Alice, Martha, and special guest Shut Up Tim discuss the 28th five minutes of Goblet of Fire, which includes the reveal of the real Moody and a special bonding moment over shared scars, all of which is apparently extremely boring to Dumbledore.  

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Martha gets to practice her singing (and just so you know, she actually can carry a tune, unlike Slughorn) as Harry gets some implied help from Felix following Aragog's burial on this week's episode! Plus, find out which legendary character Odo the Hero is definitely based on and what Slughorn most likely did with the acromantual venom he procured. 

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Find out who Bathilda is (unless, like Harry, you've already figured it out), whether or not Godric's Hollow suffers from the Charity Burbage Effect, and why Snape may have a case for a lawsuit on this week's One Page at a Time. Alice and Martha's excitement for returning to the seventh book may or may not have been justified with this page! 

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Alice and Martha return to Grimmauld Place, where this crucial page includes plenty of dungbomb hilarity and... not much else! Don't worry, though, there are obviously plenty of unique adverbs and even a mention of dear old Crookshanks to keep us afloat!  

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Alice and Martha return to character studies, covering one of the realest weirdos of all time! So, don your sun colors, sit far away from any erumpent horns, and hope that you're one of Fleur's guests so that Viktor doesn't duel you right here and now! Luna will be back any minute with the Freshwater Plimpies...

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Lockhart makes his third appearance in the OPAAT series, but will he win Real Weirdo yet again? Alice and Martha discuss page 297 of Chamber of Secrets, where Ginny's body is already lying in the Chamber forever, and the author is abusing adverbs more than ever. 

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It's finally time for the iconic "MY BOYYYY" moment. Alice, Martha, and special guest Shut Up Tim reconvene to discuss Harry's amazing acting, Moody's impressive impressions, and... was that the Giant Squid?? Plus, Alice has both a Slumdog Millionaire moment and possibly her dumbest guess of all time (according to Tim) during the Gimme Five. 

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Alice and Martha head back to Owl Post Again, again! This time, the trio is released from the hospital wing, hardly believing the events of just last night. Was that the Giant Squid??

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This week, Alice gets a break from extended Jim Dale narration and Martha does much of the heavy lifting with a classic impression of a real weirdo. Phineas Nigellus Black makes his first appearance on a One Page at a Time episode, as he gives a Quora-like lecture to Harry and "simple girl" Hermione about the limitations of the Hogwarts portraits. 

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Alice and Martha are back to discuss page 752 of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Hermione practices her improvisation skills and wows with her athletic prowess, while Umbridge falls for pretty obvious manipulation tactics and Harry resists the urge to strangle her. 

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When in doubt, follow the spiders to this week's One Page at a Time! Alice and Martha's discussion this week includes analysis of Ron's phobia and awe at Harry's experience with the Forbidden Forest. Plus, Lockhart is positively giddy following Hagrid's apprehension as Slytherin's heir. 

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This week's One Page at a Time takes Alice and Martha to the 388th page of Half-Blood Prince, which takes place in "Birthday Surprises" but doesn't include any actual birthday surprises. Harry obsesses over Malfoy on the Marauder's Map, while Alice and Martha obsess over the feasibility and scale of the map. 

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Alice and Martha cover the 492nd page of Order of the Phoenix, on which Harry fears he might be the weapon, the group rides the muggle train, and Mary GrandPre's beautiful, festive art is prominently featured.

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Alice and Martha discuss the 304th page of Sorcerer's Stone, as Harry gets a handsome, unlikely, and possibly even shady gift from Hagrid, escapes Madam Pomfrey's control, and makes his way to the end of term feast. 

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Alice and Martha discuss the 597th page of Goblet of Fire, where Dumbledore makes his first significant appearance of the One Page at a Time series as he explains a world which is entirely his own to Harry and Fawkes's presence is heavily implied. 

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Alice, Martha, and special guest Shut Up Tim are back to continue discussing the graveyard scene, this time featuring a full-bodied Voldemort and some very shadowy figures. Plus, Harry gets a new job as a spokeperson for a popular fast food restaurant! 

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In a surprising twist, Alice, Martha, and special guest Shut Up Tim are almost as excited to discuss this week's five minutes as Cedric was to realize the cup was a portkey! Wormtail casually slices his hand off, Daniel Radcliffe puts on the performance of a lifetime, and "Ralph Vines" transforms from the Embrymort into a full human body complete with prosthetic fingertips. 

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In one of the most Hermione's bag-worthy pages so far, Harry stops Ron from some important personal growth and Hermione bursts into tears at the *boys*! Find out which segment is a bit of a struggle for this page, and work through all of the WW questions with Alice and Martha on this week's One Page at a Time! 

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One of Martha's predictions from last week comes true as Harry finds himself in detention with Lockhart, hearing voices that no one else can hear. Is lilac ink really so strange, and who/what exactly is Gladys Gudgeon? Alice and Martha don't even need Quora to ask the most pressing questins on this week's episode! 

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Oh, cheer up, listeners! Alice and Martha return to the One Page at a Time series, while the trio returns home for the summer holidays. All on this page: the first sighting of a very tiny owl, an absence of food (especially chocolate), and a few good games of Exploding Snap!

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