For most of my life, I mourned the loss of a friend who died in a motorcycle accident the year I graduated high school. I thought I was grieving, but I was stuck in the shadows of that loss for a very long time. I cried without processing anything. I didn’t truly grieve his death until I got sober at 42. As a teenager, I was already hormonally irrational; add alcohol, and it tipped me into chaos. Drinking kept me numb enough to avoid the full weight of loss, yet clear enough to sit in the misery of it. I mistook suffering for healing and believed that the more I cried, the more I was honoring his life. I refused to move on, circling the same sadness for over twenty years, mourning but never truly grieving.
A few years ago, I lost a lifelong friend I’d known since fifth grade. He died from alcoholism. For a year and a half, I couldn’t listen to music without breaking down. Eventually, I had to move the grief. I put on my running shoes, went to the local sportsplex, and ran until I was out of tears while I blasted music in my ears. That’s when I truly grieved. It was painful and almost unbearable, but it moved through me.
In sobriety, grief transforms loss into gratitude for the love I shared. I used to believe that part of me was taken with those I lost. Now I know part of them stays with me, and that can’t be taken away. The ability to grieve is a gift that I didn’t always have. Sobriety has taught me how to live through grief.
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#griefandhealing #soberliving #recoveryjourney #emotionalsobriety #healingthroughloss #sobergratitude #lifeafterloss #selfreflection #growththroughgrief #recoverydaily
Slowing down has been a gift of my stroke recovery, and I learned it through sobriety. I used to move so fast that I never noticed much around me other than that which I was trying to change. I miss moving fast because slowing down isn’t optional anymore. It’s necessary for my recovery and to minimize my daily head pain. But, through the stillness and quiet, I’ve learned to savor it, being fully present in moments that used to slip by me.
Emotional sobriety taught me how to know my limitations without letting them defeat or define me. I try not to identify as broken anymore. I try to identify with the possibilities that come after hardship. I felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude last night sitting in a sobriety meeting in my new neighborhood. I saw faces that were still strangers but would soon become family. Overtime each person’s shared experience will add truth to understanding my own.
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#recoveryjourney #savoringstillness #emotionalSobriety #strokeRecovery #sobrietyjourney #mindfulhealing #livingpresent #growththroughrecovery #gratitudepractice #healingthroughfaith
A spiritual awakening sounded a bit over the top to me when I heard folks talk about it in meetings. I didn’t really understand spirituality much less what an awakening was. But I’m sure I’m experiencing it. It feels like a gradual unfolding of reality, trust, honesty, hope, and faith. All the while I’m learning more about who I am and my connection to each of you and the world around me. Lessons learned from my memories transcend the regret of the past.
There are times in life when I have no choice but to wait, and those moments teach me how to choose patience later, when I do have a choice. Waiting with intention turns fear and uncertainty into trust and faith. I can let time refine me instead of defeat me. I’m learning how to strip away mental distractions and live wide-awake.
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#spiritualawakening #emotionalrecovery #sobrietyjourney #faithoverfear #patienceandpresence #selfgrowth #recoverycommunity #mindfulhealing #hopeandhealing #recoverydailypodcast
Logic didn’t get me sober or compel me to make major changes in my life. I knew alcohol was destroying me long before I stopped drinking, but that knowledge wasn’t enough. I had to feel desperate. Every transformation in my life has started with an intense emotional spark. Change has always been ignited by pain, fear, guilt, or even hope. Messy, humbling emotions propel me if I allow them to.
It starts with acknowledging what I feel and letting it push me toward action. When I name the emotion instead of burying it, I can understand what it’s asking me to do. Emotions can be invitations. The fear that once paralyzed me now signals me that I’m on the edge of growth. Guilt ignites amends. Hope fuels purpose. Consistent responses to my emotions build new habits.
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#EmotionalSobriety #RecoveryJourney #ChangeThroughEmotion #EmotionalGrowth #SobrietyStories #HealingFromWithin #FeelToHeal #CourageToChange #RecoveryDailyPodcast #MindfulRecovery
I thought honesty was just not lying to other people, but I’ve learned that it starts within. When I got sober, I could see the hiding and breaking promises, but I couldn’t see the lies I was telling myself. I began to look at my motives, fears, and excuses throughout the day. I had to stop justifying my behavior and pretending I was fine when I wasn’t. Honesty requires presence. I can’t be honest about what’s happening right now if I’m stuck in yesterday or tomorrow. I need a constant check-in with myself, Am I doing the best I can right now? Or am I avoiding getting uncomfortable? That self-awareness without judgment invites growth.
