We have all heard of "conscious uncoupling," a term popularized by Gwyneth Paltrow and her therapist, which emphasizes a mindful and respectful approach to separation. While being conscious when ending a relationship is both helpful and important, what about the other side of the equation? What about unconscious coupling—when people enter into relationships without clear intention or self-awareness, only to later realize they are not truly compatible with their partner?
I met my husband when I was in my early thirties feeling a clear pressure to marry and settle down. I called my father after our first date and said, “I met my husband,” which demonstrates my own impulsivity, but also my deeper desire to enter into partnership. We hurried the relationship, the engagement and the wedding. Our daugter was born within 3 years. Looking back, I can say honestly that “unconscious coupling” played a strong role in the demise of my marriage.
Unconscious coupling occurs when individuals drift into relationships without deeply considering their values, needs, or long-term compatibility.
This often happens due to:
Societal and family pressures: Feeling like it’s time to be in a relationship or get married without actually evaluating if the partnership is right.
Fear of being alone: Entering relationships out of loneliness rather than genuine connection.
Infatuation and emotional highs: Mistaking initial chemistry for long-term compatibility.
Lack of self-awareness: Not fully understanding personal desires, boundaries, or dealbreakers.
Comfort and convenience: Staying in a relationship because it feels familiar, even when it's not fulfilling.
Addictions including sex, love drugs, or alcohol: Addictions come in many forms and many can lead us to making unintentional coupling decisions. Sometimes a person helps serve our addiction rather than our emotional needs.
The danger of unconscious coupling is that individuals may find themselves years into a relationship, feeling disconnected, unhappy, or even trapped, simply because they never took the time to assess whether they were truly compatible in the first place. In more severe cases, you unconscious coupling leads to partnering with a narcissist, abuser, or addict.
Not every unconscious coupling leads to distress. You may grow into love over time, or perhaps you both change together. However, certain patterns can indicate that a relationship may not have been built on a solid foundation.
Consider the following signs that you may have hurried a relationship:
You struggle to communicate effectively and frequently misunderstand each other.
Your core values and long-term goals are misaligned.
You feel like you're playing a role rather than being your authentic self.
Conflict feels repetitive and unresolved.
You are staying together out of obligation rather than genuine desire.
You don’t feel emotionally fulfilled, even if everything appears fine on the surface.
You have evolved and your partner has not
To learn more about my work as a narrative therapist, couples therapist, and post-divorce mediator—or to book a consultation—visit katemarlenelove.com or reach out via Instagram DM.
You’ll learn:
The difference between conscious and unconscious coupling
How societal pressure, infatuation, addiction, and fear of being alone play a role
Signs you may have entered a relationship unconsciously
How to shift toward conscious, secure, and self-aware connection
Why intentionality is the foundation of lasting lo
This episode is for anyone navigating dating, questioning a current relationship, or simply wanting to relate more consciously and compassionately in love.
Website: katemarlenelove.com
Instagram: @katemarlenelove
Podcast on Apple: Listen on Apple Podcasts
Podcast on Spotify: Listen on Spotify
🎵 Music: "asleep next to you" by SSS on her album Open Cycle
Sarah Schneider is an electronic musician and multidisciplinary artist based in Berlin.
Find her music on Bandcamp: sssssss.bandcamp.com
Do you always feel like you are solving the problems in your relationship? Not feeling heard or like your partner isn't carrying their emotional weight? Your partner takes up a lot of emotional space but isn't available for your needs? You are doing the majority of emotional caretaking for your partner and family?
In this episode, we're getting real about emotional labor in relationships—what it is, how it shows up, and why it so often goes unnoticed. If you’ve ever felt like the one doing all the work to maintain emotional connection, this conversation is for you. We discuss how to recognize early signs that someone may not be capable of real emotional reciprocity, and what it means to stop doing it all yourself. From burnout and resentment to building more equal partnerships, this episode is about shifting the dynamic—for good.
🧠 Topics Covered:
What emotional labor looks like in romantic relationships
The invisible toll it takes—fatigue, resentment, disconnection
Why we often ignore early signs that someone can’t (or won’t) hold emotional space
How to stop overfunctioning and start asking for reciprocity
What a more balanced emotional exchange looks like
Tools for setting boundaries and communicating your needs
When emotional labor becomes a form of people-pleasing or self-abandonment
How to tell if it’s time to step back and take care of your own nervous system
🎵 Music: "asleep next to you" by SSS from the album Open Cycle.
Find her music on Bandcamp: https://sssssss.bandcamp.com
🌐 Connect with Kate:
Website: katemarlenelove.comEmail: hello@katemarlenelove.com
Instagram: @katemarlenelove
TikTok: @katemarlene
Relationships have the power to heal us — and to hurt us. In this honest episode, Kate Marlene shares why our romantic connections impact mental health so deeply, how our brain and nervous system are wired for love and safety, and what happens when connection turns into conflict, loss, or chaos.
