What’s stopping us from having the sex we want?
In Free Sex, Adam Zmith speaks to a different guest every episode to ask what a world of free sex would look like. In hearing from kinksters, sexual health doctors, writers, sex workers, therapists — and anyone with a fresh perspective on sex — Adam is building an image for a future where we are not held back in sex.
Free Sex is produced by the provocative and groundbreaking team at Aunt Nell, producers of The Log Books (British Podcast Awards Gold winner for Best New Podcast) and Black And Gay, Back In The Day. It is an inclusive podcast produced by a queer team, with respect to all genders, sexualities and LGBTQI+ identities. From mild to wild, everyone is welcome.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
What’s stopping us from having the sex we want?
In Free Sex, Adam Zmith speaks to a different guest every episode to ask what a world of free sex would look like. In hearing from kinksters, sexual health doctors, writers, sex workers, therapists — and anyone with a fresh perspective on sex — Adam is building an image for a future where we are not held back in sex.
Free Sex is produced by the provocative and groundbreaking team at Aunt Nell, producers of The Log Books (British Podcast Awards Gold winner for Best New Podcast) and Black And Gay, Back In The Day. It is an inclusive podcast produced by a queer team, with respect to all genders, sexualities and LGBTQI+ identities. From mild to wild, everyone is welcome.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
How would housing justice help our sex lives?
My guest in this episode is Alva Gotby, a writer and housing organiser. She is also the author of the new book Feeling at Home, which is all about housing politics. Alva’s idea is we can’t talk about free sex without talking about housing — the spaces where we live have a huge impact on the kind of sex we’re able to have.
I talked with Alva about the horrifying housing crisis we’re living through, the progress (and backsliding) of women’s rights with regard to housing and sex, the way we give far too much power to landlords, and the coming legal changes to the housing system — which actually offer some tiny glimmers of hope.
Another book on this topic is Against Landlords by Nick Bano, which I’ve been reading recently and it’s excellent.
A transcript of this episode is available on freesex.substack.com.
Hosted, produced and edited by Adam Zmith
Music: Translife by Othon
Artwork: photo of Borneo mealworm by @DamasterCarabus / design by Adam Zmith and Rebecka Öberg
Executive Producer: Tash Walker
An Aunt Nell Production
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
How can we prioritise pleasure?
My guest in this episode is Prishita Maheshwari-Aplin, a writer and queer community organiser. Having just written a book about the politics of pleasure, called Roses for Hedone, Prishita has a lot of deep thoughts about how we could structure our societies so we can pursue pleasure. You can see why I wanted to speak to them!
It might be self-evident that a world of free sex includes the pursuit of pleasure, but I found talking about this with Prishita to be immensely illuminating. Once we started, I realised that for many of us sex is not always, or even often, really about pleasure at all. And, weirdly conversely, that it’s important to single out pleasure as a human experience to be fostered, because then you can start to see that it’s also about so much more than sex...
A transcript of this episode is available on freesex.substack.com.
Hosted, produced and edited by Adam Zmith
Music: Translife by Othon
Artwork: photo of Borneo mealworm by @DamasterCarabus / design by Adam Zmith and Rebecka Öberg
Executive Producer: Tash Walker
An Aunt Nell Production
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
What’s stopping us from flirting?
My guest in this episode is Alice McKee, a playwright and documentary maker. Alice thinks we can build a world where people can have the sex they want if only we were all better at flirting. Are we too full of nerves and anxieties that we can’t even make a goofy joke?
In our conversation Alice drew on her work as the writer of a play called Perverts. It’s set in a queer sex club and has played at three theatres over the past few years. The main character is down to f*ck, but less available for more emotionally vulnerable activities like flirting and love. So we had a fascinating chat about all this — including how it works specifically for lesbians, how writing exposes our vulnerabilities, and what Alice is working on next...
A transcript of this episode is available on freesex.substack.com.
