Years ago, Lauren Makler was diagnosed and treated for a rare abdominal disease. Doctors told her her ovaries might not survive the surgeries she needed, so when she conceived her first child without any assistance, she was shocked. She took that feeling of having a baby despite the odds and turned it into her business, Cofertility. She wanted anyone who wanted kids to have access to fertility technology, and not let cost stand in their way. People who freeze their eggs with Cofertility don’t have to pay for the procedure (or storage) if they donate some of their eggs to a family looking for an egg donor. In this episode, Julia and Lauren talk about this new business model, the fertility industry as a whole and the emotional process some face in starting a family. _ Additional Resources:  Some of the resources Lauren mentioned in this episode:  Fertility IQ - a place to find the best fertility doctor in your area SART - learn about IVF and fertility best practices so you go into a doctor’s appointment with knowledge.  _ Subscribe to our newsletter for more refamulating! We share how refamulating looks in our own lives and share what we’re reading and listening to as we make this show.  _ Connect with us:  EMAIL: hello@refamulating.com.  WEBSITE INSTAGRAM TIK TOK _ Our team  Host: Julia Winston Producer: Claire McInerny  Audio Engineer: Josh Gilbert Theme Music: Luke Top – We are a member of the Feelings and Co network.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Julia and Claire are both getting married this year (cute!) and the wedding planning process has opened up new refamulating questions for them: who do we include in the celebration? What traditions are important and what do we want to ditch? And what is the best way to take back a wedding invite to all of your extended family (we have tips)! And then they reminisce on Claire’s recent bachelorette party in the woods where everyone talked about their feelings and cried. (And why this was the best!)  _  Subscribe to our newsletter for more refamulating! We share how refamulating looks in our own lives and share what we’re reading and listening to as we make this show.  _ Connect with us:  EMAIL: hello@refamulating.com.  WEBSITE INSTAGRAM TIK TOK _ Our team  Host: Julia Winston Producer: Claire McInerny  Audio Engineer: Josh Gilbert Theme Music: Luke Top – We are a member of the Feelings and Co network.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

For a lot of Americans, it’s getting harder and harder to find community. Fewer people are religious, we move around more and with more things online, we spend less time running errands and interacting with people in real life. In this Refam Chat, Julia talks to Katherine Goldstein, author of the upcoming book "How to Find Your People" and creator of The Double Shift substack, which gives advice on how to cultivate an in person community.  _ Additional Resources:  Check out Katherine’s newsletter, The Double Shift.  Here’s her essay about striking up conversations at the farmer’s market and her essay about why introverts need community too.  Block Party USA- learn how to throw your own block party!  _ Subscribe to our newsletter for more refamulating! We write about how refamulating looks in our lives, share resources we’re using as we make this show and share special bonus content for paid subscribers. _ Connect with us:  EMAIL: hello@refamulating.com.  WEBSITE INSTAGRAM TIK TOK _ Our team  Host: Julia Winston Producer: Claire McInerny  Audio Engineer: Josh Gilbert Theme Music: Luke Top – We are a member of the Feelings and Co network. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Our culture spends a lot of time talking about the importance of romantic love: finding it, keeping it, and normalizing it as THE most important person in your life. But that completely discounts the deep, meaningful friendships so many of us have. In this Refam Chat, Julia talks with author Rhaina Cohen about her book The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life With Friendship At The Center. Rhaina and Julia talk about the importance of friendship and how many people (including herself) are living with friends, raising kids together and placing friendships at the center of their lives.  _ Check out:  Rhaina’s book Rhaina’s Ted Talk  Rhaina’s newsletter   _ Connect with us:  EMAIL: hello@refamulating.com.  WEBSITE INSTAGRAM TIK TOK _ Subscribe to our newsletter for more refamulating! We write about how refamulating looks in our lives, share resources we’re using as we make this show and share special bonus content for paid subscribers. _ Our team  Host: Julia Winston Producer: Claire McInerny  Audio Engineer: Josh Gilbert Theme Music: Luke Top – We are a member of the Feelings and Co network.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