I still make excuses for my character defects, mostly to protect my ego. But when I notice it happening, I recognize it as an opportunity to grow. Honesty is giving yourself permission to be vulnerable. Being honest keeps me spiritually awake and connected to reality. And as a professional irrational thinker, I have to work at not making up stories in my head about what I think everyone else is thinking.
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#HonestyInRecovery #EmotionalSobriety #SpiritualGrowth #RadicalHonesty #SelfAwarenessJourney #SobrietyAndGrowth #InnerHealing #AuthenticLiving #RecoveryDaily #MindfulHonesty
When I live in the present, life is simpler with less chaos, less noise, and less drama. In sobriety, that serenity comes from acceptance, willingness, and facing my fears. It’s doing the next right thing even when I don’t feel like it. That same mindset carries me through stroke recovery and life with chronic pain and vestibular disorder. Both require daily acceptance, balance, and the courage to live in what is, not what was or might be.
Growth only happens in the present moment. When I’m in my support groups, listening and sharing, I stay grounded where my feet are, and that’s where fear quiets and serenity waits. Living sober feels a lot like living with a chronic condition. It’s familiar, but still scary at times. Both are “one day at a time” journeys. Some days it’s one minute at a time, just showing up despite the pain. I don’t have to promise myself that everything will be okay someday. I only have to know that right now, everything is okay, and right now is where I’m learning to live.
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#sobriety #recoveryjourney #strokeawareness #vestibulardisorder #emotionalhealing #mindfulness #onedayatatime #acceptance #chronicpainrecovery #serenity
“How do you define yourself?” This question was posed yesterday in my first church attendance in years. I realized that I define myself by my limitations. I’m an alcoholic, I’m disabled, and I’m medically retired. But that’s not really who I am. I’m a woman with an endless passion in my pursuit of growth, joy, and serenity. I am changing my paralyzing self-pity and anxiety into action. Some days it feels like pulling out of a tailspin. Some days I’m fighting gravity just to sit up in bed. In sobriety, I recognize when life’s pulling me away from the principles of my program, and I can do something about it. What defines me is faith, connection, and introspection. I am nothing without that which is outside of me.
These days, my life is quieter, slower, more thoughtful. I get to spend a lot of time with me, learning who I really am.
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#identity #recovery #sobrietyjourney #selfdiscovery #personalgrowth #healingjourney #emotionalhealing #faith #connection #introspection
Hearing in early sobriety that I had “character defects” offended me. Who are you to say I’m broken? I just like to get drunk.
I’ve come to see these defects as imperfections or symptoms of being human. They’re not diagnoses that can’t be changed. My character defects distorted my instincts for survival, security, and belonging and were further swollen by alcohol. My drinking replaced natural instincts with artificial ones that I believed were keeping me safe. Now I work to reclaim those natural instincts through spiritual growth, honesty, surrender, and daily practice. When I see my ego, anxiety, self-pity, or insecurity on the rise, it signals me to understand where I’m still healing and learn how to live better.
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#SobrietyJourney #CharacterDefects #RecoveryGrowth #SpiritualHealing #AlcoholRecovery #HealingThroughFaith #EmotionalSobriety #HumanImperfection #ReclaimYourInstincts #RecoveryDaily
I experience inner healing and transformation through giving back. Hosting a vestibular disorders support group on Tuesday reminded me why service is such a vital part of my recovery. Before the meeting, I was hoping no one would show up. This is a classic alcoholic instinct to avoid the work and discomfort. But they did show up, and what unfolded was powerful for me. One woman attendee spent three years desperately researching what was wrong with her after a brain injury. She said to us Tuesday night that she finally felt heard, seen, and understood. Watching her relief and recognition strengthened my resolve to make help accessible to the sick and suffering. Giving back gives me purpose, and it also helps me emotionally heal from all I’ve lost. The outward act of service through hosting support meetings, sharing, and listening transforms me on the inside.
Whether through sobriety, stroke recovery, or vestibular disorder advocacy, my purpose is to carry the message and pass on what was freely given to me. Each time I do, I tap into more serenity, clarity, and energy to in my own recovery. The miracle of giving back is that in helping others find balance, I strengthen my own.
