As the popular adage goes, "You can't pour from an empty cup." In Episode 28, Dr Drea encourages us to practice self-care daily in our lives, especially when we are going through rough times in our relationships.
Music Credits
Intro Music: Tu Foto by Bad Duck
Episode Song Clips: Through the Fire, sung by Chaka Chan (written by Cynthia Weil / David W Foster / Tom P Keane)
Michael Jackson asked y'all (sorta aggressively), "Do you remember, girl?" In Ep. 27, Dr. Drea continues with her Through the Fire Series,* this time encouraging couples to create a personalized memories resource to use when times get rough.
*The Through the Fire Series is a series of episodes that provide healthy, relationship focused suggestions to help you and your partner navigate through rough times.
Music Credits
Intro Music: Tu Foto by Bad Duck
Episode Song Clips: Through the Fire, sung by Chaka Chan (written by Cynthia Weil / David W Foster / Tom P Keane)
The "Through The Fire Series" is a series of mini episodes that provide healthy relationship-focused suggestions on how to manage tough times in your marriage or dating relationship. In this episode, Dr. Drea discusses waiting a specific period of time when you're emotional (angry, frustrated, hurt, etc.) before addressing or attempting to respond to a comment or behavior from your significant other that bothers you. Don't choose violence, ya'll!
In Episode 25, Dr. Drea encourages us to avoid being pulled into unnecessary arguments with our significant others.
Like Salt-N-Peppa said, "Opinions are like a**holes, everybody's got one." In Ep. 24, Dr. Drea discusses the overwhelming amount of relationship advice given on social media and how to sort through it all. Just because someone's advice sounds good, that doesn't necessarily make it right for you and your relationship. Should we listen to anyone who makes a video if others agree with them, or should we be more intentional and deliberate with picking which voices we trust and receive information from? Dr. Drea shares her concerns about social media relationship advice and provides insight on how to discern whose ideas you should consider.
In the words of Webbie, "I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T, do you know what that mean?" In a world where being viewed as independent is more desirable than being dependent, can a man or woman be too independent, and how does the independent spirit negatively impact relationships? In Ep. 23, Dr. Drea explores the reason why many Black people become "independent," and how being overly self-reliant can create barriers in connecting with friends, family, and significant others. She recommends interdependence as the pathway to healthy, Black relationships.
Since Black men and woman are abuzz about the recent viral video of a single mother with four children "exposing" the father of one of her kids for buying McDonald's for his child only, Dr. Drea provides her unique commentary on the topic. Focusing on the bigger picture and the health of Black families rather than right or wrong, Dr. Drea provides a deeper interpretation on what she sees within this family's dynamic and what we all can take away from their struggle that can better our community as a whole.
Episode Links
Initial Video: https://youtu.be/8IQOZprbaiA
Breakfast Club Reaction: https://youtu.be/0P5J38HSJ6o
Mom's Explanation Video: https://www.facebook.com/100046114503301/posts/pfbid02NEeDmLfDSKxLF6AhQxmMCvhd43HCd9VNEAeksz732nM9gwR1nKHaBt8AKQARpf8Fl/?d=n
"The wealth-gap data tells us that despite Black people being in the US for over 400 years, the American Dream is still outside of reach for many of us. In 2019, the average wealth for a Black household was $24K in comparison to white households at $189K. This is mostly due to systemic efforts and policies that have and continue to economically disadvantaged Black Americans. When we consider the health of our relationships and marriages, should Black Americans continue to set our sights on achieving the American Dream?" In Episode 21, Dr. Drea challenges listeners to redefine our goals and efforts toward the American Dream.