When Ruthie Ackerman was in her late 30s, she realized she wanted to have a baby. But there was a problem- she was married to someone who didn’t. So, she got divorced and began a transformative process to motherhood. In this Refam Chat, Julia talks to Ruthie about her experience with IVF and egg donation to finally get pregnant, what it was like to confront the stories about motherhood she grew up with, and how she’s created a new definition of motherhood for herself and her daughter. _ Pre-order Ruthie’s memoir The Mother Code now!!! Anyone who pre-orders the book can attend a writing masterclass with Ruthie on May 5.  _ Connect with us:  EMAIL: hello@refamulating.com.  WEBSITE INSTAGRAM TIK TOK _ Subscribe to our newsletter for more refamulating! We write about how refamulating looks in our lives, share resources we’re using as we make this show and share special bonus content for paid subscribers. _ Our team  Host: Julia Winston Producer: Claire McInerny  Audio Engineer: Josh Gilbert Theme Music: Luke Top – We are a member of the Feelings and Co network.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

To wrap season 2, we honor and celebrate the unsung heroes of our emotional lives—our closest friends. While we celebrate romantic milestones with parties and gifts, our friendships—often life's most enduring relationships—frequently go unhonored. In this episode, Julia shares an intimate conversation with her platonic soulmate, Lia, about what makes their friendship special and how they’ve stayed close through hard moments that could have separated them. _ The episode transcript can be found here.  _ Subscribe to our newsletter for more refamulating! We write about how refamulating looks in our lives, share resources we’re using as we make this show and share special bonus content for paid subscribers. _ Connect with us:  EMAIL: hello@refamulating.com.  WEBSITE INSTAGRAM TIK TOK _ Our team  Host: Julia Winston Producer: Claire McInerny  Audio Engineer: Josh Gilbert Theme Music: Luke Top – We are a member of the Feelings and Co network. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Show Notes:  Disagreeing with your family is nothing new. But in the last decade, as politics and culture in the U.S. have become increasingly polarized, so have many of our families. Jedidiah Jenkins felt this kind of division in his family from a young age when he realized he was gay in an evangelical Christian home. Now an adult, Jedidiah has figured out how to maintain a loving, supportive relationship with his mother despite their ideological differences. In this episode, Jedidiah shares how to set boundaries with a parent and how standing your ground with love can lead to deeper understanding. Read Jedidiah’s book: Mother, Nature: A 5,000-Mile Journey to Discover if a Mother and Son Can Survive Their Differences Listen to the full conversation with Jedidiah and his mom on his podcast Question The Self. _ The episode transcript can be found here.  _ Subscribe to our newsletter for more refamulating! We write about how refamulating looks in our lives, share resources we’re using as we make this show and share special bonus content for paid subscribers. _ Connect with us:  EMAIL: hello@refamulating.com.  WEBSITE INSTAGRAM TIK TOK _ Our team  Host: Julia Winston Producer: Claire McInerny  Audio Engineer: Josh Gilbert Theme Music: Luke Top – We are a member of the Feelings and Co network. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Almost half of American adults are single, yet we still treat being unpartnered as a problem to solve. But being single is not better or worse than being in a relationship, it’s just a different experience. In this episode, Julia interviews her single friends about what they love about being single and how they navigate a world built for couples. Then she chats with author Glynnis MacNicol about challenging the narrative that women need to be partnered to be happy.   Check out Glynnis MacNicol’s books, No One Tells You This and I’m Mostly Here To Enjoy Myself. You can read her New York Times articles here. _ The episode transcript can be found here.  _ Connect with us:  EMAIL: hello@refamulating.com.  WEBSITE INSTAGRAM TIK TOK _ Subscribe to our newsletter for more refamulating! We write about how refamulating looks in our lives, share resources we’re using as we make this show and share special bonus content for paid subscribers. _ Our team  Host: Julia Winston Producer: Claire McInerny  Audio Engineer: Josh Gilbert Theme Music: Luke Top – We are a member of the Feelings and Co network. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Erica spent her childhood living with a disability and needing a lot of care from her mom. As an adult, she’s now the caretaker to two children with disabilities. In this episode, Erica talks about what she learned from her mom as a caregiver, the day to day realities of caring for children who need a lot of assistance and how that impacts her career, her marriage and her finances.  Check out Erica’s newsletter at Caffeinated Caregivers. The song featuring Erica’s musical saw was Solar Eclipse by Jenny Johnson. _ The episode transcript can be found here.  _ Connect with us:  EMAIL: hello@refamulating.com.  WEBSITE INSTAGRAM TIK TOK _ Subscribe to our newsletter for more refamulating! We write about how refamulating looks in our lives, share resources we’re using as we make this show and share special bonus content for paid subscribers. _ Our team  Host: Julia Winston Producer: Claire McInerny  Audio Engineer: Josh Gilbert Theme Music: Luke Top – We are a member of the Feelings and Co network.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode we meet Kathleen Downes- a 31-year-old woman who lives with her parents and dog in New York. Kathleen has cerebral palsy, which means she needs constant care to do daily activities. Kathleen talks about the complicated relationship between care recipients and their families, the broken policies that force impossible choices, and the radical act of finding joy despite a system designed for isolation.  _ The episode transcript can be found here.  _ Connect with us:  EMAIL: hello@refamulating.com.  WEBSITE INSTAGRAM TIK TOK _ Subscribe to our Substack for more refamulating! We write about how refamulating looks in our lives, share resources we’re using as we make this show and share special bonus content for paid subscribers. _ Our team  Host: Julia Winston Producer: Claire McInerny  Audio Engineer: Josh Gilbert Theme Music: Luke Top – We are a member of the Feelings and Co network.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Aaliyah and Jamyla have three moms - their birth mother Nicole, their foster mom (soon to be adopted mom) Chalice, and Chalice's fiancée Rachel. Chalice and the girls met eight years ago when the girls needed a foster parent. In the eight years they’ve known each other, Aaliyah and Jamyla have learned how hearts can expand to love many parents in their blended family.  _ The episode transcript can be found here.  _ Subscribe to our newsletter for more refamulating! We write about how refamulating looks in our lives, share resources we’re using as we make this show and share special bonus content for paid subscribers. _ Connect with us:  EMAIL: hello@refamulating.com.  WEBSITE INSTAGRAM TIK TOK _ Our team  Host: Julia Winston Producer: Claire McInerny  Manager of Engagement: Grace Barry Audio Engineer: Josh Gilbert Theme Music: Luke Top – We are a member of the Feelings and Co network.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Something we’ve realized while working on this project is that the nuclear family has infiltrated so much of our lives. (For example, housing in America is designed for a single, nuclear family.) Another example of that is what we consider milestones in our life. Think about it- the list of big milestones in our lives is fairly short: graduations, getting married, and having a kid. These are the events where we throw parties, send gifts, and put in a lot of effort to celebrate a loved one as they reach this milestone. Two of those three major examples have to do with creating a family in the traditional way. But what if you’re single or choose not to have children? It can feel like you may never be celebrated as an adult if you don’t hit those particular milestones. That’s something both Julia and Claire have thought about at different points in their lives, which is why we wanted to talk about it on this month’s Refam Chat. __ Subscribe to our Substack for more refamulating! Paid subscribers can access the video version of our Refam Chats. _ Connect with us:  EMAIL: hello@refamulating.com.  WEBSITE INSTAGRAM TIK TOK Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Katie Bryan grew up in a nuclear family in Texas, and always dreamed her future family would include a doting husband, a beautiful house in the suburbs, and of course, children. She spent almost 20 years searching for the right partner so she could make this dream come true, but at 39 she was still single and child-free. That’s when she realized she didn’t have to wait for a husband, she could have a baby on her own. In this episode Katie shares her emotional journey of releasing the idea of what a family should look like, and building the family of her dreams.  Learn more about solo motherhood by choice at Katie's website. Listen to Katie’s podcast, The Single Greatest Choice. _ The episode transcript can be found here.  _ Subscribe to our Substack for more refamulating! We write about how refamulating looks in our lives, share resources we’re using as we make this show and share special bonus content for paid subscribers. _ Connect with us:  EMAIL: hello@refamulating.com.  WEBSITE INSTAGRAM TIK TOK _ Our team  Host: Julia Winston Producer: Claire McInerny  Manager of Engagement: Grace Barry Audio Engineer: Josh Gilbert Theme Music: Luke Top – We are a member of the Feelings and Co network.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A lot of us refamulating have faced a similar challenge: as we choose a new path or carve out a different role in a family, we realize there is no name for us. A step-parent wants a more warm and loving name. An egg or sperm donor with an emotional tie to the family doesn’t want to be referred to by this clinical title. Or maybe a close friend plays an important role to your kids but isn’t technically an aunt or uncle. On this Refam Chat, Julia and Claire talk about their own struggle with names, and read some of the names you all shared with us on Instagram for your unique family roles. A video version of this episode is available for paid subscribers to our Substack. - Join us for this month’s ReFamily Dinner, where we’re talking about navigating dysfunctional family dynamics. Our guest is therapist, writer and podcaster Whitney Goodman (@sitwithwhit). Come with questions for Whitney about estrangement and the holiday season, boundary setting, disappointment in family, accepting family, in-law relationships, politics, or anything else! This is a free, virtual event on Dec 3. Sign up here!! _ Connect with us:  EMAIL: hello@refamulating.com.  WEBSITE INSTAGRAM TIK TOK _ Subscribe to our Substack for more refamulating! We write about how refamulating looks in our lives, share resources we’re using as we make this show and share special bonus content for paid subscribers. _ Our team  Host: Julia Winston Producer: Claire McInerny  Manager of Engagement: Grace Barry Audio Engineer: Josh Gilbert Theme Music: Luke Top – We are a member of the Feelings and Co network.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When Emily was a child, a family member abused her and told her to keep it a secret. She kept that secret until she was 34, but her family didn’t react well once she told the truth. Eventually Emily chose to stop talking to them, and in this episode she explains her choice to be estranged from her family and why estrangement has been important for her healing. - Join us for this month’s ReFamily Dinner, where we’re talking about navigating dysfunctional family dynamics. Our guest is therapist, writer and podcaster Whitney Goodman (@sitwithwhit). Come with questions for Whitney about estrangement and the holiday season, boundary setting, disappointment in family, accepting family, in-law relationships, politics, or anything else! This is a free, virtual event on Dec 3. Sign up here!! _ The episode transcript can be found here.  _ Connect with us:  EMAIL: hello@refamulating.com.  WEBSITE INSTAGRAM TIK TOK _ Subscribe to our Substack for more refamulating! We write about how refamulating looks in our lives, share resources we’re using as we make this show and share special bonus content for paid subscribers. _ Our team  Host: Julia Winston Producer: Claire McInerny  Manager of Engagement: Grace Barry Audio Engineer: Josh Gilbert Theme Music: Luke Top – We are a member of the Feelings and Co network. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Show Notes: What happens when you expand beyond the nuclear family home? In this episode, we meet people who've chosen to share their daily lives with others in unconventional ways - from two married couples buying a house together to raise kids, to a man who's spent 14 years living on a hippie commune. Their stories challenge our assumptions about what makes a successful adult and show how living communally might be an antidote to America's epidemic of loneliness. Additional Resources:  "Everyday Utopia" by Kristen Ghodsee Learn more about Twin Oaks in Virginia Learn more about The Radish in Oakland  – Every month, we host ReFamily Dinner, a virtual event that connects our audience with someone who has refamulated. The guest talks about their experience and answers your questions. This month’s dinner is a conversation on communal living with Lily Lamboy and her husband Alex Savtchenko. Lily & Alex own and operate Ryza, a community home in Berkeley which they share with six friends. Sign up for this month's event here, and join us Nov. 13 from 8-9:30 p.m. EST.  _ The episode transcript is here.  – Connect with us:  EMAIL: hello@refamulating.com.  