Today's mini episode was another experiment of mine with a letter I wrote to my deceased bio dad as a healing tool a few years ago. I finished the letter last year. I had it saved on my phone.
I plunked it into a free Ai song tool and it cut me off so there are two completely different songs made from one letter. So note the big style change as it goes past the 4 minute mark and becomes a new song for the last part of my letter.
I wrote a letter so it doesn't have a catch or a hook or chorus I just put my letter into the tool and it made this song. I need to find a female singer to take this and make into a proper song. I love the first tempo and style way better than the 2nd half and have it all even as one song. Maybe a few more Dear Daddy's thrown in and many words changed to fit into a song better.
I am still crying. I have played this 20 times over the last few weeks. I can only hope if there is an afterlife that my dad can hear this song. If you are like me... Have some kleenex and take care while listening.
Thank you .
Pam
Someone showed me a feature on notebook Google where you can add any kind of text and it can make it into a podcast with AI, you can do with anything like a manual or any kind of text.
I decided to copy and paste in three out of the four of my correspondences with my half sister, I couldn't find the first one. I don't know where I saved it. I'm thinking it must be on our old computer. I have a paper copy somewhere. I will add that one and try it too, but I thought it was interesting to share here. Again this is just AI's take on reading my sister's response to my first four page letter, which is not included, I did include her second response after taking some time to talk to the family and then the letter that I wrote them last year. And let me say it's kind of scary how much emotionality is in it . And how much AI actually understands how painful this was for me too bad the real people involved don't feel it too. It created this in under 2 mins.
I deleted the first version of this episode because I still had a sound edit to do in the opening. I dedicate this episode to Gigi's mom. Last month I asked her if she wanted to post pone Part 2 in honour and respect for her mothers passing until May. I renamed this episode Hilde the Wilde for her mom to as a woman with a life and passions, sides of our mom they didn't always show us. We don't always get to know the whole person. and their feelings about having an affair or how they changed because of it. This episode is a continuation of my conversation with Gigi last June 2024. We talk about how her being 2SLGTBQ1+ and how coming out with her truth compares to her mothers struggle to come out with the truth and worries of being judged. Gigi shares ideas for resources that are needed for moms and dads of NPE's. Tough conversations like this are why these types of podcasts are important. It's not about insulting religion , it's about trying to understand the complexities of the guilt and shame and their influence on why our true stories are often kept a secret. Thank you Gigi for being so open and honest. I hope you find the right James soon.
The link to her blog is found here: https://www.facebook.com/share/18qFQJrDF7/
Just a quick update on the podcast and what is coming next...
Thanks for listening.
Pam
Books mentioned in this episode :
What They Never Told Us- Gail Lukasik
When You Shake the Family Tree- Margo Reilly
If You Only Knew- Leslee Liljenberg
The Girls That Went Away- Ann Fessler
Join me for Part 1 of a great conversation with fellow Canadian NPE Gigi. This episode was recorded in the Spring of 2024.
Thank you Gigi for sharing your story and the sound bite from your recording of your dad with me. We shared an amazing experience in Denver Colorado at the Untangling Our Roots conference. I am a much more healed person since attending and I am grateful for our connection and for your openness with your experience. Gigi really articulated beautifully how I felt about so many things. Her feelings about the hurt and loss when you had a close relationship with your mother breaks something in us, even though it doesn't take away the love, and our empathy is there, something is forever changed from this NPE secret.
Mentioned in the Podcast
Untangling our Roots
https://untanglingourroots.org
Right to know
https://righttoknow.us ( you can also find them on Facebook and Instagram
NAAP
https://naapunited.org
This part 2 is so short because Eve starting asking me about my story and I felt that I needed to take it out as I am a chatter box and to record my own story to keep this episode focused on Eve's journey. I had also planned on interviewing her sister but with my extended break and the time difference, I didn't get it booked. I hope to do an episode with her sister down the road as a sister's perspective would be fantastic to have.