Music Credit: Tu Foto by Bad Duck (SnapMuse)
Statistics and Information Sources
https://www.americanprogress.org/article/eliminating-black-white-wealth-gap-generational-challenge/
"Dating or being in a relationship with someone who is inconsistent in their behaviors or words toward you can be confusing and frustrating. On the flip-side, possibly you are the person who is hot one moment then cold the next. Mixed signals ruin relationships because they prevent the person receiving these signals from feeling secure with the person giving them." In Ep. 20, Dr. Drea breaks down the what and why behind mixed signals in romantic relationships, as well as discusses how you can address them in a healthy manner.
Music Credit: Tu Foto by Bad Duck (SnapMuse)
Social media is full of opinions, and many of these opinions can be detrimental to your relationship. In Episode 19, Dr. Drea provides insight on how to prioritize our romantic relationships (or future relationships) and protect them from negative and unrealistic views pushed on social media.
Intro and Outro Music: Tu Foto by Bad Duck (SnapMuse)
In Episode 18, Dr. Drea encourages us to prioritize our significant others over our social relationships and manipulative pressures from our families of origin. She warns listeners not to allow the negative words and ideas of others (including family members) to destroy our healthy bonds.
In Episode 17, Dr. Drea talks candidly about how the pursuit of money and career success can become a never-ending distraction to the development of your most important relationships. Are you priorities in order?
In Episode 16, Dr. Drea discusses fear, that we face the risk of being hurt in a relationship and how it can keep us from getting too close to potential mates, or even our spouses. She refers to Chaka Khan's hit "Through the Fire," and reflects on how she overcame her own fears in the early parts of her romantic relationship. She encourages listeners to chart their own path for love and not compare their relationship with others'.
Intro and Outro Music: Tu Foto by Bad Duck (SnapMuse)
Link to Lyrics - Through the Fire by Chaka Khan (Written by Cynthia Weil): https://www.lyrics.com/lyric/30023732/Chaka+Khan/Through+the+Fire
"Many of us may be the first in our families to consider therapy. We’ve seen plenty of fake counseling sessions on TV or in movies and these scenes may be off-putting. The truth is that very few therapy sessions on TV reflect what counseling is really like for clients." In Episode 15, Dr. Drea provides a more accurate idea of these sessions, as well tips to make the most out of your experience.
Music: Tu Foto by Bad Duck (SnapMuse)
Transference and Countertransference Info: https://www.choosingtherapy.com/transference-and-countertransference/
"Many of us say we want to be in a relationship or married, but our actions don’t consistently reflect this desire. We are aware of the idea of people having commitment phobia, yet we stereotype these individuals as “forever bachelor” types or those who only date others for a few months before breaking things off. This narrow view of commitment phobia excludes those of us who are better at hiding their fears, which are probably the majority of people who struggle with this issue. Being afraid of commitment has the ability to keep you in an endless cycle of dating without authentic relationship development or even married without true monogamy and vulnerability." In Episode 14, Dr. Drea shares examples from her own life, dealing with commitment phobia, and encourages listeners to assess their behaviors to figure out if fear is leading to sabotage in their relationships. She also provides self-work questions to assist in the self-assessment process.
Music: Tu Foto by Bad Duck (SnapMuse)
"Toni Cade Bambara begins her classic, African American novel, The Salt Eaters, with this compelling question: “Are you sure, sweetheart, that you want to be well?” At first thought, the question seems unnecessary. What ailing person doesn’t want to be well? What hurting person doesn’t want wellness? Yet every day we cross paths with those who cling to their pain and disability even in the midst of opportunities to be healed." In Episode 13, Dr. Drea acknowledges the passing of self-appointed relationship expert Kevin Samuels and its emotionally charged, chaotic impact on Black male-female interactions on social media. She asks her listeners to consider if their current behaviors reflect the desire to be mentally and emotionally well and encourages us to make small steps in the direction of healing.
Music: Tu Foto by Bad Duck (Snapmuse)
Definition: Psychosomatic illness - a physical illness caused or aggravated by a mental factor such as internal conflict or stress.
