We are back baby! Come meet our newest show host, Jailynn Smiley, and hear about our plans for gearing episodes back up.

Shawn, Lori, and Ryan discuss the four tenets of healthy relationships; building on the work of Jude Cassidy around Attachment. This is the fifth of a five-part series that will discuss the four tenets including the ability to give care, the ability to receive care, the ability to be autonomous/interdependent (as opposed to dependent), and the ability to negotiate your wants and needs. This episode focuses on the importance of negotiating your wants and needs in the context of healthy relationships.

Shawn, Lori, and Ryan discuss the four tenets of healthy relationships; building on the work of Jude Cassidy around Attachment. This is the fourth of a five-part series that will discuss the four tenets including the ability to give care, the ability to receive care, the ability to be autonomous/interdependent (as opposed to dependent), and the ability to negotiate your wants and needs. This episode focuses on the importance of autonomous/interdependence in the context of healthy relationships.

Shawn, Lori, and Ryan welcome Lauren Hudgeons to the show. She is a foster and adoptive parent as well as an attorney. Lauren works with kids in the state’s conservatorship. She will be answering various questions that many foster parents have.

Shawn, Lori, and Ryan discuss four tenets of healthy relationships building on the work of Jude Cassidy around Attachment. This is the third of a five-part series that will discuss the four tenets including the ability to give care, the ability to receive care, the ability to be autonomous/interdependent (as opposed to dependent), and the ability to negotiate your wants and needs. This episode focuses on receiving care in the context of healthy relationships.

Shawn, Lori, and Ryan discuss four tenets of healthy relationships building on the work of Jude Cassidy around Attachment. This is the second of a five-part series that will discuss the four tenets including the ability to give care, the ability to receive care, the ability to be autonomous/interdependent (as opposed to dependent), and the ability to negotiate your wants and needs. This episode focuses on giving care in the context of healthy relationships.

Shawn, Lori, and Ryan discuss four tenets of healthy relationships building on the work of Jude Cassidy around Attachment. This is the first of a five-part series that will discuss the four tenets including the ability to give care, the ability to receive care, the ability to be autonomous/interdependent (as opposed to dependent), and the ability to negotiate your wants and needs.

Shawn, Lori, and Ryan discuss tips for parenting success during the transition from summer routine to the school year. Parents have a major role to play to help their school-going children to manage the transition back to school.

In part 5 (the final part) of our Summer Book Discussion; Ryan, Shawn, and Lori discuss the strategies in Chapter 6 including: "Increase the Family Fun Factor" and "Connect Through Conflict".

In part 4 of our Summer Book Discussion; Ryan, Shawn, and Lori discuss the strategies in Chapter 5 including: "Let the Clouds of Emotion Roll", "SIFT", and "Exercise Mindsight".

In part 3 of our Summer Book Discussion; Ryan, Shawn, and Lori discuss the strategies in Chapter 4 including: "Use the Remote of the Mind" and "Remember to Remember".

In this episode, we continue with chapter 3 and we talk about the concept of the upstairs-downstairs brain.

Shawn, Ryan, and Lori discuss the introduction, chapter 1 and chapter 2 of The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson.

A well-managed transition can make or break your day.  It can be the difference maker, for the difference maker (a.k.a. YOU).  Whether you are preparing for a macro-level transition like school year to summer break, graduation to life after school, or something as world-changing as becoming a foster or adoptive parent . . . the ability to recognize, anticipate, plan for and then roll with the actual experience of transition is essential for you and your family's well being. In this episode Ryan, Lori, and Shawn pick up where they left off with part 1 "Summer is Coming, Managing Transitions".  You don't have to skip over there now.  It is perfectly fine to listen to these out of order.  But we do encourage you to make time for both. We are excited to announce that our next several show discussions after this one will be a study of the 12 strategies presented by Daniel Siegel and Tina Bryson in their book, The Whole-Brain Child.  We encourage every parent to own this book and incorporate these strategies into your own parenting toolbox.  If you don't already own a copy, we encourage you to use the link below to make the purchase from Amazon.  Amazon will give us a percentage of the purchase which will go to help support our show. We encourage you to read along with us over the course of the summer.  We will tackle the introduction, chapter 1 and chapter 2 in our next episode.  If you are part of a small group or supportive community, you might even consider taking the summer to process these strategies together, using our discussions as a sort of study guide or conversation starter. Here is the link:  https://amzn.to/2W9Vxka  Also, we have started a Facebook Group for listeners of the show to connect with one another and engage with our hosts.  You can join the group here:  https://www.facebook.com/groups/fosterfamilymatters/ This will be a great place to engage in our discussions and we would love to hear your ideas and suggestions for upcoming episodes and topics.