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#RecoveryThroughService #HealingByHelping #SobrietyAndService #VestibularRecoveryJourney #StrokeSurvivorSupport #GiveBackToHeal #InnerTransformation #CarryTheMessage #EmotionalHealingThroughPurpose #ServiceBringsSerenity
It’s challenging to reestablish routines after a stroke, and I find it to be so once again after moving into a new house. Every habit that came naturally now takes extra thought and energy, from feeding the dogs to remembering where things are in the house. It’s a humbling reminder that lifelong recovery requires patience and self-compassion. The mental fatigue that comes from having to think through every tiny step can easily spiral into anxiety or self-criticism, so I’m back to napping every afternoon. Napping is part of my emotional self-care and an act of acceptance. When I slow down, I can see the noise in my mind and choose to quiet it down.
Lately, I’ve been working through Step 4 again, making a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself. Most of my complicated emotions come down to simple human needs of being hungry, angry, lonely, or tired (H.A.L.T.). In the moment, it can feel discrediting to the heaviness of my feelings to simplify the solution like that. But, once again, when I pause, I can get honest with myself and take real action on the inside instead of lashing out or taking ineffective action toward others on the outside.
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#StrokeRecovery #AlcoholRecovery #Step4 #HALT #SelfCompassion #RecoveryCommunity #MentalHealthAwareness #TraumaticBrainInjury #stroke #12StepRecovery
Today has been one of those days where anxiety feels like it’s humming in every cell of my body. My heart’s been fluttering off rhythm since this morning, the way it does in a panic attack but for no clear reason. I keep taking deep breaths and telling myself it will pass, but the feeling lingered all day.
For so many years, I lived in this constant state of anxiety. Back then, my only instinct was to run from the discomfort and silence it with a box of Vella Chardonnay. But I can’t outrun fear. I can only walk through it. The difference now is that I know I don’t have to face it alone. I have the tools and willingness to talk about it no matter how uneasy it feels. In my morning meeting, we read The Man Who Mastered Fear, and it felt like divine timing. I have learned to move through fear differently.
At my old house, I used to take the shortcut home on walks, cutting my route in half whenever I felt too vestibularly symptomatic. But in my new neighborhood, there is no shortcut. Once I start, I have to go the whole way around the block to get home. And that’s exactly how fear and anxiety work for me now. I have to take the long way through them, not rushing the process or numbing it away. I hand it over and surrender, over and over again, even when it’s minute by minute. The fear doesn’t vanish, but I keep walking anyway. I trust that each step forward is healing me in ways I can’t yet see.
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#RecoveryJourney #OvercomingFear #AnxietyRecovery #SobrietyAndFaith #EmotionalHealing #OneDayAtATime #CourageToChange #MentalHealthAwareness #SurrenderAndTrust #TheLongWayHome
Have you ever heard someone say “this too shall pass” in hard times? When life feels unpredictable and uncomfortable it can reassure us that the pain is temporary. But I noticed today that when life feels beautiful and serene, a different fear shows up for me. How often I do fear that the good won’t last. It’s my instinct to protect myself from disappointment. What I’m realizing, though, is that if fear lives in both extremes, when am I actually just “being” and content. I am fully aware of my need to control and predict what comes next. But, when I let that fear run the show, it robs me of the joy and serenity that’s available to me right now.
So, “this too shall pass” means something broader that I gave it credit for in the past. Everything is impermanent. The work is in staying present, savoring the good without clinging to it, and moving through the hard without resisting it. When I talk about my fears out loud, they lose power over me. When I take action, I burn away fear’s energy and let it propel me toward growth.
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#RecoveryDaily #SobrietyJourney #MindfulLiving #EmotionalSobriety #LetGoAndGrow #FaithOverFear #SerenityInSobriety #HealingThroughPresence #ThisTooShallPass #GratefulRecovery
Moving into my new home has reminded me how much my sobriety has transformed the way I live. The same obsessive thinking that once fueled my drinking now shows up in unpacking boxes and decorating, but instead of feeling out of control, I can smile at it. This week I’m working on the pause, recognizing when I’m caught in the momentum of my thoughts and gently rein myself in. This week, walking to the beach, exploring my new neighborhood, and settling into a routine has given me immense gratitude for how far I’ve come. I’m living sober, grounded in new thinking and new doing habits.
Sobriety has given me the ability to filter out impulses from action. What were once automatic reactions (whether to drink, eat, or escape) are now choices I get to make with awareness, MOSTLY good judgement, and common sense. I don’t have to obey every thought that passes through my mind. I can stop, take a deep breath, and decide what serves my growth. That’s the freedom I didn’t know existed before recovery. Today, I’m not a victim of my thoughts or feelings. My “decision maker” is driving the bus. And when my “wanter” tries to distract me, I have the tools to steer myself safely back toward my higher purpose.