"Hurt people, hurt people. Stop taking advice and listening to hurt people who aren’t doing the real work to heal. They’re ability to help you heal is low to nonexistent. In the Black community, we all have pain, whether it’s intergenerational trauma, childhood trauma, heartbreak, poverty, abuse, or the impact of racism itself. This is why it is essential to not only work towards out own healing, but not take on the others’ pain." In Episode 12, Dr Drea discusses the importance of challenging the advice of hurt people, including internet influencer Kevin Samuels, and provides tips for moving past the pain.
Music Credit: Apologize by Yigit Atilla (SnapMuse)
Audio Clip: https://www.instagram.com/p/Cc0Rjhsle4v/
"There is a frequent saying from many men in the Black community as it relates to the women in their lives, “Be my Peace.” Most say it without explaining what is meant. In reviewing Black women’s response to this statement, some women seem to embrace the notion while others see it as one more expectation placed on women in a patriarchal society. Is it fair for men to request that women be their p-e-a-c-e? And those who don’t, are they destined to be become their p-i-e-c-e? Does it even matter? And how does it impact the effort to have a healthy Black relationship?"
Music: Apologize by Yigit Atilla (SnapMuse)
Definition: Peace is freedom or a period of freedom from public disturbance or war; a quiet and calm state of mind; agreement and harmony among people; an agreement to end a war
Definition: War is a state or period of fighting between two states or nations; a struggle between opposing forces for a particular end
Definition: Conflict is a disagreement between two parties where each perceive a threat to their needs and interests
Audio Clips (in order of placement in episode)
How Women Disturb A Man's Peace: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n7TzLwEhDyo&t=2s
Being a Man's Peace: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kgkEXlQYj0s&t=175s
Nagging vs. Being His Peace: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tk981BYgxA&t=239s
"In Episode 6, Bae Is Getting Boundaries, Dr. Drea defines the differences between boundaries and ultimatums, and promises listeners for a show on the topic of ultimatums. As promised, this week’s episode digs deeper into the differences between the two, as well as provides insight on why ultimatums are unnecessary drama."
Episode 10 Giveaway! WIN an autographed copy of the book, Kiss & Tell: Releasing Expectations by Dr. Drea. Go to https://anchor.fm/drdrea by Friday, April 22, 2022 at 5 pm EST and let me know how much you’re enjoying the podcast. Randomly pick a winner and announce at the beginning of next week’s show. (Domestic winner will receive paperback, International winner will receive ebook).
Definition: Ultimatum is a final demand or statement of terms, the rejection of which will result in retaliation or a breakdown in relations.
Definition: Boundary is a real or imagined line that marks the edge or limit of something, and boundaries are the limit of what someone considers to be acceptable behavior.
Music Credit: Apologize by Yigit Atilla (SnapMuse)
If you listened to Episode 8, you're probably ready for the female side of the conversation. What Black Women Are Trying To Tell You and What Black Men Are Trying To Tell You is an ongoing, 2-sided series Dr Drea is doing to help bridge the gap between the genders, to help us understand what each side may be attempting to say to the other. Remaining on the topic from the previous episode, Dr. Drea shares her views on what she believes many Black women are attempting to communicate to Black men during conversations around Channing Crowder's recent public criticisms of Ciara and Russell Wilson. Dr. Drea includes an audio of the infamous clip and provides definitions to terms including sexism, misogyny, patriarchy, and Black feminism.
Music Credit: Apologize by Yigit Atilla (SnapMuse)
Definitions
Sexism: prejudice, stereotyping, or discrimination, typically against women, on the basis of sex.
Misogyny: dislike of, contempt for, or ingrained prejudice against women.
Patriarchy: a system of society or government in which men hold the power and women are largely excluded from it; male domination both in public and private spheres; describes the power relationship between men and women.
Black Feminism: centers the experiences of Black women, understanding their position in relation to racism, sexism, and classism, as well as other social and political identities.
Full Pivot Podcast Clips Episode: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZIi716mMFM