Summer is Coming.  One of the best methods parents can use for improving their own experiences is to plan ahead and help their children manage transitions.  As the school year comes to end, opportunities to manage transitions abound.

We decided to publish this bonus episode because we believe in mothers.  We know that mothering can be thankless.  But this Mother’s Day we say thank you.  Thank you for choosing to be a mother.  You are loved and we are right here walking alongside you.

Parenting is a challenge and we choose to parent not because it is easy, but because it is hard.

We were made for relationship. We were meant to live in relationship with other people. Nothing lives in isolation. At some point, you are going to need help. If you don’t have people around you who are equipped to help and love you, you are going to have a crisis. You need people who are willing to help you when you are on the wrong path. As individuals, we all need other people who we are “doing life” with and families need other families they are “doing life” with as well. Parents sometimes start by looking to family members or close friends for support when struggling as a parent and for many, this turns out to be a good choice. For others, family and friends may shy away during times of crisis which leaves a sense of isolation, desperation or shame. It is not uncommon for your existing relationships (family and friends) to decry your plans to care for other people’s children. It is a natural defense mechanism. It can be their way of protecting themselves or you from the hurt or risk of hurt that Fear plants in their hearts. Foster parents consistently report confusion or dismay when they approach the support systems they used before becoming foster parents to seek parenting advice and end up being told to “just give them back” or “that kid needs a good spanking”. While the advice givers are often well-intentioned and are genuinely concerned for the foster parent’s wellbeing, they lack understanding. These encounters can have a piling-on effect and unintentionally worsen the experience. Many parents (foster and others) have found that the remedy is to purposefully and proactively inform or build and nurture their support network into a community of like-minded souls. Ryan tells a story from his and his wife’s personal experience. He and his wife were once part of a group of friends that they had grown to love. After deciding to foster and adopt children from foster care, they discovered that while they had changed the group had not and it was no longer a supportive environment for their needs. So, they built a new group. A group of like-minded folks who they could support and who in-turn could support them. We all bear the responsibility to educate those in our circles. It may very well be that you have no need to abandon ship and leave your current relationships. But it is almost certain that whether you choose to stay in your current community or seek a new one, you will have to play a part in bringing them up to speed. CK Family Services requires our foster parents to obtain and read several books including, “The Whole-Brain Child”, by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson) and “The Connected Child: Bring hope and healing to your adoptive family”, by Karyn B. Purvis, David R. Cross, and Wendy Lyons Sunshine. Many parents find that providing these books to their parents, friends, siblings, and others can help to make them more informed and effective as support. The other side of the support network and community coin is the need to pour into others in a supportive way. Being part of a community is a two-way street. Exchange numbers frequently, make calls when needed, and answer calls every opportunity that you get. That is how a community is built. Ask other families to take trips and outings with your family. Ask other families over for dinner or game night. Take all the kids to the park and spend adult time while the children play. Purposefully and intentionally build your community. It is not all about "take". You must be excited about giving. We all have a story (or more) to tell and while we frequently down-play the significance of our own experiences; time and again our experience has been that the simplest of thoughts, words or stories turn out to be the difference maker in the life of someone else. Once you build your community. Share into it. Every human that has ever taken a breath has experienced the need to sit in a safe place and receive support. If that is where you are today, receive all of th

Progression through the stages of regulation to self-regulation is the evidence that “it” is working.

In this episode Ryan, Lori and Shawn attempt to set a common foundation for what we mean when we talk about trauma.