UK? Yeah! We're doing a balance patch for that!
Eddie wants more choice, Jamie wants the weather to feel more unique, and Alex wants it to be far more regimented. Meanwhile, Judge Paul will do whatever it takes to maintain his position in government, including blame whichever idea he picks as the winner for all his personal failings.
So put your hazmat suits on in case it soups later. It may just be cloudy with a chance of meatballs at the moment, but the wood could always start going sideways. (Who knew that describing the weather sounded so much like a passcode?)
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0:00 Why are we changing the weather?
2:17 More types of weather
10:26 Nutritional weather
16:43 Weather as legal punishment
22:50 Vote on the weather
30:37 Individual personalised weather
37:09 Schedule the weather in advance
Crikey, Gromit! The budget isn't looking too grand - we'll have to sell some of my inventions to pay off our debts. At least these kind lads in marketing have some bright ideas about how to make a quick quid!
That's right, today we're going full Capitalism and trying to use some of Wallace's cracking contraptions to turn a profit. Jamie thinks big, Eddie gets the wrong idea, and Paul goes absolutely ballistic, all whilst Alex dangles a contract over their heads and tells them to jump.
In honour of Wallace & Gromit: Vengeance Most Fowl, we reminisce about some of our favourite moments in British Television history and consider how Wallace's inventions could actually be used to make money. We don't do anything wrong per se, but let's just say that this episode proves that not all ideas are good ideas.
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0:00 Who are Wallace & Gromit?
1:31 Porridge Gun
10:16 Mind Manipulation-O-Matic
17:12 Moon Rocket
22:34 Knit-O-Matic
29:17 The Wrong Trousers (Techno Trousers)
35:48 Bed Waking-Lever
Halloween did such a good job that we're wondering what other franchises would do a good Christmas? In this year's Holiday Special, we consider the implications of different organisations giving jolly old Saint Nick a year off.
Jamie fulfils some childhood fantasies, Alex does an Eddie, and Eddie doesn't know when his answers are. But between us, we (might) come up with a Christmas you'll be jealous isn't happening every year!
We suggest a smorgasbord of Santas, pitch a plethora of presents, and even bring some booby prizes for the bad kids! From cinematic classics and kids cartoons to the dreaded "Real Life", do we have some Christmases for you!
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0:00 I would do many things before Christmas
1:45 Corporate takeover (KFC)
12:31 May the 4th (Star Wars)
20:34 Jurassic Park
27:13 Fortnite
34:10 Dark Knight (Batman)
42:18 Duelist Kingdom (Yu-Gi-Oh!)
The Blue Blur is at it again! Only this time we plan to do the one thing than Dr Eggman couldn't and stop Sonic the Hedgehog. Can three Knuckles-heads succeed where the mad scientist formerly known as Ivo Kintobor hasn't?
Jamie pulls in other characters, Alex utilises traps both physical and mental, and Eddie plans to beat the Sonic Universe at its own game.
We consider unimportant topics such as: Is Sonic faster than The Flash? Can Sonic survive a punch? And what is the best foodstuff to model your robots after? We can't help but spin our Tails as we wonder whether beating a video game protagonist is even possible at all...
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0:00 What do you mean "stop Sonic"?
1:36 Outsource the job
11:45 Reduce his speed
14:56 Fight him!
19:49 Trap him!
29:29 Mid-life crisis him
33:09 Different main character
39:11 Physics?
41:32 Eggman 2.0
The Ghostbusters are MIA again! Instead of outsourcing the job again, this time we're taking the Thanos approach and doing it ourselves.
Eddie does what he always does, Alex makes use of accessories, and Jamie takes the emotional path, all whilst Bear judges their ethereal experiments.
We ask the philosophical questions like; are ghosts Pokémon? And, can you incorporate the incorporeal? But ultimately, as always, everything comes down to balls.
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0:00 Ghostbusting IRL
1:00 Pokéballs
9:48 Fight them
16:26 Therapy
25:27 Haunted House
32:36 Make them pay rent
40:04 Embarrass them
There are over 27,000 Magic: The Gathering spells in the game, and we have to whittle it down to just one. So we better make it a good one (or not, as the case may be).