WEBSITE INSTAGRAM TIK TOK _ Subscribe to our Substack for more refamulating! We write about how refamulating looks in our lives, share resources we’re using as we make this show and share special bonus content for paid subscribers. _ Our team  Host: Julia Winston Producer: Claire McInerny  Manager of Engagement: Grace Barry Audio Engineer: Josh Gilbert Theme Music: Luke Top – We are a member of the Feelings and Co network. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The nuclear family has been held up as the ideal for generations, but it's actually a relatively recent invention. From college dorms to pandemic pods, some of our happiest moments come from living in community with others. So why do Americans cling to independence as a marker of success? In our Season 2 premiere, we explore how our individualistic lifestyle developed, what it's costing us, and how reimagining family structures could create a more connected future. Our guest is Dr. Kristen Ghodsee, professor of Russian and Eastern European Studies at the University of Pennsylvania and author of Everyday Utopia: What 2,000 Years of Wild Experiments Can Teach Us About the Good Life. _ Every month, we host ReFamily Dinner, a virtual event that connects our audience with someone who has refamulated. The guest talks about their experience and answers your questions. This month’s dinner is a conversation on communal living with Lily Lamboy and her husband Alex Savtchenko. Lily & Alex own and operate Ryza, a community home in Berkeley which they share with six friends. Sign up for this month's event here, and join us Nov. 13 from 8-9:30 p.m. EST.  _ Referenced in this Episode: "Everyday Utopia" by Kristen Ghodsee  "Homeward Bound" by Elaine Tyler May "The Nuclear Family Was a Mistake" by David Brooks in The Atlantic U.S. Surgeon General's report: "Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation (2023) Johnson County city bans co-living with four or more people _ The episode transcript can be found here. _ Connect with us:  EMAIL: hello@refamulating.com.  WEBSITE INSTAGRAM TIK TOK _ Subscribe to our Substack for more refamulating! We write about how refamulating looks in our lives, share resources we’re using as we make this show and share special bonus content for paid subscribers. _ Our team  Host: Julia Winston Producer: Claire McInerny  Manager of Engagement: Grace Barry Audio Engineer: Josh Gilbert Theme Music: Luke Top – We are a member of the Feelings and Co network.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Before season 2 officially starts Tuesday, Nov 12, Julia and Claire chat about a few things: Julia is officially a Fairy Godmother and shares an update (the twins are born! she's held them!) Claire is getting married, which has brought up a lot of refamulating feelings. And then we have a special segment where Claire, a reality TV junkie, makes Julia, a reality TV virgin, watch an episode of Sister Wives and talk about how they are refamulating. Listen to the season 2 trailer now! There's a video and ad-free version of this episode on our Substack. While you're there, subscribe to get more refamulating! -- Connect with us:  EMAIL: hello@refamulating.com.  WEBSITE INSTAGRAM TIK TOK _ Our team  Host: Julia Winston Producer: Claire McInerny  Manager of Engagement: Grace Barry Audio Engineer: Josh Gilbert Theme Music: Luke Top – We are a member of the Feelings and Co network.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We're back with season 2 of Refamulating! We have more stories of personal and family transformation including being a solo mom by choice, how caregiving impacts families, polyamory and more. Season 2 launches November 12, 2024. _ Subscribe to our Substack for more refamulating! We write about how refamulating looks in our lives, share resources we’re using as we make this show and share special bonus content for paid subscribers. _ Connect with us:  EMAIL: hello@refamulating.com.  WEBSITE INSTAGRAM TIK TOK _ Our team  Host: Julia Winston Producer: Claire McInerny  Manager of Engagement: Grace Barry Audio Engineer: Josh Gilbert Theme Music: Luke Top – We are a member of the Feelings and Co network. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Each month we host a live, virtual event called The ReFamily Dinner! It's a way for us to connect with other refamulators outside of the podcast. This month’s ReFamily Dinner will feature a conversation with Heath Schechinger, a psychologist and co-founder of The Modern Family Institute, about ethical non-monogamy. Whether you're considering this lifestyle or simply curious to understand it better, this talk will provide insights into how non-monogamous relationships can be structured in healthy, supportive ways. Join us to listen, learn and ask questions! The Q&A with Heath is Oct. 17 at 8 p.m. EST. Sign up for the event here! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices