In the 1980s every "B" movie was post-apocalyptic, took place at a mall, featured horny teens, or had zombies. Some of those pictures had all of the above!
A tale of the love of a gerontologist for a marine biologist in a time of global warming which is acidifying the oceans and giving cancer to marine mammals...such as seals.
We conclude March-O-Gortner with Burt I. Gordon's second adaptation of H.G. Welles' Food Of The Gods. Hope you like ferry trips and giant rats!
Tom Selleck is a future cop with acrophobia who gets drawn into a cyber-mystery in this sci-fi, action film from the '80s. Written and directed by Michael Chriton and featuring Gene Simmons from Kiss as the bad guy.
A movie about a film about a TV show about a zombie attack about covers it.
Tobe Hooper, Patrick Stewart, Steve Railsback, Henry Mancini, and an extremely nude Mathilda May can't save this turgid epic story of space vampires.
Tori Spelling falls for a serial killer college student in this TV movie.
TW: Tori Spelling, action mom, MURDER, gratuitous college establishing shots, gratuitous cooking scenes, gratuitous Friday The 13th references, gratuitous Psycho references, cabins, hatchets, dudebros in shower, love bombing, gaslighting, emotional manipulation, lizard tongue.
What can you say when a made-for-Netflix Christmas rom com about a sexy snowman turns out to be pretty OK?
Lacey Chabert stars in this silly picture based on the saga of Frosty the Snowman. Well, he comes to life one day, and he's HOT?! Hot body that is. Holiday shenanigans ensue Frosty melts but comes back again, and goes to Hawai'i.
Better than it needs to be, and we end up both recommending this movie in spite of our expectations of schlock. It's a Christmas miracle!
Soldiers vs. werewolves in the Scottish Highlands. Director Neil Marshall would go on from this picture to direct The Descent (2005).
From the fertile imagination of John Migliore (a.k.a. Johnny Ghoulash) comes the saga of a supernatural battle between a demon shark spirit, a suburban dad, and a tarot alligator (4 of swords). Who will live? Who will die? Will there be any more sequels?
In this classic episode, we delve once more into the Bag of Destiny and take a look at the 2008 football comedy, Leatherheads! It's a heartwarming tale of how old timey football became a big thing and where everyone talks like they're 1920s radio announcers.
A classic "video nasty" from the "80s about a psycho serial killer on a college campus. The movie wants so hard to be a "giallo," but never achieves the level of Argento or Bava. The stars of the notorious Pod People a.k.a. The Extraterrestrial Visitors (1983) show up here and clown around for about 90 minutes, making no sense until Cousin Larry/Kirk Cameron gets his penis (which makes a guest appearance earlier in the picture) grabbed by a corpse. Fun for the whole family.
In this classic episode, we take a look at the 2009 horror movie, Jennifer's Body! It's a good movie that suffered from bad marketing and poor pre-release expectations, but definitely worth a watch.
In this classic episode, we take a look at the 1984 sci/comedy Ice Pirates, starring Robert Urich! It's like Star Wars, but with more scoundrels and space pirates and waaaaaay waaaaaay less money.
Despite being on many lists of worst all-time movies, Bratz (2007) is just a pedestrian tween girl movie inspired by a fashion doll popular at the time. We thought it was fun enough, but it was laser-focused on the target audience. Where Mean Girls (2004), Spice World (1998) had at least some intent to please a wider audience, this picture was made almost exclusively for the Nickelodeon girls demo. In other words, this movie wasn't BAD, it's just that nobody really liked it.
Well there's no way up
Lord, I just can't get out that plane,
There's no way up, baby
Lord I just can't get out that plane,
'Cuz there's a shark down there
He might bite you and that's a shame.
Suburban sasquatch
He's after youuuuu,
Suburban sasquatch,
He's coming through,
Suburban sasquatch,
Suburban sasquatch,
He'll
Eat
YOU!
SASQUATCH!
The film that answers the question: "What do you get when you mix The Breakfast Club, Red Dawn, and Chuck Connors, shake them briskly over ice, and strain into a car chase?" The only problem is, nobody ever asked that question.
In this classic episode, we take a look at the 1959 William Castle horror flick, House on Haunted Hill, starring Vincent Price! Five people are tasked with staying in a spooky house in order to earn $10k. Is it actually haunted or is it all just people taking too many "scotch ands" and "siditives"? (also, Megan is dumb and doesn't credit William Castle as the director. We listen and we judge.)
In this classic episode, we take a look at the 2010 Adam Sandler comedy, Grown Ups! It's a beautiful story of friendship between some guys that used to play basketball as kids, but also maybe just an excuse for Adam Sandler and his comedian friends to have a vacation and fart around by a lake? You make the call.