Drawing from her own life — including stories of navigating anxiety, depression, recovery, and healing after narcissistic abuse and divorce — Kate explains why breakups feel like withdrawal, what’s normal to feel, what’s not, and how to protect your mental health before, during, and after love.
Why healthy love regulates the brain and body
How conflict and breakups affect mental health
Signs your mental health may be suffering because of a relationship
How to care for your nervous system while dating, in love, or healing from loss
Kate’s own experience rebuilding after toxic love and divorce
A listener question: “Why am I still grieving my breakup 8 months later?”
✅ We are biologically wired for connection — secure love lowers stress, supports resilience, and builds a sense of safety.
✅ Unstable or toxic love does the opposite — leading to burnout, anxiety, low self-worth, and trauma responses.
✅ Breakups trigger real brain withdrawal, so grief takes time — there is no deadline.
✅ Healthy love is rooted in inner safety: emotional regulation, clear boundaries, and honest conflict resolution.
✅ Protect your mental health by staying connected to yourself beyond the relationship.
Your mental health matters more than any relationship. Whether you’re falling in love, struggling in conflict, or healing from heartbreak — you deserve connection that supports your well-being, not drains it. This episode will help you better understand the relationship between mental health and romantic love, understand how toxic dynamics affect brain chemistry, and protect your own wellness at every stage of a relationship.
💌 Send your questions for future episodes: hello@katemarlenelove.com
🌐 Learn more or book a session: katemarlenelove.com
📲 Follow @katemarlene on TikTok
Slide into my IG DMs at @katemarlenelove
🎵 Music: "asleep next to you" by SSS — Bandcamp
In this episode, I’m joined by breakup and dating coach Janice Formichella—host of Sex and the Solo Girl and Breakups, Broken Hearts, and Moving On. We talk about what really happens to your mind and body after a breakup, how to create psychological safety in your life whether you're partnered or solo, and why grief and confusion are normal—even scientific—reactions to heartbreak.
Psychological and physiological responses to breakups (racing thoughts, memory loss, IQ drops, fatigue)
Why we avoid breakups (even toxic ones)
The myth of closure and giving it to yourself
Stages of grief and navigating post-breakup withdrawal
Obsessive thinking and attachment theory
Creating safety within yourself before seeking it from others
One powerful question to ask yourself when deciding whether to stay
Guest Info:
Website: janiceformichella.com
Podcasts: Sex and the Solo Girl, Breakups, Broken Hearts, and Moving On
Resources or Links Mentioned:
Learn more about Janice and her work at janiceformichella.com
Contact & Info:
Website: www.katemarlenelove.com
Email: hello@katemarlenelove.com
IG: @katemarlenelove
TikTok: @katemarlene
Music: "asleep next to you" by SSS from the album Open Cycle. Find it on Bandcamp: https://sssssss.bandcamp.com/
Carousel topics (e.g. "Why conflict is a good sign")
Promotional Content (Social Media)
In this powerful episode, host Kate Marlene explores how parenthood can reshape, strain, or even unravel the foundation of a romantic relationship. Drawing from her own experience of getting sober shortly after her daughter’s birth, Kate shares how the personal transformation that comes with parenting often alters both partners in ways that aren't easy to anticipate or navigate.
While many couples grow together through the parenting journey, others quietly drift apart. This episode offers insight, compassion, and tools for those feeling the tension between who they were before kids and who they’ve become since.
Covered in this episode:
How parenting changes identity, intimacy, and partnership dynamics
The emotional and lifestyle shifts that occur after having children
What to do when personal growth no longer aligns with your relationship
Understanding that growing apart doesn’t mean failure
Communication strategies for couples navigating post-baby disconnection
Signs it may be time to seek support or to consciously separate
How separation can lead to healing, clarity, and personal transformation
Key Takeaways:
Parenting doesn’t just change your schedule—it changes you
Disconnection after kids is common, but not unsolvable
Open communication is essential when the emotional bond feels strained
Conflict doesn’t have to mean chaos—it can lead to clarity
Sometimes growth means letting go, and that can be a healthy path forward
About the Host:
Kate Marlene is a therapist, certified mediator, and relationship coach who works with individuals and couples navigating the complexities of love, conflict, and personal growth. She specializes in helping clients find clarity—whether working to reconnect or choosing a conscious, compassionate ending.
📩 To inquire about couples work, therapy, or mediation: hello@katemarlenelove.com
🌐 Learn more at: www.katemarlenelove.com
🎵 Music Credit:
"asleep next to you" by SSS from the album Open Cycle
Sarah Schneider is an electronic musician and multidisciplinary artist based in Berlin.
Listen on Bandcamp: sssssss.bandcamp.com
What do you do when you’re ready to grow—but your partner refuses to go to therapy?
What if you're feeling alone in wanting to fix things or it feels your partner isn't taking the problems of your relationship seriously.
In this episode of Falling in Love is Easy, Kate answers a listener’s heartfelt question about being in a long-term relationship where emotional disconnection, repeated arguments, and personal growth are met with resistance. We explore what it means to work on your relationship without your partner’s participation in therapy and why their avoidance doesn’t always mean they don’t care.
Whether you're trying to heal ongoing relationship conflict, feel like you're doing all the emotional labor, or are just starting to wake up to your own needs, this episode will help you find clarity, confidence, and a way forward.
In This Episode, You'll Learn:
Why some people avoid therapy or resist emotional vulnerability
How to begin healing your relationship by working on yourself first
The difference between a partner who won’t go to therapy and a partner who won’t grow
Signs your partner might still be willing to work on the relationship, even if they avoid therapy
How to set boundaries, speak your truth, and stop walking on eggshells
When to consider individual therapy or coaching (even without your partner)
If you're feeling alone in your relationship, this episode is for you.
💌 Have a listener question? Email me at:
📬 hello@katemarlenelove.com
Let’s Stay Connected:
🌍 Website: www.katemarlenelove.com
🎵 Music Credit: "asleep next to you" by SSS from the album Open Cycle
→ Listen on Bandcamp: https://sssssss.bandcamp.com/
📱 TikTok: @katemarlene
🎙 Instagram: @katemarlenelove
We’ve all heard that relationships take work, but what does that really mean when things get tense, emotions run high, and we find ourselves in yet another fight?
In this episode of Falling in Love is Easy, we explore the transformative power of conflict and how learning to fight well can actually bring us closer. Because not all conflict is bad, in fact, the way we handle it can make or break trust, safety, and long-term connection.
You’ll learn:
The difference between healthy and unhealthy conflict
Why fighting isn’t a failure — it’s a doorway to growth
How conflict can actually build trust and intimacy
What’s really at stake when we’re arguing (it’s usually not about the dishes)
Why meeting your own emotional needs first might be the key to showing up with compassion
We also talk about how to recognize when conflict is productive… and when it’s become a pattern that’s driving you apart.
Whether you’re in a relationship, healing from one, or learning how to navigate love more consciously — this episode is for you.
Learn more or book a session: www.katemarlenelove.com
Follow me on Instagram: @katemarlenelove
On TikTok: @katemarlene
Subscribe for more episodes on love, conflict, and clarity
"Conflict isn’t the problem. The repair is where the real intimacy begins."
Email questions for the show hello@katemarlene.com
Music: "asleep next to you" by SSS on her album Open Cycle. Sarah Schneider is an electronic musician and multidisciplinary artist based in Berlin. You can find her music on Bandcamp
https://sssssss.bandcamp.com/
Welcome to the very first episode of Falling in Love Is Easy - a podcast about everything that happens after the honeymoon phase.
In this episode, I introduce the heart behind the show: why I created it, what I’ve learned through my own relationships, and the work I do supporting people navigating love, conflict, separation, and personal growth.
If you've ever wondered why love feels hard after the falling part, or whether your relationship is worth fighting for—or finally letting go of—this podcast is for you.
Let's talk about the title, Falling in Love Is Easy. But is it?
My journey through marriage, divorce, and emotional recovery
Attachment theory, chemical attraction, love and sex addiction
The work of love, commitment, and personal growth
What I've learned as a lawyer, mediator, and couples therapist
Why I believe conflict can be a catalyst for intimacy
My mission to help people get unstuck in love—together or apart
Navigating the tension between staying and leaving
Recovering from heartbreak or repetitive relationship patterns
Couples seeking tools to reconnect or separate with compassion
Kate Marlene is a relationship therapist, certified mediator, and couple's therapist who helps individuals and couples navigate love, conflict, and clarity. She brings humor, honesty, and real-life wisdom to the often messy—but meaningful—work of love.
Contact for a free discovery call:
Linktree: https://linktr.ee/katemarlenelove
🌐 Website: www.katemarlenelove.com
📧 Email: katemarlenelove@gmail.com
📸 Instagram: @katemarlenelove
🎵 TikTok: @katemarlene
Music: "asleep next to you" by SSS on her album Open Cycle. Sarah Schneider is an electronic musician and multidisciplinary artist based in Berlin. You can find her music on Bandcamp
https://sssssss.bandcamp.com/
This is Falling in Love is Easy—a podcast about what happens when love doesn’t go as planned—which is most of the time. We’re talking about everythingafter the honeymoon phase-- relationship conflict, attachment issues, family wounding, breakups, divorce… and really the hardest question of all: "Should we fight for this love, or is it time to let go?"
I’m Kate Marlene, a couples' therapist, and mediator focused on helping individuals and couples sort through the grey areas of love, uncover their truth, and heal together or on a separate path.
I’ll be talking to experts, diving into real relationships, break up stories, and exploring some ways tohelp resolve conflict or move through the pain of ending a relationship.
Kate Marlene
Email: katemarlenelove@gmail.com
TikTok: @katemarlene
Insta: @katemarlenelove
Music: "asleep next to you" by SSS on her album Open Cycle. Sarah Schneider is an electronic musician and multidisciplinary artist based in Berlin. You can find her music on Bandcamp
https://sssssss.bandcamp.com/