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#RecoveryDaily #SobrietyJourney #SoberLiving #GratefulRecoveringAlcoholic #MentalHealthRecovery #StrokeRecovery #FaithAndRecovery #EmotionalSobriety #MindfulLiving #FreedomInSobriety
Have you heard of Rule 62? Don’t take yourself too seriously. I’d heard it before but never knew it’s origin. The gist is to be able to laugh at yourself. I overthink everything. EVERYTHING. I just moved to a new town and am prepared to meet new people and build a new life at our new lake house. I had been thinking, “what do I have to offer new friends as a sober disabled person?” But the truth is I can quietly be an example to others of how sober vacay living is not only possible, but joyful. Rule 62 reminds me that sobriety adds freedom to my character and makes me more enjoyable to be around.
The past two weeks I’ve had a lot of time alone to reflect on relapse, gratitude, and what I’m carrying with me into this next season. Staying sober through uncomfortable situations is my superpower. My recovery program gives me tools and faith to handle things that used to baffle me. It’s a miracle that a life once dominated by alcohol can be turned into one of service, willingness, and hope. As I move into my new home, I’m reminding myself to lean further into my program, pray before I walk into new situations, and bring my world with me rather than trying to fit into someone else’s. I may never know who I’m helping just by living sober, but Rule 62 helps me to stay open, humble, tolerant, and not take myself too seriously.
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#RecoveryDaily #Rule62 #SobrietyJourney #AlcoholismRecovery #StrokeRecovery #GratefulRecoveringAlcoholic #SoberLiving #FaithAndRecovery #JoyInSobriety #HumorAndHealing
In my old garden, there was a bush that was so wildly overgrown that nothing else could fit. When I cut it back, it looked bare and wounded, but over time, it filled out beautifully while I was also able to add dozens of new plants. That’s what recovery feels like. I’ve been removing the unhealthy stuff that doesn’t serve me to make room for new growth. But pruning I’ve found is easier if I do it often. If I ignore it, things become unmanageable again, and I’m blind to the overgrowth. My character defects work the same way. If I don’t make time for self-reflection, I start missing what’s right in front of me (and inside of me).
Self-awareness requires slowing down long enough to see what I’ve been walking past every day. It’s like realizing the back of the bedroom door is filthy only when you finally close it and turn on the light. I don’t see it unless I’m looking for it. In recovery, I’m willing to take daily inventory, even when it’s uncomfortable. I can’t clean up what I refuse to see. Pruning spiritually, emotionally, and mentally is how I make space for new growth in my life.
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#RecoveryDaily #SobrietyJourney #AlcoholismRecovery #StrokeRecovery #SpiritualGrowth #LettingGo #SelfAwareness #EmotionalHealing #GraceInRecovery #GratefulRecoveringAlcoholic
Being honest about how I feel is tricky when sometimes I don’t even know. My depression, anxiety, and old patterns of thinking can be deceiving, convincing me that nothing is wrong when I’m actually really struggling. It reminds me of alcoholism itself. The very disease that was killing me was also the disease keeping me from seeing I was sick. Sometimes I’m ignoring something on purpose, but often I’m avoiding or postponing without even realizing it.
I’ve noticed that sometimes I’m white-knuckle my own fists, not gripping anything at all. It’s like clenching my jaw with TMJ. When I notice it and unclench, that’s surrender. I’m letting go. Recovery works the same way. Every time I loosen my grip and admit my true feelings, I’m surrendering. Only then can I see what’s happening inside me and take action to respond. Honesty is a minute-by-minute practice of opening my hands, unclenching my jaw, and letting go of what was never mine to control.
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#RecoveryDaily #SobrietyJourney #StrokeRecovery #AlcoholismRecovery #MentalHealthAwareness #HonestyAndHealing #LettingGo #SurrenderToWin #DepressionAndAnxiety #GratefulRecoveringAlcoholic
This morning I was reminded of the vicious cycle of my alcoholism. I’d wake after just a few hours of being passed out, trembling, sweating, and panicked. I would reach for the leftover tepid glass of wine on my nightstand to calm down and get me back to zero, as I’ve heard fellow alcoholics say. I was caught in a disease that is cunning, baffling, and powerful. I finally reached out for help and someone held on to me, believed in me, and showed me that I could break the cycle. Today, I choose sobriety, over and over again, to live in alignment with my higher power and my program for living.
