Our sons Shootar and Stabbar that we got from the sperm bank tricked us into eating a candy called Wiener Zucker and saying it was good so we brought them back. Barstool Milking Factory on a Kindle Fire is the new Uncle John's Bathroom Reader. Dr Witnesser is right about Christmas but wrong about Saturday. We need to find Amara and find out what it is as well 🎼Big Sean - A$$ ft Nicki Minaj   https://www.patreon.com/posts/142523645

Everyone from a GIF will be live in person at a convention center once we figure out how to rent it. Gore-themed birthday parties go crazy but the ARG is too hard. Dark triad style individuals such as Andrew Milonakis are leaving out poisoned cat poop for the neighborhood dogs to ensure that they never become the Jodie Foster in someone's Taxi Driver fantasy. Arby's meat nuggets are pretty good but later in the bathroom it might be a four-tiki-torcher plus a fire pit and a Febreze cloud that gets ignited. The guy in The Terminal was so lucky until he got turned into CGI and had to drive a Christmas train. China has a skeleton law and Perm is by the Urals.

On this one we teach you about ambassadors and how to gaslight a cop and convince him he has BPD so you can evade a ticket for selling loose handfuls of Reese's Pieces in an alleyway. My aunt is Egyptian and she has a cat for a head and she makes me chop cheese the aunkhy way. At the McDonald's in Times Square they have passenger pigeon nuggets to save money because you can buy passenger pigeons on Klarna. McDonald's is spiritually Israeli.   https://www.patreon.com/posts/141531385

Where did you go Joe DiMaio? And Katt Stevens, whatever happened to him after he gave up secular music and started performing on BET ComicView? Peanut oil vapes come in handy when you need to ensure your child never develops a peanut allergy that excludes them from dinner at a Norwegian style household. Dog oil works on the same principle. Travis Kelce is going to be in the new Hennessy ad campaign dressed like Cole Campbell

Everywhere you look all you see is Labubus and Dubai chocolate and when you try to get an education at a reputable Boston school the janitor just writes some nonsense about how you dubaidubai the legs and multiply the fun on the board. Go to Mar-a-Lago and tell them you want the whackmodololo longdubaidubai magicjohnson minthoneyhoney badbunny labubu or the Big Game Halftime Show is cancelled   https://www.patreon.com/posts/140628026

Baseball stadiums frown upon using the nicest pumpkin you ever felt to catch a baseball even if you have a Trump Card and Pete Hegseth is busy doing Edward Fortyhands on his lunch break. There is a restaurant where they serve poop but the guy never lets you have it. Chihuahuas are small but Great Danes are big. Durango is Spanish for The Range

Season 4 of Doug was weird because they did the Martin Lawrence arc and half of it was about Didi getting bred and his name was Caillou but they made him look like Eddie Murphy in a fat suit. Jay-Z clearly never saw Squid Game or Get Out in 2010 or he would have mentioned Young Hee   https://www.patreon.com/posts/139589436

Sir you cannot pass the HOA vibe check until you find the Ziggy Marley station on SiriusXM and to be perfectly honest you should have it in your first bank of presets. Check out ThinkGeek for geeky gifts for the geek in your life like an air freshener shaped like a foot that smells like feet or an air freshener shaped like a poop that smells like poop. Next year 9/11 is going to fall on the 13th

The sauce is robust and Celebrity Rehab is a bust. Howard Stern tried to fake us out with Andy Cohen but no one fell for it. The man with a calcified onion penis is in a White Zoo being used as a garden implement. Diddy had unforgivable hustle but he unforgivably misused his powerly and check out Fat March on TV   https://www.patreon.com/posts/138831526

Boll weevils are bigger than ever and they have new skins. Ethel Cain and Lana Del Rey are having fewd together in a car to squash the beef. All edibles are laced with weed and uncontacted tribes use feet to fish because fish don't have any feelings and there are no bugs yet and no Mary who smells like powerbait because ya gotta wash up down there bud. Guinness is handing out records for people who sail down the Mississippi with a scoby up their butt or holding a tiny pumpkin. Reverse Tintin was incredible 🎼Weird Al - Le Funk Dos Memes