Eve is amazing. Thank you for the great conversation and for sharing your movie and story with the world.
To learn more of Eve's story ...You can watch Man on the Bus on Apple TV in Canada or check your local apps in your area.
Thank you Eve.
This is Part 1 of 2 of my chat with Documentary Film Maker, Eve Ash. Eve made my year by agreeing to talk with me about her film Man on the Bus. I loved this film that I watched several times about her NPE child of an affair discovery. You will want to sit down and watch this before you listen to the episode. You can find her movie on Apple TV. The Movie trailer introduction starts off today's podcast.
https://tv.apple.com/us/movie/man-on-the-bus/umc.cmc.7hopc37paz46m1ut2suuz1b6r
I am so excited to have Jen who is an NPE -Child of an Affair and a Therapist share some of her own healing journey and insights of this discovery as our first guest.
If you want to hear Jen's Full NPE discovery story head over the "DNA Surprises Podcast" her episode aired on May 23, 2023. Titled “Jen's DNA Surprise”.
Trigger warning: We dig into the deeper feelings around her conception and that energy of her creation from the affair.
This episode is not therapy. Please contact a mental health practitioner if you are experiencing difficulties and need support.
If you would like to be a guest, contact me at npechildofanaffair@gmail.com
Resources Mentioned:
Support Groups and Retreats
Hiraeth Hope and Healing Retreats for NPE/MPEs
https://www.hiraethhopeandhealing.com
Not Parent Expected Canada
https://notparentexpected.ca/
Search Facebook for NPE Groups
Other resources
IFS Therapist-Stands for Internal Family Systems- Richard C. Swartz Author/Therapist
EMDR Therapist- Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing
NLP- Neurolinguistic Programming
Other Amazing NPE Podcasts
If you would like to be a guest contact me at npechildofanaffair@gmail.com.
A warm up episode to sharing my full story. I read a letter I sent this week to my biological half sister to confirm that a year ago I received confirmation from a cousins DNA test that their father Jack, was also by bio dad.
Please join me. I look forward to recording your NPE Child of a Affair story soon.
You can email me at npechildofanaffair@gmail.com
Resources mentioned:
Book: If you only knew- Navigating DNA Surprises and the NPE World by Lezlee Liljenberg.
Facebook Private Group- Search for NPE Support on your facebook and complete the questions in the screening room for the group you would like to join. Please note there are some public informational pages and Private ones for support choose a private one to participate in support online.
I created this podcast as a supportive space to share our stories and perspectives around finding out that we are the child from an affair our parents had. You can share your interest in being a guest by emailing me at npechildofanaffair@gmail.com. This is a Supportive space only for those working through the discovery. Family members involved, therapists and experts on working through the Not Parent Expected Child of an Affair discovery are also welcome. You are not alone.
Are you the child of an affair, a therapist who works with those dealing with this type of discovery, are you the mother, father or bio dad or siblings newly found or from the original family and want to share your story to help support other NPE's who have recently found out that they are the child of an affair. You can reach me at npechildofanaffair@gmail.com. Let's dig in and talk about all the angles of this and how we can work together whether independently or has a family to navigate and work on healing from such a shock and trauma that affects our identity and sense of self. You are not alone.
This is a Supportive environment only any comments or emails to the contrary will be deleted and blocked.
Resources:
Books:
NPE* a Story guide for Unexpected DNA Discoveries by Leanne R Hay
Healing Journey for your MPE Discovery by Lynne W Spencer
Who even am I anyway- a process journal for Adoptees, Late Discovery Adoptees, Donor Conceived NPE, and MPE Community by Eve Sturges
My Re-Birthday Book- This is My Story by Kara Rubenstein Deyerin
Other resources:
Support Groups on Facebook- Search for NPE Support on Facebook
Not Parent Expected Canada
Hiraeth Hope and Healing retreat for NPE's