In the beginning, sobriety felt impossible, foreign, and overwhelming. I didn’t understand the steps or the language, just like starting out in a new job where everyone else seems to know what’s going on. But in time, through showing up, working with others, and practicing daily, it became familiar and even comfortable. I’ve learned that my spiritual life is making continuous choices, moment by moment, to turn the dial back toward faith, hope, and community. Thankfully this program isn’t something I’ll ever graduate from. It’s a lifelong journey and way of life.
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#RecoveryDailyPodcast #AlcoholRecovery #BreakingTheCycle #SobrietyJourney #HigherPower #AAProgram #FaithAndHope #EmotionalSobriety #AddictionRecovery #OneDayAtATime
This morning in a meeting I heard a story that made mention of God delivering messages to us each day, and it’s up to us to look for them. Something about that didn’t resonate with me, so I decided to reflect on it and record an episode. On the surface, it sounds simple, but I insist that it is much more complex. Emotional sobriety means being able to see the world around me as a constant broadcast, like a message already written, and learning how to tune in. That tuning takes daily effort, through walking my dogs in nature (in Boris’ case, it’s just sitting in nature 😂), attending AA meetings, talking to my psychiatrist, and practicing prayer and meditation. Each of these fine-tunes the dial inside me so I can see the message clearly rather than letting my disease hijack the signal.
I don’t believe that my higher power is a postman dropping off new messages every day. Instead, the universe is already speaking all around me, all the time. It’s my decision to receive it. Sometimes, like when I saw that bucket of empty bottles, my first reaction was driven by depression and alcoholism, not sobriety. After 24 hours of inner resolution, I saw it differently. It became a gift and reminder of what I’ve been freed from. I make daily (even hourly) choices to turn the dial back toward hope, connection, and gratitude. I’m not waiting for God to deliver messages; I’m choosing to remove the obstacles caused by my invisible illnesses that block me from hearing what’s already around me. My sobriety is a gift, and connection helps me to keep tuning in.
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#RecoveryDailyPodcast #EmotionalSobriety #AlcoholRecovery #StrokeSurvivor #SobrietyJourney #HigherPower #GratitudePractice #DailyRecovery #AACommunity #MentalHealthAndRecovery
“I only have today” is traditionally spoken in my morning sobriety meeting in memory of a man who was passionate about reminding us to stay in the moment. The phrase narrows the battlefield to what’s in front of me rather than future tripping. When my head starts spinning with what-ifs or my body protests when I’m trying to push to hard, the phrase pulls me back from borrowing tomorrow’s courage and energy and using it all up before I get there. It turns overwhelm into manageable work.
Living by “I only have today” strips drama from my recovery. It frees me from heroic plans and the illusion I must do and fix everything today. Instead, I can sustain momentum with small, repeatable actions, trusting that consistency compounds. Today’s small choices are the currency of real change.
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#IOnlyHaveToday #OneDayAtATime #Sobriety #StrokeRecovery #RecoveryTools #MindfulRecovery #YoureOKRightNow #TinyActionsBigChange #GratitudePractice #RelapsePrevention
When I was little, visits away from home felt unbearably empty. That same hollow loneliness still shows up now in hotel rooms or when I’m away from home. Yesterday it crept in again while settling in to an airbnb. BONUS: The previous inhabitant left a bucket of empty beer and tequila bottles out back, and for a hot second my brain whispered, “Wouldn’t that be nice?” But I caught it and answered back, “no.” I felt the fatigue, nausea, sharp pains in my head, and the obsessive cheerleader on my shoulder egging me into sadness. After doing the work for nine years, I recognized the empties as a spiritual test and leaned into my sobriety toolkit.
So, I used my podcast today to talk through the loneliness and remember the practical things that can help me during this time. I looked at the anatomy of a relapse and where it can start. Loneliness is a real thing. It can be a scary thing, and it can be the first step of a relapse if not acknowledged and addressed immediately. Among many other actions in my toolbox, my podcast made me name the feelings out loud and admit that I know what to do. The simple act of sharing my feelings saves me over and over again.
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To learn more about vestibular disorders visit https://vestibular.org
#Loneliness #Sobriety #RelapsePrevention #RecoveryToolkit #MentalHealth #AddictionRecovery #PodcastTherapy #YoureOKRightNow #SpiritualTest #StayConnected
