** #128 Alma 11: Deconversion Brainworm ** :: I'll see your SHUM and raise you an ONTI :: Gigi and Patience read Alma 11 from The Book of Mormon. It was pretty fun. The whole chapter is just so stupid. Smitty invents nomenclature for values of gold and silver and it all means nothing because we don't know how much a "measure of grain" is. It seems the only reason for this weak attempt at world-building was to explain the value of "six onties of silver" in Verse 22. This is where Judge Zeezrom tries to bribe Amulek. Or is it a purity test? Who knows! Was Joseph oxygen deprived inside his devining hat? Patience promised an algerbraic equation of Smitty's currency values. But it turns out, it's simpler than that! Several units have identical values, and everything is relative to that nebulous GRAIN MEASURE which is the only unknown, and we'll call it "g". :: Unique Units: :: LEAH = g/8 SHIBLUM = g/4 SHIBLON = g/2 GOLD ANTION = 3g/2 :: Duplicate Units: :: SILVER SENUM = GOLD SENINE = g GOLD SEON = SILVER AMNOR = 2g GOLD SHUM = SILVER EZROM = 4g GOLD LIMNAH = SILVER ONTI = 7g There is also some pretty bold and stupid doctrinal and eschatalogical statements in this chapter. In verse 39 Amulek even equates God the Father with the Son of God! Clearly the modern Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints ignores this trinitarian doctrine from their own holy book. :: Other Discussions: :: Sister Gigi has been working with VC Defensa to help immigrants and their families impacted by the ICE crackdowns in California. Sister Patience blames socialism for being kicked out of her apartment for a year, and excessive immigration for why it's been so difficult getting a job. Ways of getting accurate news in a world of opinion shows and deep fakes. Sister Gigi doesn't understand why other people find Rachel Maddow so annoying. Sister Patience finds Rachel Maddow annoying, but struggles to explain why. Why do women send letters to dangerous men in jail AND fall in love with them? Is it the same mechanism that caused so many women to marry Joseph Smith? Could a cult be dismantled by separating the women from it? #Reasons to stay home this Sunday# - https://bookofboredom.com/reasons/ #Join the Blasphemy# - https://facebook.com/groups/BookOfBoredom #Patreon (Bonus Episodes)# - https://patreon.com/BookOfBoredom #Twitter# - https://twitter.com/BookOfBoredom #TikTok# - https://tiktok.com/@BookOfBoredomPodcast #Instagram# - https://instagram.com/BookOfBoredomPodcast #YouTube# - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCMjDavWoT73Cev3IAie_XBA #Website# - https://bookofboredom.com/ A nice review on any podcast platform will help frustrate the Heavenly Father's boring plans for your future.

** #127 Alma 10: Morgy ** :: You gotta have food at the Morgy :: Alma 10 prompts Gigi to ask AI what a Mormon orgy would look like. Benjamin confirms that you definitely need food at an orgy. And Patience has her mind blown when she learns that shredded carrot can be put in jello to make a salad. Smitty gives lawyers a hard time in this chapter, so we have 2 lawyers-in-recovery to serve it back to him! Sister Gigi felt prompted by the Spirit to write a poem after learning what a morgy might look like: :: Morgy :: | This now lives | in my mind rent free | thanks a lot | Chat GPT. | | Things I cannot | now unsee. | Thanks a lot | Chat GPT. Upon hearing the episode before it's official release, Brother Jones commented: "Ferrets, not weasels. Acid, not mushrooms." If anyone wants the full story, it was episode "#074 Melting Room, Angry Ferrets" where we read the only chapter of Omni. https://bookofboredom.com/episodes/2022-06-09/ Also, if anyone else is just like Sister Gigi and wants to know more about Brother Benjamin's life, go check out the podcast he does with his friend Lauren that we briefly referenced. It's called "The Examined Lives (ENM Vibes)" podcast. Mormonism comes up frequently during the first season of it. https://pod.link/1767688018 #Reasons to stay home this Sunday# - https://bookofboredom.com/reasons/ #Join the Blasphemy# - https://facebook.com/groups/BookOfBoredom #Patreon (Bonus Episodes)# - https://patreon.com/BookOfBoredom #Twitter# - https://twitter.com/BookOfBoredom #TikTok# - https://tiktok.com/@BookOfBoredomPodcast #Instagram# - https://instagram.com/BookOfBoredomPodcast #YouTube# - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCMjDavWoT73Cev3IAie_XBA #Website# - https://bookofboredom.com/ A nice review on any podcast platform will help frustrate the Heavenly Father's boring plans for your future.

** #126 Roasting Saints 26: Magic Finger ** :: History Obfuscating Verb :: Patience and Jones tear the "Saints" podcast a new one. Mouse adorably gatecrashes the conversation. Jones achieves peak rant. And everyone has a pretty good time! #Reasons to stay home this Sunday# - https://bookofboredom.com/reasons/ #Join the Blasphemy# - https://facebook.com/groups/BookOfBoredom #Patreon (Bonus Episodes)# - https://patreon.com/BookOfBoredom #Twitter# - https://twitter.com/BookOfBoredom #TikTok# - https://tiktok.com/@BookOfBoredomPodcast #Instagram# - https://instagram.com/BookOfBoredomPodcast #YouTube# - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCMjDavWoT73Cev3IAie_XBA #Website# - https://bookofboredom.com/ A nice review on any podcast platform will help frustrate the Heavenly Father's boring plans for your future.

** #125 Alma 9: Face Off! ** :: The boring BUDDY-COP sermon without the BUDDY :: In this episode, Gigi and Patience dive into Christmas propaganda, and the eternal struggle of being a Lamanite in a Nephite world (or vice-versa because in a refreshing twist, Alma doesn't seem to see much of a difference in this chapter). Patience gets a job, then is fired for calling out someone's religious hypocrisy. And Gigi, suggests a career change as an "AI wrangler", like the kind potentially employed (but probably not) on the Church's suspiciously perfect "Light the World" campaign. The same campaign website has a silly "Kindness Randomizer," tool to suggest useless things to do over Xmas (that only make sense if you transposed the 1950s into 2024). Stuff like, making art for your dad, or sending a kind text. Gigi suggests productive ideas like "take in homeless people", or "clean your damn room." Patience suggests dad probably just wants 5 minutes alone. The duo tackle Oakes' recent devotional speech where he addressed accusations that LDS parents in Utah are excluding non-LDS peers from socialising with their spawn. Gigi suggests it's probably less intentional, and more a result of always being at church activities. But the real star of the show is Alma 9, where Alma and his "toy boy" Amulek deliver a fiery sermon full of threats, repetition, and stiff-necked insults. Gigi and Patience dissect the chapter, and Alma's obsession with being "cut off from the face of the earth", and his twist in favor towards the Lamanites. Turns out, God likes them better than the Nephites in this town, who are apparently just too blessed to function. But ultimately God seems to hate everyone he has made. Why doesn't he blame himself? The episode wraps with a wild tangent about Joseph Smith's probable adoration of itinerant preachers at tent revivals, his aversion to hard work, and his genius for turning religion into a lucrative business. Gigi and Patience fantasize about starting their own church, the "Church of the Big Fuck You," where tithes are replaced with "fuck you money." #Reasons to stay home this Sunday# - https://bookofboredom.com/reasons/ #Join the Blasphemy# - https://facebook.com/groups/BookOfBoredom #Patreon (Bonus Episodes)# - https://patreon.com/BookOfBoredom #Twitter# - https://twitter.com/BookOfBoredom #TikTok# - https://tiktok.com/@BookOfBoredomPodcast #Instagram# - https://instagram.com/BookOfBoredomPodcast #YouTube# - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCMjDavWoT73Cev3IAie_XBA #Website# - https://bookofboredom.com/ A nice review on any podcast platform will help frustrate the Heavenly Father's boring plans for your future.

** #124 Alma 8: Amulek breaks Alma's fast (and his back) ** :: Y'all get sleeveless garments for Xmas! So sell your sleeved garments on Depop? :: People try to make maps of the stories from the Bible and the Book of Mormon. But there's a difference. Smitty doesn't use real place names. So don't bother trying to picture any of the travels in Alma 8. Even true believers draw half-hearted squiggles. :: Apart from Alma 8, we discuss: :: In the last LDS General Conference, "Temporary Commands" were introduced as a way to explain away inconsistencies in Mormon revelation. Sister Patience thinks that's a new way to make your head explode. The LDS Church is buying up truckloads of land in Australia. So much in fact it may trigger a law change on how much land can be purchased in one go by a foreign entity. Brother Jones and Sister Patience imagine what a Hypercolor Graphic Novel edition of the Book of Mormon might be like. Sister Patience discovers a 70 person town in the center of Australa comprised entirely of Mormons: Mulga Bore. The air in Salt Lake City sucks right now because of a high-pressure system trapping all the temple dust (among other pullutants). Mouse (the ironically named massive dog) still drags Brother Jones outside for a walk. #Reasons to stay home this Sunday# - https://bookofboredom.com/reasons/ #Join the Blasphemy# - https://facebook.com/groups/BookOfBoredom #Patreon (Bonus Episodes)# - https://patreon.com/BookOfBoredom #Twitter# - https://twitter.com/BookOfBoredom #TikTok# - https://tiktok.com/@BookOfBoredomPodcast #Instagram# - https://instagram.com/BookOfBoredomPodcast #YouTube# - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCMjDavWoT73Cev3IAie_XBA #Website# - https://bookofboredom.com/ A nice review on any podcast platform will help frustrate the Heavenly Father's boring plans for your future.

** #123 Roasting Saints 25: The One Shitey And Wrong ** :: It's not the size of the steeple that counts :: Brother Brandon is back to explain Church History, Property Lines, Dallin Oakes, Death Canes, Joseph's prophecy about "The One Mighty And Strong", and the new LDS "trans guidelines" and how they may affect Mormons. Sister Divchina tells how The Church is in the process of excommunicating Nemo the Mormon, although no one seems to know why they waited until now. Was the straw that broke Moroni's back to suggest it's not the size of the steeples that count, but the ordinances? Is Church President Rusty coming with a giant steeple, to upgrade all those temples that don't have them? Sister Gigi becomes a mechanic, refurs a giant polar bear plush toy, and tries to watch "The Secret Lives Of Mormon Wives". :: Commenting on the 25th episode of the LDS "Saints" podcast: :: Long before anyone wanted to "drain the swamp" in Washington DC, the Latter-day Saints wanted to drain the swamp in Nauvu. As usual, Joseph Smith's help was intangible. Although he did tirelously "encourage" the Saints to not die in the malaria bog. Poor Joseph, that must have been tough. The talking heads on the Saints Podcast seem to think people knew their Bible better in the 19th century than today. Sister Patience thinks that is complete horseshit. The amusing story of how Joseph asks the US president for some cash, and gets shot down! #Reasons to stay home this Sunday# - https://bookofboredom.com/reasons/ #Join the Blasphemy# - https://facebook.com/groups/BookOfBoredom #Patreon (Bonus Episodes)# - https://patreon.com/BookOfBoredom #Twitter# - https://twitter.com/BookOfBoredom #TikTok# - https://tiktok.com/@BookOfBoredomPodcast #Instagram# - https://instagram.com/BookOfBoredomPodcast #YouTube# - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCMjDavWoT73Cev3IAie_XBA #Website# - https://bookofboredom.com/ A nice review on any podcast platform will help frustrate the Heavenly Father's boring plans for your future.

** #122 Roasting Saints 24: Old Steve Harper Had A Farm ** :: Oh no no no no! :: Today Brother Jones and Sister Patience mock episode 24 of the LDS "Saints" podcast, where Ben and Sarah are joined by church bigwig Steve Harper. A man with a smoothly deep and condescending voice, that could so easily be smoothly deep and sexy if he wasn't a Mormon. Steve talks so confidently about things that don't make sense, and Ben and Sarah think it's fantastic. And in an alternate universe they probably would have blown him straight after the recording. :: Highlights: :: "Porn Shoulders" and their origin story. Brother Jones sings an improved version of the Christian Chorus classic: "Our God is an Awesome God". The daily allowance of the word "cunt" is exceeded. Joseph Smith makes a dis-track. BYU prepares to open a medical school, and the memes roll in. #Reasons to stay home this Sunday# - https://bookofboredom.com/reasons/ #Join the Blasphemy# - https://facebook.com/groups/BookOfBoredom #Patreon (Bonus Episodes)# - https://patreon.com/BookOfBoredom #Twitter# - https://twitter.com/BookOfBoredom #TikTok# - https://tiktok.com/@BookOfBoredomPodcast #Instagram# - https://instagram.com/BookOfBoredomPodcast #YouTube# - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCMjDavWoT73Cev3IAie_XBA #Website# - https://bookofboredom.com/ A nice review on any podcast platform will help frustrate the Heavenly Father's boring plans for your future.

** #121 Alma 7: Bowels of Mercy ** :: Shitteth down from Heaven :: Brother Benjamin and Sister Patience discuss the latest Mormon related news, and then read Alma 7 where Joseph unmercifully shits "bowels of mercy" over every reader. Here are some "highlights" from this terribly poor chapter of the Book of Mormon. The only changes to the quotes are ALL CAPS and new-lines for emphasis. :: Alma 7:7 - What are they beholding x 3? Why is "they" not "them"? :: For BEHOLD, I say unto you there be many things to come; and BEHOLD, there is one thing which is of more importance than THEY all - for BEHOLD, the time is not far distant that the Redeemer liveth and cometh among his people. :: Alma 7:12 - Joseph rambling so hard he repeats himself. :: ... that his bowels may be filled with mercy, ACCORDING TO THE FLESH, that he may know ACCORDING TO THE FLESH ... :: Alma 7:19-20 - I perceive a false prophet, besotted with wordy pompous prose, contradicting himself. :: For I perceive that ye are in the paths of righteousness; I perceive that ye are in the path which leads to the kingdom of God; yea, I perceive that ye are MAKING HIS PATHS STRAIGHT. I perceive that it has been made known unto you, by the testimony of his word, that HE CANNOT WALK IN CROOKED PATHS; neither doth he vary from that which he hath said; neither hath he a shadow of turning from the right to the left, or from that which is right to that which is wrong; therefore, HIS COURSE IS ONE ETERNAL ROUND. #Reasons to stay home this Sunday# - https://bookofboredom.com/reasons/ #Join the Blasphemy# - https://facebook.com/groups/BookOfBoredom #Patreon (Bonus Episodes)# - https://patreon.com/BookOfBoredom #Twitter# - https://twitter.com/BookOfBoredom #TikTok# - https://tiktok.com/@BookOfBoredomPodcast #Instagram# - https://instagram.com/BookOfBoredomPodcast #YouTube# - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCMjDavWoT73Cev3IAie_XBA #Website# - https://bookofboredom.com/ A nice review on any podcast platform will help frustrate the Heavenly Father's boring plans for your future.

** #120 Alma 6: Library Emergency ** :: Gideon Gideon Gideon :: Sister Gigi recounts a library emergency, and encourages Sister Patience to run for some kind of local office. They read Alma 6 and discuss recent Mormon related news. Verse 7 wins silliest verse from this chapter: " ... into the valley of Gideon, there having been a city built, which was called the city of Gideon, which was in the valley that was called Gideon ... ". Joseph Smith repeated the location of the city, all while sounding "King-Jamesy", because he was a regular human, and a conman, not inspired by an un-erring god. :: Church News Discussed: :: Growth in LDS membership is hot in Africa, but tepid in the United States. Someone commented on the Salt Lake Tribune article: "Church growth is mainly in uneducated third world countries? I guess the collective IQ of the church is in a death spiral." The church increases the "Young Single Adults" cut-off age to 35. Is that a fancy way of saying "we're running out of marriage material"? In Tonga, the church has a sit-down chat with the Prime Minister. Seems the church is lobbying to ensure they stay part of the education-to-job pipeline, because that's a membership pipeline too. In the MormonShrivel subreddit, some data was posted that charts the decline of members in the Bonneville Stake of Salt Lake City. It's interesting data, but since the church gerrymanders ward and stake boundaries so wildly that politicians are probably jealous, it's not hard proof of membership decline. Another Redditor had the subjective observation that only 30% of Mormons wore their garments during some recent July 4th celebrations. This seems like progress. It's too hot to wear that shit. God wouldn't want you to wear them either. It's anti-life during Summer to wear extra underwear with silly Masonic symbols on them. Keep it for winter where there is a fleeting chance it might be practical. #Reasons to stay home this Sunday# - https://bookofboredom.com/reasons/ #Join the Blasphemy# - https://facebook.com/groups/BookOfBoredom #Patreon (Bonus Episodes)# - https://patreon.com/BookOfBoredom #Twitter# - https://twitter.com/BookOfBoredom #TikTok# - https://tiktok.com/@BookOfBoredomPodcast #Instagram# - https://instagram.com/BookOfBoredomPodcast #YouTube# - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCMjDavWoT73Cev3IAie_XBA #Website# - https://bookofboredom.com/ A nice review on any podcast platform will help frustrate the Heavenly Father's boring plans for your future.

** #119 Roasting Saints 23: Fresh Outta Spoons ** :: Religious Freedom is not Heathen Subjugation :: Brother Jones and Sister Patience dissect episode 23 of the LDS "Saints" podcast. An episode packed with nonsensical "faith affirming stories", that when given a minimum of contemplation become "faith removing stories that have no place in a history book". :: Also Irreverantly Discussed... :: The first 2024 Biden vs Trump debate. Louisiana's new law to put the 10 Commandments in classrooms. Pride month activities. The "spoon analogy". #Reasons to stay home this Sunday# - https://bookofboredom.com/reasons/ #Join the Blasphemy# - https://facebook.com/groups/BookOfBoredom #Patreon (Bonus Episodes)# - https://patreon.com/BookOfBoredom #Twitter# - https://twitter.com/BookOfBoredom #TikTok# - https://tiktok.com/@BookOfBoredomPodcast #Instagram# - https://instagram.com/BookOfBoredomPodcast #YouTube# - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCMjDavWoT73Cev3IAie_XBA #Website# - https://bookofboredom.com/ A nice review on any podcast platform will help frustrate the Heavenly Father's boring plans for your future.

** #118 Alma 4-5:30 A dingo ate my Book of Mormon ** :: and shat it into the Waters of Mormon :: Brother Benjamin and Sister Patience read 1.5 chapters from Joseph's Smith's tome of dingo shit AKA the Book of Mormon. They had a good time with it. Sister Patience sets the record straight. A dingo really did eat an infant in 1980. Australia's shitty legal system bungled the evidence, accused the parents of killing their child, and sent them to prison. They have since been exhonerated. But the parents never totally lost the stigma of "baby killer", despite overwhelming evidence they were not at fault. Let's hope humanity learns how to do the law better. On a lighter note... Dingoes are adorably cute! They have big ears, look like dogs, but don't generally bark like domesticated dogs. Should they be called dogs? Maybe. Dingoes can interbreed with domesticated dogs. As usual we discuss recent Mormon happenings, like how Rusty needs his faithful followers to go merge church-and-state so he can have the tallest steeples around. Why does Jesus need a tall steeple? Matthew 27:51 indicates that God's prescence is not confined to a temple, because the temple veil was miraculously wrent when Jesus died. Jesus isn't even at the top of a Mormon temple steeple. It's the graven image of Moroni. I guess Mormons interpret the 3rd commandment (from the Ten Commandments), in their own unique way. Mormons would be more relatable, if they were more Christlike as indicated in this heavily paraphrased story Jesus told in Matthew 25:41-46 Then God said to those on his left, "GTFO, go live with Satan!" I was starving and thirsty, and you ignored me. I was a stranger and you didn't welcome me. My clothes were threadbare, and you did nothing. I was sick and in prison, and you didn't realise how lonely I was. Those on the left of God then replied, "Whoa, where did that come from?" So God explains, "You never showed any love for the other humans I put you on the planet with. Living with other humans is the ultimate test, and you failed! Your innaction of kindness was like an innaction of kindness to me." #Reasons to stay home this Sunday# - https://bookofboredom.com/reasons/ #Join the Blasphemy# - https://facebook.com/groups/BookOfBoredom #Patreon (Bonus Episodes)# - https://patreon.com/BookOfBoredom #Twitter# - https://twitter.com/BookOfBoredom #TikTok# - https://tiktok.com/@BookOfBoredomPodcast #Instagram# - https://instagram.com/BookOfBoredomPodcast #YouTube# - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCMjDavWoT73Cev3IAie_XBA #Website# - https://bookofboredom.com/ A nice review on any podcast platform will help frustrate the Heavenly Father's boring plans for your future.

** #117 Roasting Saints 22: Mormon War Never Changes ** :: A mob of their own :: This episode is about the 1838 nastiness called "the Mormon war". We pull apart what the Saints podcast says about it, and also add a few extra tid-bits. It wasn't the first scuffle, and it won't be the last, as we make our way through early Mormon history. In a 24 hour period Joseph Smith's attitude goes from "fight like angels", to pleading with George Hinkle to "beg like dogs for peace". Why do people call Joseph a prophet again? #Reasons to stay home this Sunday# - https://bookofboredom.com/reasons/ #Join the Blasphemy# - https://facebook.com/groups/BookOfBoredom #Patreon (Bonus Episodes)# - https://patreon.com/BookOfBoredom #Twitter# - https://twitter.com/BookOfBoredom #TikTok# - https://tiktok.com/@BookOfBoredomPodcast #Instagram# - https://instagram.com/BookOfBoredomPodcast #YouTube# - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCMjDavWoT73Cev3IAie_XBA #Website# - https://bookofboredom.com/ A nice review on any podcast platform will help frustrate the Heavenly Father's boring plans for your future.

** #116 Roasting Saints 21 and Alma 3 ** :: Waffle of Mormon :: As Joseph Smith loses his focus repeatedly in Alma 3, and the scribe rolls his eyes and continues to write - THINK CELESTIAL. When Joseph Smith introduces racist doctrine, and then incase anyone might explain it away continues to reiterate - THINK CELESTIAL. When Joseph Smith makes up a stupid new word like "Ishmaelitish", or goes infantile and literally calls people "good" or "bad" - THINK CELESTIAL. When false-prophet Rusty gets even rustier because all the speakers at General Conference keep sucking his metaphorical and unprophetic phallus - THINK CELESTIAL. When you thought you were finally out of that unhealthy Masonic underwear, and the heavies at General Conference tell you to put them back on, and to waste your time alive doing nothing in a temple - SAY "NO", AND THINK YOUR OWN THOUGHTS. When Joseph Smith tries to tell you that Communism is God's will, follow Oliver Cowdry's example and RESIGN FROM THE CHURCH. #Reasons to stay home this Sunday# - https://bookofboredom.com/reasons/ #Join the Blasphemy# - https://facebook.com/groups/BookOfBoredom #Patreon (Bonus Episodes)# - https://patreon.com/BookOfBoredom #Twitter# - https://twitter.com/BookOfBoredom #TikTok# - https://tiktok.com/@BookOfBoredomPodcast #Instagram# - https://instagram.com/BookOfBoredomPodcast #YouTube# - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCMjDavWoT73Cev3IAie_XBA #Website# - https://bookofboredom.com/ A nice review on any podcast platform will help frustrate the Heavenly Father's boring plans for your future.

** #115 Alma 2: Too Many Captains Spoil the Plane ** :: Happy MORMON Xmas on APRIL 6! :: This Chistmas episode, that includes our mockery of Alma chapter 2, was 3 months in the making. Sorry. But on the upside, it's just in time for a popular date in Mormonism for Christ's birth - April 6! We hear a wide variety of Christmas traditions, funny stories, and a few serious ones, based on the disparate cultural and religious backgrounds of the guest hosts. #Reasons to stay home this Sunday# - https://bookofboredom.com/reasons/ #Join the Blasphemy# - https://facebook.com/groups/BookOfBoredom #Patreon (Bonus Episodes)# - https://patreon.com/BookOfBoredom #Twitter# - https://twitter.com/BookOfBoredom #TikTok# - https://tiktok.com/@BookOfBoredomPodcast #Instagram# - https://instagram.com/BookOfBoredomPodcast #YouTube# - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCMjDavWoT73Cev3IAie_XBA #Website# - https://bookofboredom.com/ A nice review on any podcast platform will help frustrate the Heavenly Father's boring plans for your future.

** #114 Roasting Saints 20: Nibble Nobby's Nibley ** :: Before Smitty Nibbles Yours :: In episode 20 of the LDS Saints podcast, we are presented with the Kirtland Safety Society. A bank that Smitty false prophesied would become the biggest swinging dick around, and eat all competitor cocks (banks). Nothing went right with this venture, and many unfollowed him on X (formely known as Twitter). Yet, Smitty was so charismatic, he still managed to have his first extra-marital affair, that he justified with a secret marriage. Why secret? I guess God thought that was an excellent way to show his people the example they should follow. Hang-on, that doesn't make sense. Maybe it was just easier than divorcing his legal wife Emma? Or maybe this never happened? Or maybe the truth is in between? For a cult that prides itself on being the "Standard for Truth" (see the title for episode 1 of Saints), why is the truth so full of bullshit? If all that seems like a faith shattering downer for any God fearing Mormon (because it is), the hosts of Saints add a little saccharine in the form of all the "miracles" happening overseas. And by "miracles" they mean "converts to Mormonism". These aren't miracles, just bad ideas spreading. Like so much of human history. :: Mormon News Discussed: :: Apostle M. Russel Ballard died at age 95. And we were only just talking about him on the last episode! Rusty appointed a new apostle to take Ballard's place - Patrick Kearon. Poor fucker. That guy now has no agency in his life until he dies. :: Brother Jones teaches Sister Patience about: :: The fun times that can be had with initials and apostle names. The Fallout-style vault where the LDS church keeps all it's most precious records. It's at 6279 Little Cottonwood Canyon Rd. Unfortunately, there isn't a good Google street view of the facility because the road past the gate is private property. How early European converts were lied to and enticed to move to the US, to work for the cult in various ways, with little hope of upward mobility. #Reasons to stay home this Sunday# - https://bookofboredom.com/reasons/ #Join the Blasphemy# - https://facebook.com/groups/BookOfBoredom #Patreon (Bonus Episodes)# - https://patreon.com/BookOfBoredom #Twitter# - https://twitter.com/BookOfBoredom #TikTok# - https://tiktok.com/@BookOfBoredomPodcast #Instagram# - https://instagram.com/BookOfBoredomPodcast #YouTube# - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCMjDavWoT73Cev3IAie_XBA #Website# - https://bookofboredom.com/ A nice review on any podcast platform will help frustrate the Heavenly Father's boring plans for your future.

** #113 Alma One: Poke the Bear ** :: Neee-Hawww and Gideon have a preach battle :: Don't worry, Neee-Hawww AND Gideon die! :: Mormon related news discussed: :: Homelessness in Salt Lake City. How do you help people? Benjamin, Gigi and Patience each have different perspectives. James Huntsman's fraud case against the Church is being appealed (naturally). Brother Benjamin explains where the "Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals" sits in the United States judicial system. The October 2023 LDS General Conference! Rusty phones-in an alienating message, and Dalin Oaks looks like a Cheshire Cat that's licked the cream! Brother Benjamin and Sister Gigi explain the whole "Tim Ballard" fiasco. Since this podcast recording in early October 2023, LDS Apostle, Melvin Russell Ballard (no relation to Tim, yet key to the story, yes it's confusing) has died at 95 years old. So Rusty will be announcing a new Apostle to take his place soon. Assuming the 99 year old lives long enough to do that. :: Key amusements from Alma One: :: The gang learn about Priestcraft, sort of. A word that Joseph Smith invented, and that you'll never hear in a mainstream Christian denomination. Smitty kicks off his new book by jumping straight to the action, and then spends half the chapter rambling the back-story he forgot to put in sequence. Grammar left the building. Joseph and his Amazing Technicolor Pronoun Problem. Again! Neee-Hawww and Gideon have a preach battle in which Gideon dies. Oh, and not THAT Gideon from the Bible. And not THAT donkey that spoke to Balaam. Alma Jnr is High Priest AND Chief Judge, which sounds a lot like "king" where there isn't seperation of Church and State. :: Memorable Quote: :: SISTER GIGI: "History is written by the victor..." BROTHER BENJAMIN: "... and fiction is written by the author." #Reasons to stay home this Sunday# - https://bookofboredom.com/reasons/ #Join the Blasphemy# - https://facebook.com/groups/BookOfBoredom #Patreon (Bonus Episodes)# - https://patreon.com/BookOfBoredom #Twitter# - https://twitter.com/BookOfBoredom #TikTok# - https://tiktok.com/@BookOfBoredomPodcast #Instagram# - https://instagram.com/BookOfBoredomPodcast #YouTube# - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCMjDavWoT73Cev3IAie_XBA #Website# - https://bookofboredom.com/ A nice review on any podcast platform will help frustrate the Heavenly Father's boring plans for your future.

** #112 Mosiah 29: Boredom Shared, Burden Halved ** :: Presented by Friends in Iniquity :: Sister Divchina joins Sister Patience in reading the final horrible chapter of Mosiah. They also discuss the poorly regulated "troubled teen industry" in Utah, which sadly stole the life of 17 year old Taylor Goodridge on 20th December 2022. ** "Things" learned from Mosiah 29 ** Joseph Smith loves non-specific pronouns like "things". Everyone else can't tell what he's talking about. Derivations of the word "expedient" can be used to make anything sound authoritative. The word's meaning is irrelevant. If you get bored during one of Smitty's run-on sentences, find a place to pause (good luck), and interject "In the bedroom!". The results are often amusing. Your mileage may vary. God is like a Twix bar. The pitfalls of Smitty's theocracy mixed with democracy outlined in this chapter. It's a structure that the church tries to use today. #Reasons to stay home this Sunday# - https://bookofboredom.com/reasons/ #Join the Blasphemy# - https://facebook.com/groups/BookOfBoredom #Patreon (Bonus Episodes)# - https://patreon.com/BookOfBoredom #Twitter# - https://twitter.com/BookOfBoredom #TikTok# - https://tiktok.com/@BookOfBoredomPodcast #Instagram# - https://instagram.com/BookOfBoredomPodcast #YouTube# - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCMjDavWoT73Cev3IAie_XBA #Website# - https://bookofboredom.com/ A nice review on any podcast platform will help frustrate the Heavenly Father's boring plans for your future.