Alex wants to improve their life, Bear wants to prank his friends, and Eddie just wants his fridge moved. Meanwhile, Jamie plays judge (both on the podcast and in the game) and vigilantly watches for rules violations.
We learn something about magic in real life, spend a lot of time simply stopping each other, and discover the real treasure was the tokens we created along the way.
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0:00 Best MtG spell IRL
1:00 Counterspell
5:42Artist's Talent
10:59 Bant Charm
17:08 You see a pair of goblins
24:35 Done for the day
30:49 Wrong Turn
Did you ever try to buy a house? It's really difficult, they all make too much sense! But in the world of fiction anything is possible...
Pwal suggests some interesting room mates, Alex includes a lot of moving parts, and Jamie breaks the laws of physics as they each play the estate agents pitching to start Eddie's property portfolio.
We discover that room mates are often a dealbreaker - no matter how nice the house - and have to consider the viability of the podcast in each location. Will any of us find a dream home, or is the concept truly fictional?
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0:00 Best fictional house to live in
00:48 Death Star
8:59 The Castle at the top of a Magic Beanstalk
17:52 Baba Yaga's house (with chicken feet)
26:02 The Teletubbies house
33:10 Bowser's Castle
39:20 Dexter's Lab
YARRR YOU SCURVY DOGS! We're assembling the finest seafaring crew the seven seas have ever seen! Just one problem, we don't know who to hire.
Ed, Bear, and Pwal bash their collective heads together to fill in the most important roles on a pirate ship, and desperately try and avoid a mutiny (or several) as they do so.
We pitch several Captains (not necessarily for the role of Captain), a handful of monsters, and more than one cartoon crab. The only thing we can say for certain is nobody's ever tried to assemble a team like THIS before!
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0:00 Who should be on our pirate crew?
1:04 Cook (Mr Krabs & Captain Birdseye)
6:01 Security (Batman & Bowser)
12:04 First Mate (Magneto & Flanders)
16:52 Navigator (Captain Ahab & Map)
21:59 Musician (Sabastian & Satan)
26:38 Figure Head (King Kong & Peter Griffin)
31:21 Captain (Bob the Builder, Barney the Dinosaur, Captain Price)
So we just get rid of one shark? AND there's a cash reward? Count us in!
It's the height of summer and tourist season is in full swing in Amity Island, but our old pal Bruce is up to his usual nonsense again. And by usual nonsense we mean eating people. So we've undercut the competition and we're out to stop him!
Using John Williams queues, kaiju, blood transfusions, a big kebab, and potentially Ed's fists; Bear, Pwal, and Eddie set about earning their easiest paycheck ever. Or so we thought at first.
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There's a brand new show coming out on the BBC! After 60 years they're launching Season One of Doctor Who, and however you count it, it's the perfect time to add some new enemies for the titular Doctor to face.
From classic Batman villains to Rowan Atkinsons finest role, from "whodunnit?" to "WAAAAGH!", we cover all manner of evil entities in this episode; but there's only space for one Dr Who nemesis...
Jamie pitches marvellous murder mystery bottle episodes, Eddie plans series long established franchises, and Pwal just wants to add a little Chaos to the mix. All the while, Judge Alex just wants to know what's all the hullabaloo about who this doctor really is anyway?
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With gaming sensation Palworld (AKA. Pokémon With Guns) sweeping the world of catchable critters, we simply need to know: What is the next big thing for Pokémon?
We explore options including sports, town planning, educational games, biological nonsense, just straight up copying Overcooked, and (of course) Capitalism.
Eddie cashes in his PokéPoints, Bear catches the longest Pikachu, and we let Alex cook, whilst Jamie questions why he gave his rarest Pokémon to a bunch of 10 year olds.
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PART 1: https://www.hexagorgon.com/podcast/wsp-033/ PART 2: https://www.hexagorgon.com/podcast/wsp-035/
The Siege of Gondor is nigh, Sauron's forces are amassing, the King is nowhere to be found, and the forces of good have entrusted their battle plans to three people who are more interested in the battle minis than the actual battle.
Meanwhile, three idiots, I mean, hobbits have a merry trek up a mountain and open a shop with absolutely no consequences!
The only thing left for it is a climactic showdown at Mount Doom with about as many survivors as you'd expect.
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