Hosted, produced and edited by Adam Zmith
Music: Translife by Othon
Artwork: photo of Borneo mealworm by @DamasterCarabus / design by Adam Zmith and Rebecka Öberg
Executive Producer: Tash Walker
An Aunt Nell Production
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Can men use AI to learn how to seduce women?
My guest in this episode is Georgi Dimitrov, founder of an AI platform that helps men to generate a fake woman, and then chat to her. Georgi knows that a lot of straight men struggle with texting, chatting, dating, and sex, and building relationships...
But having spoken to Georgi I’m not sure he’s got the right answer. As you’ll hear in the interview, Georgi says Fantasy.ai can be a place where men can practice seduction, without stakes, fear or shame. But it sounded to me like the platform’s business model and AI model don’t challenge the sense of entitlement to women that many men have, don’t help men to listen to women, and don’t create realistic women. His all-male team also could undermine the labour of women in the adult industry.
I’m sharing the episode with you because Georgi says he has an answer for how to build a world where people can have the sex they want. I don’t think it’s a good answer, but what do you think?
Related episode: 025 - Sex robots - Heather Parry
A transcript of this episode is available on freesex.substack.com.
Hosted, produced and edited by Adam Zmith
Music: Translife by Othon
Artwork: photo of Borneo mealworm by @DamasterCarabus / design by Adam Zmith and Rebecka Öberg
Executive Producer: Tash Walker
An Aunt Nell Production
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
To mark the milestone of hitting 50 episodes of Free Sex, I want to add my own idea for how we can build a world where people are free to have the sex they want.
My proposal is delightfully simple and appropriately bonkers: let’s put a sex space on every high street in Britain. Yes, I’m serious. No, your granny probably won’t approve. Your neighbour will ask you to sign the petition against it. The prime minister will laugh you out of town. But I am really serious about this idea. Join me while I build the case...
A transcript of this episode is available on freesex.substack.com.
Hosted, produced and edited by Adam Zmith
Music: Translife by Othon
Artwork: photo of Borneo mealworm by @DamasterCarabus / design by Adam Zmith and Rebecka Öberg
Executive Producer: Tash Walker
An Aunt Nell Production
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
How can we educate people so they can enjoy their shameful desires?
My guest in this episode is Dug Gaines, who is a living legend. For 50 years Dug has been running the Foot Fraternity, a network for people who love feet. More specifically, Dug himself is into asthenolagnia, which is arousal from perceived weakness, vulnerability, and humiliation — often wrapped up in shame.
Having spent half a century helping others to explore their fetishes that are rooted in asthenolagnia, Dug has plenty to share. We talked about how society has opened up sexually since his adolescence in the 1960s, and yet how we still need to do more to help people who want to play sexually with humiliation and shame. It was an honour to interview Dug, and he’s such an entertaining speaker!
A transcript of this episode is available on freesex.substack.com.
Hosted, produced and edited by Adam Zmith
Music: Translife by Othon
Artwork: photo of Borneo mealworm by @DamasterCarabus / design by Adam Zmith and Rebecka Öberg
Executive Producer: Tash Walker
An Aunt Nell Production
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
What if we all quit watching influencers and met to discuss sex instead?
My guest in this episode is Ruby Rare, who has a bone to pick with the internet. She’s built a huge online audience for her work as a sex educator, author, broadcaster, and public speaker. Ruby’s voice on sex and relationships is essential for our times, and it’s great that people can hear and see her ideas about sex online. But recently she’s been wondering: what if we turned away from our phones?
Ruby and I had a meandering but fun conversation about the way the form of social media can pervert good messages about polyamory. Her answer for how to build a world of free sex is to put down our phones, get out of the house, and meet in town for a chat instead. I think you’ll really enjoy listening to Ruby make her case!
Ruby’s book The Non-Monogamy Playbook is out now, and it’s fab.
A transcript of this episode is available on freesex.substack.com.
Hosted, produced and edited by Adam Zmith
Music: Translife by Othon
Artwork: photo of Borneo mealworm by @DamasterCarabus / design by Adam Zmith and Rebecka Öberg
Executive Producer: Tash Walker
An Aunt Nell Production
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Is group sex the way to a better world?
