My greatest thanks go to my teacher and colleague,
Siegfried Essen, who introduced me to spiritual-systemic
constellation and embodiment work in 2017. His work and
approach were a revelation from the very first moment.
Individual and group sessions allow people to observe
themselves from different perspectives by embodying
different parts of themselves or, in a group setting, of other
people.
By continuously accepting your body or yourself as a
whole, individual being—preferably at least once a
day—you direct your focus on reconciliation and
unconditional love instead of self-doubt and scarcity. Brain
research has confirmed that regular repetition of certain
behaviours creates new nerve connections in our brains,
even in adulthood. This means that we never stop learning
and can acquire new skills regardless of age. In the same
way, we can practice and learn self-acceptance and
compassion.
Everything we have ever experienced in our lives is
accumulated in our bodies. Even when we only
imagine or dream things, the body reacts. In terms of
directness and sincerity, our body awareness can be
compared to how toddlers express themselves. The body
reacts without thinking, expressing immediately what it
feels. It responds to what we imagine. For example, if we
believe that lactose is unhealthy for us and then drink milk,
there’s a good chance that the body will respond with a
rumbling belly, even if it turns out that the milk is lactose-
free.
Constellation and embodiment work is ultimately
about making us aware of unconditional love in
various situations and choosing it. We say YES to ourselves
and, therefore, YES to the life that we are. Confining
feelings of shame, self-doubt, etc., keep us from accepting
and receiving the love within ourselves. The hurt inner
child in us still believes it does not deserve to be
unconditionally loved. It learned early on that it must
conform to the ideas of others in order to receive the
approval of its parents or other caregivers.
Even if we repeatedly experience that we carry
unconditional love within us, why is it so difficult to
remember?
The body never lies; it sends its signals directly and
clearly. When we take up a position (a role) in a
constellation setting, we immediately sense whether we
feel comfortable there or not. We may feel tension in our
shoulders, sudden tiredness or the urge to sit or lie down.
The body gives us clear instructions if we listen to it.
Listening and paying attention are central to constellation
and embodiment work.
The word express comes from the Latin ex (“out”) and
pressare (“press”)—an encouragement to press out
what distresses us through speaking or embodying it. The
things that we hide or suppress do not resolve themselves.
On the contrary, suppressing and ensuring our secrets
remain hidden requires a lot of our precious life-force
energy. Sometimes we suppress feelings because we believe
that they are unreasonable or illogical. In this way, we hide
certain sides and parts of ourselves. It takes courage to
show oneself, to be vulnerable and to dare. As soon as we
speak out what frightens us, it loses its power and its hold
on us, and we feel relief. Expressing suppressed feelings is
frequently followed by sighs of relief, spontaneous
crying and laughter.
What often happens in interpersonal relationships
is a shift in personal responsibility, which
inevitably leads to problems. Self-responsibility shifts when
we make someone else responsible for our own well-being
or when we feel responsible for someone else’s. When we
take responsibility for ourselves, we become free again,
and in doing so, we free the other people involved as well.
How can we assert and maintain our boundaries
effectively?
Recognising one’s boundaries using the mind is often
tricky, as we tend to think that setting boundaries or saying
“no” is not OK.
The belief that being different or being challenged by
life is not OK may result in us hiding or only
revealing a particular side of ourselves: our “good side”.
Hiding, however, requires much energy. Protective walls
and illusions must be established and maintained, limiting
our freedom. Here, constellation and embodiment work
offers a life-affirming alternative with the approach that
everything is allowed, yet nothing must be. This implies
that there is space for all emotions—including fear, shame,
grief, etc. Nothing is excluded, and at the same time,
nothing is demanded nor forced.
We often find ourselves trapped in patterns of
behaviour because habits create a sense of
convenience and an illusion of security. Neurobiology has
proven that it takes more work for our brains to break
restrictive patterns than to continue them, so it seems that
human biology is geared towards the least effort rather
than our well-being. This inert laziness—also known as the
“inner demon”—can drastically reduce our vitality and life-
force energy. Caught up in habitual patterns, we react to
situations and confrontations in repetitive ways rather than
with free will. Without meaning and fulfilment, we
inevitably end up feeling subdued and discouraged.
Growth involves untangling oneself from that which
hinders us, just as the butterfly must free itself of its
cocoon for it to spread its wings and fly.
