We can often get so wrapped up in maintaining the longevity of a romantic relationship that we become rigid and fixed in our viewpoints. We create rules and boundaries that get in the way of growth and expansion. When the relationship can truly be based in friendship, there is so much more room for new opportunities and new experiences. Today Kristi and Rainer talk about how important it is to keep that friendship alive for a relationship that’s on fire.

Everything in life has an ending. When major parts of our lives end or change, it’s easy to look back and only remember the good or only remember the bad. Remembering rightly takes a conscious effort of looking at multiple points of data and recognizing the perspective and feelings of everyone involved. From that place of remembering rightly, we can move forward in truth. This episode takes a look into the steps to do that.

Sex is the originating source of life. It is such a potency and such a power….and so many of us are so afraid to talk about it. Why is that? This episode dives into the topic of sex. Where did we learn about it, what shapes our perception of it, and why is it such a heavy topic of conversations? Everything gets laid out here.

Love is expansive and cannot be placed in a box. Marriage is more nuanced than a simple piece of paper or agreement. There’s depth in the journey and how do we navigate that journey, how do we move forward together. What is the real meaning of marriage? What is the real meaning of love? In this episode, Kristi and Rainier open up about their experiences and everything they learned in this journey.

Love is expansive and cannot be placed in a box. Marriage is more nuanced than a simple piece of paper or agreement. There’s depth in the journey and how do we navigate that journey, how do we move forward together. What is the real meaning of marriage? What is the real meaning of love? In this two part episode, Kristi and Rainier open up about their experiences and everything they learned in this journey.

How often do we find ourselves losing “our self” in relationships? We have a tendency to self sacrifice and betray our own wants and desires for the perceived needs of another. That tendency is a road to self betrayal. It is profoundly important to both mutually and independently trust ourselves and create an atmosphere where our partner can trust themself. Then we can both accept the whole of ourselves and the self in the other. This episode dives into the personal experiences of this type of self betrayal in Kristi and Rainier’s own relationship.

Resentment can be like an infection. Once it starts, it can grow and worsen over time. The only way to heal it is to look at the issue, clean out the poison that’s crept in, and then start the process of healing. Without looking at our resentment in a relationship, there is no way to begin to even think about forgiveness. So how do we do it? How do we look our partner in the eyes and say “I resent you for this…..you hurt my feelings in this way?” Learn more in today’s episode.

Forgiveness is a multifaceted process. Anything can be forgivable and there can also be times when forgiveness is not an option, at least in the moment. True forgiveness requires responsibility taking and reverence. Forgiveness is a freedom for all parties involved. This episode dives into the nuances of what it means to forgive and be forgiven.

Many times, the most challenging thing is to be vulnerable, even with our most intimate relationships. Expressing vulnerability means that the thing we’re expressing may be true of us and the emotions we are trying to avoid can come out, so it’s easier to ignore. That ignoring can eventually lead to crisis in relationship. This episode explains what vulnerability factors are, how to identify them, and work through them.

Love is a mystery, but it’s a mystery that’s solvable. So much of how we show up in love, the roles we play, the character we become, comes from our learned experiences as a child. We adapt certain parts in order to fit in and belong. It’s not necessarily a “good” thing or a “bad” thing but understanding the origins of behavior can give us the freedom to make the choice to change the script.

When there is a breach of trust, large, small, implicit, or explicit, the thrill of a relationship goes away. The connection is strained and intimacy can be the furthest thing from our minds. Building back that connection through means of erotic recovery is a tool the come back to one another. This episode goes into what erotic recovery means and how to use it.

When relationships don’t work, it’s rarely because of whatever is going on in the present moment. There is a history at play. When that history isn’t brought to the surface, evaluated, accepted, and processed, then patterns continue to play out. This episode takes a look at how where we’ve been can tell us where we’re going next.

So many of us are afraid to be seen for who we really are. Sometimes we don’t even want to truly see ourselves. The more we reinforce that pattern of unintentional deception, the harder it is to be honest when we need help to change. It takes courage to change and it takes courage to change. In this episode, Kristi and Rainier discuss what it was like to finally accept where they were and reach out for help.

We all have a tendency to showcase our greatest traits in the beginning of a relationship. We don’t want to go into the shadow side, the mistakes, the challenging questions. We don’t want the other person to run, we want to belong. Eventually we can’t hide anymore and shadows come to light. In this episode, Kristi and Rainier talk about the beginning stages of their relationship and how that shaped their relationship now.

In the aftermath of an affair, there’s a desperate search. It’s a search for some kind of anchor in a whirling storm that has no end in sight. Shame, guilt, anger, it’s challenging enough to navigate one’s own emotions, let alone another’s. Who can you trust, who can you rely on to be a support, to feel seen, to be heard, without preconceived stories getting in the way. We need backup.

Relationship dynamics, personal roles, how we deal with conflict, these patterns can be passed down for years and years, generation after generation, until someone takes a look at its origin. If we don’t get curious about how our past can affect our future, we can get stuck in the grooves of time. The clues that foreshadow our path are there, are we brave enough to look?

What happens when the one who brings you the most comfort is the one that hurts you? How many questions come up when you become a stranger to yourself and everything you know about the life you have comes crumbling down in a single moment? To solve a mystery, start at the scene of the crime.

A couple investigates the landscape of modern relationships, exploring their own issues as they reveal how connections are often born, solidify, and at times unravel. Rainier Wylde and Kristi Born (both highly trained as clinical psychotherapists) take an intimate and probing look at the mysteries of committed connections, monogamy, infidelity, marriage, eroticism, forgivingness, attachment and trust. Their story offers a vision of real people taking extraordinary risks, caring courageously and loving like hell.