My guest in this episode is Leanne Yau, who runs the @polyphiliablog viral accounts across social media. Leanne is a polyamory educator who, among many other things, wants people to know more about group sex. Leanne told me how group sex and polyamory are different; and then we went on to discuss the social politics of it all. From the question of whether more people are getting into group sex to the need to de-stigmatise polyamory, Leanne has a lot to say!
She also wants you to know that if group sex is something you fancy, you should try it — and Leanne can help you do it well. It’s a great conversation and Leanne is great fun as a guest!
A transcript of this episode is available on freesex.substack.com.
Hosted, produced and edited by Adam Zmith
Music: Translife by Othon
Artwork: photo of Borneo mealworm by @DamasterCarabus / design by Adam Zmith and Rebecka Öberg
Executive Producer: Tash Walker
An Aunt Nell Production
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Are sex events and fetish gear too expensive?
My guest in this episode is Matt Skully, who’s a performer, curator, events producer and occasional sex worker. His heart is as big as his desires as dark—and he’s got a long list of ideas that could make sex more financially accessible to people.
Fetish gear costs money, event tickets aren’t getting cheaper, and sometimes you have to travel big, expensive distances to get to the place where you can enjoy the sex you want. We don’t talk enough about how wealth inequality holds us back from sex (although check out episode 040 with Eva Oh!), so I was thrilled that Matt wanted to talk about this. I really enjoyed hearing about his experiences working the door in fetish clubs, and talking through his ideas for how we can build a world of free sex.
A transcript of this episode is available on freesex.substack.com.
Hosted, produced and edited by Adam Zmith
Music: Translife by Othon
Artwork: photo of Borneo mealworm by @DamasterCarabus / design by Adam Zmith and Rebecka Öberg
Executive Producer: Tash Walker
An Aunt Nell Production
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Can we find a way to take sex seriously?
My guest in this episode is Anastasiia Fedorova, a latex lover and author of a book called Second Skin: Inside the Worlds of Fetish, Kink and Deviant Desire. Anastasiia takes her subject so seriously that she’s built it into her life—and written a whole book about it.
I was fascinated to hear more about the research she’s done for the book, from fetishes for cars, monsters and medical gloves, as well as the classics such as feet, latex and leather. As a queer kinky person from Russia, Anastasiia also makes a good case for why it’s important to know the history and politics of sex topics.
You can pre-order the book now, including from Bookshop.org.
A transcript of this episode is available on freesex.substack.com.
Hosted, produced and edited by Adam Zmith
Music: Translife by Othon
Artwork: photo of Borneo mealworm by @DamasterCarabus / design by Adam Zmith and Rebecka Öberg
Executive Producer: Tash Walker
An Aunt Nell Production
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
What if sexuality wasn’t a spectrum?
My guest in this episode is Sari Van Anders, who is a very multi-faceted scientist and thinker. Drawing on her experience in behavioural science and neuroscience, plus gender and queer thinking, Sari and her team have built an incredibly refreshing concept for how we can think of ourselves as sexual beings.
We tend to think of our gender and sex as one thing, and that we are attracted to others based on their gender and sex (eg, I’m a man who fancies men so I’m gay). But it’s much more complicated than that! Which is why I just say I’m ‘queer’! Sexual Configurations Theory (SCT), which is Sari’s idea, includes other factors like how many partners you fancy, how body parts are distinct from gender identities, and the relative strength of different kinks in making up our desire.
I’d love to know what you think of SCT — listen to Sari and let me know ;)
A transcript of this episode is available on freesex.substack.com.
Hosted, produced and edited by Adam Zmith
Music: Translife by Othon
Artwork: photo of Borneo mealworm by @DamasterCarabus / design by Adam Zmith and Rebecka Öberg
Executive Producer: Tash Walker
An Aunt Nell Production
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
How should we regulate sex clubs?
My guest in this episode is Karl Verboten, one of the masterminds behind one of London’s greatest kink club nights, Klub Verboten.