Marilyn Manson had a rib removed so he could eat it because he was as fat as Rizzler Sr. who would never Benoit anybody unlike AJ Befumo or Jerry Sandiddy but it made him sick since it was refurbished. If you crashed your car driving to work listening to the Theo Von Rizzler interview because it lowered your IQ to the point that street signs became illegible you may be able to join a class action lawsuit if we can figure out how you do one   https://www.patreon.com/posts/137833489

God is gay because his wife left to join a sorority in 1200BC which is why he had to make Steve who has a leaf over his gape. Woke took cigarette lighters out of cars and we have to buy new ones to put in there. Theo Von is gayer than God because he drinks Celsius and sucks on Zyn but Zyn sucks because the points will never get you a waterbed to chew cigars on. Make sure to eat all your corn because your mom will find out later in the toilet   🎼Asher Roth - I Love College

A new God of War has been born but no one cool is from Naperville. When you ride past Telluride To Hell You Ride because out there they let their kids have gas powered RC cars and pee in the sump pump whenever they want and if they forget to go trick or treating they go around asking their neighbors for makeup candy and offering to shovel their driveway before the first snow   https://www.patreon.com/posts/136812090

There are facts about matadors and bulls to learn everywhere for those with the willingness to think of them. Tom runs Akron and Youngstown because Dave Grohl is busy. Wendy's is dishonoring Dave Thomas by renaming their burgers in Vegas. Old chairs have either a fart grater or a spaghetti strainer or a hole for a wormy tendril

Once they add an option on the soda fountain for a suicide you guys better not cause infinite recursion by making a suicide that includes the suicide syrup or this could get out of hand very quickly. Pickup trucks and garbage men should switch names. Never mix Ripits with whippits or you could end up MIA   https://www.patreon.com/posts/135832344

If you walk up there with gum or a Zyn you can add a minty spin to a Catholic classic and if you suck you can pop in a Bit O' Honey from the liquor store to ruin it. Actors have to retire next to an alligator and a lion so they never want to stop working. Kittie is the Pussycat Dolls of Canada and metal but if you remember them you weren't a real fan. Howie Day is not gay and even if he was it would be fine. Dean Dreayton would be fine to do Netflix and chill with but you have to buy your own return ticket. Landis 4 Time 6 is the only good Landis 4 Time movie.

Wrong – it's not Tallahassee, Florida. It's the home of Dealer's Choice frontman Roger Clinton. Trump is jealous of Bill Clinton's annoying brother which is why he hired Jeffrey Epstein to be his annoying brother. Grok wants people to hit on women with a Jar Jar Binks impression and Mike TTV is angry with us. I think there might have been hydrogen peroxide on the back of this picture frame and it bleached the wall.   🎼Bob Marley - Hotel California (MIDI Version)

I shatto my dick and my dick trickle. Jack-o-Lanterns are so scary that even baked into a pie you can taste their devilish smile. WasabiCon is dead but Bigo lives. God is a man with a flared base not unlike Richard Head the Shakespeare of innuendo who used to hang out with L Kent the Romano-British rapper who sells AQVAMINERALIS. Use promo code HONEY to sign up for Acorns

Here is an unlocked premium ep because the next public ep will be a day or two late because we are all so BUSY   Hey man can I use your bathroom all day? In perpetuity? Including but not limited to after you die and transferable with the deed to the house? No? Well I'm not allowed to at my other friend's house anymore because he hates Israel and my dung looks so much like Sabra hummus that it violates BDS. Lizzo dropped a Zyn in a Stradivarius she borrowed from a museum. Jimmy Carter is a shell for a hermit crab. His mouth is like a hollowed out former McDonald's because if you get too close and try to take pictures the employees come out and yell at you. I can't get hard looking at a picture of Jimmy Carter so I must be straight but I can't get hard looking at a picture of Kay Granger either so I must be bi

Gavin Rossdale if you are listening you were the ultimate Babadook and Blake Shelton could never do what you do. Cops are 1312ing themselves with BBLs. The Night Before is not The Night Of. RFK Jr is putting beef tallow back in Coca-Cola but all soda is clear now. Nike Nintendo Disney is the newest cool cover band you can hire for your Xennial birthday party   https://www.patreon.com/posts/134057213