it's a lonely feeling to look around at a virtually non-existent support system. EVERYTHING has changed over the past two years. it's hard to know which direction to choose to move forward. discussion about complex and abusive family dynamics. life has really taken my history of fighting against the odds and put me to the test. in some ways, I feel like a failure... pero, I chose to make these impossibly painful life experiences shape me into a better person and role model. maybe I'm less of a failure than I give myself credit for?

TW: discussion of rape (if there's any trigger warnings I'm missing, please tell me in the Q&A section and I will update it!) CW: recapping the events that led up to my mortifying psychotic episode last year, and all of the messiness that goes along with it. I recently mass deleted a ton of triggering videos and photos from this time period so I don't get bombarded with the memory notifications this year (coping ahead DBT style) and it forced me to face the experiences I have been repressing for nearly a year. I'm really looking forward to reprocessing in EMDR for the next 3 months, I'm hopeful it will give me relief and help me manage my PTSD symptoms more effectively.

My reflections on the difficult mental health situation I've been working through for almost a year. Getting stable again is hard, especially when you're homeless. The tides seem to be changing in my favor, so it's good that I document the positive things in my life right now.

Manic switch is officially off, welcome to the pits of depression hell 😅

Topics covered: The Dime Game - how ask for something strongly or say no strongly (5:43); willingness, wise mind, and distress tolerance (23:45), nutrition and dialectical stance (40:07), accumulating positives (50:35), emotional regulation, the function of emotions, and boundary setting (1:00:05) | Support my fundraiser for mental healthcare: https://www.gofundme.com/f/rae-survival-fund

Consolidating lessons from my third week in intensive mental health treatment | ➡️CW: GIVE (interpersonal / relationship effectiveness and communication) (8:18), vulnerability factors (PLEASE) (9:37), mindfulness and coping ahead (16:40), checking the facts (18:21), schemas (specific / individualized vulnerabilities) (19:05), dialectics (2 opposites can be true at the same time) (22:22), change (it's the only constant and it's transactional) (27:30), emotional disregulation (32:42), walking the middle path (thinking and acting dialectically) (33:45), HALT (related to vulnerabilities and emotional regulation) (39:02), opposite-to-emotion action (emotional regulation, anchoring stability in emotions) (41:13), HOW skills (non-judgmentally, one-mindfully, effectively) (45:15), sleep (how it effects health and wellness) (50:30), WHAT skills (observe, describe, participate) (54:24), radical acceptance (59:02), turning the mind (1:10:20) distress tolerance skills ACCEPTS (distraction) and IMPROVE (improve the moment) (1:14:00), coping ahead (emotional regulation) (1:23:30), beginner's mind (1:29:10) | TED talk referenced - One More Reason to Get a Good Nights Sleep: https://youtu.be/MJK-dMlATmM | Support my fundraiser for mental healthcare: https://www.gofundme.com/f/rae-survival-fund

A long and winding and very stream-of-consciousness summary of my second week in IOP. | "There's no amount of guilt that can change the past, and no amount of anxiety that can change the future." | ➡️CW: distress tolerance (11:55), behavioral change analysis (15:10), TIPP as an emergency lever for intense emotion (17:45), wise mind ACCEPTS (24:27), mindfulness (29:53), stress (31:35), mindfulness of others / observe, describe, participate (39:10), interpersonal effectiveness (45:30), DEAR MAN (objective effectiveness) (45:45), FAST (nurturing self-respect) (49:18), problem-solving for justified emotions (51:55), dialectal stance (1:00:05), boundaries (building self-esteem and self-worth while being mindful of self-validation) (1:01:00), GIVE (interpersonal effectiveness / effectiveness in relationships, with others, and with the world) (1:08:01), building mastery (1:10:32) | Support my fundraiser for mental healthcare: https://www.gofundme.com/f/rae-survival-fund

This week I recap my sister Kristi's visit to Milwaukee and all of our shenanigans, as well as my first week of the DBT IOP (dialectical behavior therapy intensive outpatient program) and my return to work. | "Anger can be the bodyguard for fear or other emotions." | ➡️CW: experiential (art) therapy (41:45), validation (47:25), transparency (51:11), emotional regulation & happiness as a skill (53:04), the function of emotions (58:03), vulnerability factors (59:40), emotional reflection through checking the facts (1:02:13) | TED talks referenced - Do you like me? Do I?: https://youtu.be/5nwSjRA3kQA - You Don't Find Happiness, You Create It: https://youtu.be/9DtcSCFwDdw | Support my fundraiser for mental healthcare: https://www.gofundme.com/f/rae-survival-fund

Aside from the usual weekly recap and goal-setting, this week I'm digging into and recounting the events leading up to my mixed manic episode last year and the factors (social, medical, behavioral) that contributed to a psychotic break.  Notice that as I speak about these events, at times I start to question myself (even gaslight myself, which I just learned was a thing), get confused, trip over my words, repeat things... these are some of my warning signs that I am triggered, and so you will hear me talking myself through that and fact-seeking to confirm what's true in my retelling of events. | ➡️CW: bipolar 2 disorder, mania, potential ADHD and self-medicating, medical marijuana, dating and trauma bonding, CPTSD, psychosis, delusions, paranoia, panic attacks, reference to depressive episode | ➡️TW: medical fatphobia, mention of weight-loss medication, mention of abusive relationship, disordered eating, mistreatment by police (PLEASE *tell me* if I need to add other trigger warnings) | Support my fundraiser for mental healthcare: https://www.gofundme.com/f/rae-survival-fund

Reconnecting with my mom has been tough and my brain is messy right now, but there's one thing I know for sure (that she taught me): my faith is rooted in my love for my family. I speak on many topics here, including: how my lack of emotional intelligence/awareness, unstable housing, and neglectful healthcare practices impacted my mental health as an adolescent (age 15-26); coming to terms with my abusive relationship (with my mom's help); talking myself out a guilt spiral; codependency; how working in a queer space saved my life. | #TWCW: abusive ex, suicidality, addiction, housing instability, houselessness/homelessness, healthcare neglect, eating disorder (*please let me know if I need to add another warning*) | https://www.gofundme.com/f/rae-survival-fund | #amfaq #emotionalintelligence #abusesurvivor #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalillness #depression #anxiety #cptsd #bipolardisorder #livedexperience #unstablehousing

How procrastination and financial anxiety is affecting my safety planning and continuity of mental healthcare. Also, fuck capitalism and fuck our healthcare system. #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalillness #depression #anxiety #CPTSD #bipolardisorder

CW: CPTSD, how I eliminate my triggers, find closure, and heal TW: abusive ex-boyfriend, sexual abuse, (Please tell me if I need to add other TWs!) #TWCW #CPTSD #PTSD #triggers #trigger #healing #emotionalhealing #emotionalintelligence #mentalhealth #therapy #gototherapy

A little bit about me and my vision for this podcast.