Karl told me the story of how Klub Verboten had to fight an archaic licensing system in order to hold parties that are sex-positive and safe at the same time. It’s a really fascinating story to do with local politics, legal regulations, the relationship between club promoters and the police — and it even involves kinky people sending sexy photos of themselves to the local council!
Karl has discovered that good sex spaces require dialogue between promoters and the authorities. Together, Karl believes, they are creating a new culture around sex spaces that places ‘traditional knowledge’ from the kink community at its heart.
A transcript of this episode is available on freesex.substack.com.
Hosted, produced and edited by Adam Zmith
Music: Translife by Othon
Artwork: photo of Borneo mealworm by @DamasterCarabus / design by Adam Zmith and Rebecka Öberg
Executive Producer: Tash Walker
An Aunt Nell Production
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Are sex-positive people too self-righteous?
My guest in this episode is Zachary Zane, a writer whose work focuses on sex and, well, his own experiences as a bisexual slut. Zach literally wrote the book on being a Boyslut.
Zach came on Free Sex to talk about how writers like him (and me), and anyone else talking about sex politics, can improve how we talk about sex. If we are hoping to build a world of free sex, we need to share information about sex in a way that doesn’t alienate people or ‘call them out’. I was super interested in hearing Zach’s opinions on this, mixed with his own experiences of writing about sex.
We even discussed the backlash to Zach’s writings about STIs, and how that was an example of why we need to talk about sex in a more loving and compassionate way.
A transcript of this episode is available on freesex.substack.com.
Hosted, produced and edited by Adam Zmith
Music: Translife by Othon
Artwork: photo of Borneo mealworm by @DamasterCarabus / design by Adam Zmith and Rebecka Öberg
Executive Producer: Tash Walker
An Aunt Nell Production
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
What a dominatrix taught me about universal basic income
This is an audio version of an essay from the Free Sex Substack - subscribe now to receive my writing into your inbox, and to support my work.
Would you join me in a thought experiment? We all have basic needs, such as food and shelter. And most of us have to cover these ourselves. Even though governments promise to provide our basic needs, people are starving and sleeping rough. We fudge through life trying to make sure we have somewhere nice to rest, and that we can go to bed on a full stomach. I’m thinking through the different freedoms that we each have due to the meeting of our basic needs. If I didn’t pay rent, would I have free sex?
Hosted, produced and edited by Adam Zmith
Music: Translife by Othon
Artwork: photo of Borneo mealworm by @DamasterCarabus / design by Adam Zmith and Rebecka Öberg
Executive Producer: Tash Walker
An Aunt Nell Production
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
What if we didn’t need to work to earn money?
My guest in this episode is Eva Oh, a dominatrix who wants everyone to have their basic needs financially covered. This was such a philosophical conversation, and I loved it! Eva argues that we can build a world of free sex if we adopt a universal basic income — people would have more time to investigate their own sexuality, instead of having to work so hard just to cover their basic needs. She shared stories from her own life, including how her own fearlessness has helped her to grow a hugely successful career as a dominatrix.
We don’t talk enough about how money (or lack of) holds us back from the sex that we want, so I’m grateful to Eva for bringing this issue onto the podcast. It sounds like a heavy topic, but in Eva’s hands it’s also fun and mind-expanding. Let me know what you think!
A transcript of this episode is available on freesex.substack.com.
Hosted, produced and edited by Adam Zmith
Music: Translife by Othon
Artwork: photo of Borneo mealworm by @DamasterCarabus / design by Adam Zmith and Rebecka Öberg
Executive Producer: Tash Walker
An Aunt Nell Production
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
How can we flip the script on what sex and relationships can be?
My guest in this episode is Silva Neves, who is a psychosexual and relationships psychotherapist. Silva sees all sorts of clients with different challenges to do with sex and relationships, so he’s a fascinating person to talk to about free sex. His big idea is that we need to know ourselves without the influences of society.
That’s a hard task, of course! But Silva broke it down for me. We talked about the power of films and stories, the question of what’s ‘natural’ when it comes to sex and relationships, and even how to resist answering the question ‘So when are you going to get married?’
A transcript of this episode is available on freesex.substack.com.
Hosted, produced and edited by Adam Zmith
Music: Translife by Othon
Artwork: photo of Borneo mealworm by @DamasterCarabus / design by Adam Zmith and Rebecka Öberg
Executive Producer: Tash Walker
An Aunt Nell Production
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Should we change our sexuality labels?
My guest in this episode is Richard Sprott, a psychologist and sexuality researcher. Richard’s been exploring human sexuality for 20 years but says he’s still “at the beginning” of understanding it. His principle, developing, idea is about ‘kink identity’—which could help us to get to a world of free sex.
The idea is that our kink identities can be just as significant as our sexual orientations. In fact, for some people, much more so. Richard and his colleagues have used their findings from lots of studies to propose that we can place our sexualities into different themes of kink experience, namely sex, power, headspace and community. It’s a super interesting framing that could change how we view each other, sexually.
A transcript of this episode is available on freesex.substack.com.
Hosted, produced and edited by Adam Zmith
Music: Translife by Othon
Artwork: photo of Borneo mealworm by @DamasterCarabus / design by Adam Zmith and Rebecka Öberg
Executive Producer: Tash Walker
An Aunt Nell Production
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Do we all share a communal sexual energy that’s just waiting to be activated?
My guest in this episode is Kalah Hill, and she thinks the answer is definitely yes! Kalah works with individuals and groups of people to help them to discover and channel their sexual energies. She’s all about rooting our sexual pleasures in our bodies, our spirits, our ecosystems and our histories. So she was a fascinating guest for Free Sex.
We talked about how Kalah creates play parties, the history of ‘eros’ from the Ancient Greeks, the science of music and frequencies, and sex education. It was such a deep and interesting conversation, and I’d love to know what you think about Kalah’s ideas and practices. Let me know!
A transcript of this episode is available on freesex.substack.com.
Hosted, produced and edited by Adam Zmith
Music: Translife by Othon
Artwork: photo of Borneo mealworm by @DamasterCarabus / design by Adam Zmith and Rebecka Öberg
Executive Producer: Tash Walker
An Aunt Nell Production
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
How can we create non-judgemental sex clubs and dancefloors?
My guest in this episode is Diana Isi, who is part of the underground queer scene in London. As a DJ, Diana helps to create precious spaces where people come together to feel good, feel sexy, to dance, to commune, to kiss and maybe more. Diana’s vision for free sex is spaces like this, which operate without judgement or labels or categories.
She told me about her own experiences on the gay male scene and how they led her into the queer underground, her process for creating music that makes people want to fuck (or snog at least!), and about the politics of creating non-judgemental club nights. It was a deep and heartfelt conversation about something that’s essential for us both, and I’m grateful to Diana for joining me in that.
A transcript of this episode is available on freesex.substack.com.
Hosted, produced and edited by Adam Zmith
Music: Translife by Othon
Artwork: photo of Borneo mealworm by @DamasterCarabus / design by Adam Zmith and Rebecka Öberg
Executive Producer: Tash Walker
An Aunt Nell Production
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
What if... we could suck toes without shame?
In this episode, my producer Tash turns the mic on ME to ask me about my foot kink. I’ve just published a new book called Solemates: A History of Our Fetish for Feet, so Tash has a million questions for me about how it can help us to get to a world where we can suck toes without stressing out about it.
Tash and I discuss shame, freedom, what is actually ‘sex’, and the double standard of what ‘sex’ means. I tell Tash about my own journey as a foot fetishist, and what it’s been like to talk and write so openly about this. It was weird to have the mic turned on me, but also a lot of fun.
You can Solemates from the usual places and direct from the publisher here.
A transcript of this episode is available on freesex.substack.com.
Hosted, produced and edited by Adam Zmith
Music: Translife by Othon
Artwork: photo of Borneo mealworm by @DamasterCarabus / design by Adam Zmith and Rebecka Öberg
Executive Producer: Tash Walker
An Aunt Nell Production
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