** #111 Mosiah 28: Hyrum Smith's Sunglasses ** :: The people of the run-on-sentence of Limhi :: Brother Jones and Sister Patience try to read Mosiah 28 with a straight face (not possible), and also discuss recent Mormon related news. ** A Slightly Interperative Summary of Mosiah 28 ** The people of Zerahemla had "great anxiety" and were "desirous beyond measure" to know the history of a dead people group. So King Mosiah used Hyrum Smith's Sunglasses to aquire this information from some etched metal plates. Old King Mosiah couldn't bestow his kingdom on one of his sons, because they all wanted to pursue careers as missionaries. Everyone was happy to see them go too. It's not like there was high-demand for them in primary food production, defence, or in the skilled trades that built and maintained their advanced civilisation. But with so much joy, there was also deep sorrow. For these new converts, who had never committed any crimes, were apparently "the very vilest of sinners" before their conversion. And "they suffered much anguish of soul because of their iniquities". Their wives thought this was a lot of emotion and superlative for a lifestyle of skipping church for a few beers with friends on the weekend. So, they were thrilled to lose the dead weight. The endless religious discussions and naval-gazing had become an imovable hindrance around the home. :: Mormon News Stories Discussed: :: Drifter steals 4 chicken nuggets from amazing fully equipped LDS Ward kitchen. The real crime here is that this kitchen has only ever been used for producing generic Mormon-Pot-Luck(TM) meals. LDS donates 48 million to alleviate hunger. They could donate 1 billion a year and still grow their capital by a very large margin. Court overturned a former judgment, and allows James Huntsman's fraud case against the church where he alleges LDS used tithes wrongly. #Reasons to stay home this Sunday# - https://bookofboredom.com/reasons/ #Join the Blasphemy# - https://facebook.com/groups/BookOfBoredom #Patreon (Bonus Episodes)# - https://patreon.com/BookOfBoredom #Twitter# - https://twitter.com/BookOfBoredom #TikTok# - https://tiktok.com/@BookOfBoredomPodcast #Instagram# - https://instagram.com/BookOfBoredomPodcast #YouTube# - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCMjDavWoT73Cev3IAie_XBA #Website# - https://bookofboredom.com/ A nice review on any podcast platform will help frustrate the Heavenly Father's boring plans for your future.

** #110 Mosiah 27: Alma son of Alma ** :: Hilarity with Charity! :: In preparation for this recording, Sister Charity ruined her Youtube search history with Mormon research. Thank you for your sacrifice! She contrasts the latter-day-cult with her own experiences of growing up as the spawn of pentecostal missionaries in the Philippines! Since there were two lawyers on the show, Sister Patience asked Brother Banjamin and Sister Gigi about some ways the legal system might be improved Mosiah 27 itself didn't fail to dissappoint, so expect amusement as the team roasts it mercilessly. :: Key (Dissappoint|Amuse)ments: :: Smitty's "the that thou" tongue twister. An angel with a thundering voice who forgets to announce being sent from God, until the end, where it sounds really unconvincing, even with all the thundering. Much to the confusion of everyone, Smitty kept his lies easy to remember by naming Alma's son after his father! C'mon even the Old Testament managed to lie better than that! He could have at least added a "Jnr" to differentiate. #Reasons to stay home this Sunday# - https://bookofboredom.com/reasons/ #Join the Blasphemy# - https://facebook.com/groups/BookOfBoredom #Patreon (Bonus Episodes)# - https://patreon.com/BookOfBoredom #Twitter# - https://twitter.com/BookOfBoredom #TikTok# - https://tiktok.com/@BookOfBoredomPodcast #Instagram# - https://instagram.com/BookOfBoredomPodcast #YouTube# - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCMjDavWoT73Cev3IAie_XBA #Website# - https://bookofboredom.com/ A nice review on any podcast platform will help frustrate the Heavenly Father's boring plans for your future.

** #109 Mosiah 26: Welcome to Insane Peaks ** :: Total Assets $1,000,000 ($38,000,000,000) :: Brother Jones and Sister Patience blaze through a chapter, best described in the Book of Boredom group chat: "Jones and I just read 39 verses of some of the most boring bits of this entire shitty thing. WELL DONE JONES! We're nearly half way thru the BOM!" ~ Patience :: What is this chapter like? :: This chapter is like calling a contact-centre, and being redirected 5 times before the line finally drops, with no solution. This chapter is a bleeding example of the waste inherant in collectivism. This chapter is a game of "Pass the Parcel". This chapter is an example of how to hold a religious inqusition where no one dies. So, "yay!" for "no murder"! That's one small step for Smitty. This chapter mirrors modern day Mormon excommunication practices. Gee, I wonder where they got it from. Smitty just took 2 steps back. :: Other key points: :: Two true stories, where bad ideas from religion resulted in OCD, or OCD-like symptoms. Trump makes his way into 26:25. The church built a MODULAR TEMPLE! Ahaha. Tell your faithful Mormon parents about the Gospel Topic Essays. It's a mitzvah for their brain health! They will cause so much brain activity, that Alzheimers will be staved off by at least a decade! #Reasons to stay home this Sunday# - https://bookofboredom.com/reasons/ #Join the Blasphemy# - https://facebook.com/groups/BookOfBoredom #Patreon (Bonus Episodes)# - https://patreon.com/BookOfBoredom #Twitter# - https://twitter.com/BookOfBoredom #TikTok# - https://tiktok.com/@BookOfBoredomPodcast #Instagram# - https://instagram.com/BookOfBoredomPodcast #YouTube# - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCMjDavWoT73Cev3IAie_XBA #Website# - https://bookofboredom.com/ A nice review on any podcast platform will help frustrate the Heavenly Father's boring plans for your future.