Four episodes in, Junior Masterchef actually begins and we see the show we've wanted all along. Points! A leaderboard! No eliminations! A Robbie Williams theme song! The children elaborating on their future restaurant dreams! The catchphrase "If there's no pasta, it's a disastah!" We're sorry we ever doubted you, Australia.

It's episode two or maybe three — there's no way of possibly knowing — but the parents are still there. With the introduction of a snaggletoothed smile and a pair of overachieving Sicilian Twins, the hosts of the universe's most unauthorized Junior MasterChef Australia after show have to admit there may be some charm to this decade-old reality show after all.

We accidentally watched the second episode of the first season of Junior MasterChef Australia series so everything we talked about last week was just flat out wrong. But we persevere, through internet incompetence, surly attitudes and a crush on the "bad boy" judge. Because we are professionals, coming to the table ready for action, much like a hungry man in a cravat waltzing into a warehouse a posse of meat forklifts.

We've all got a lot of time on our hands right now, except Max for some reason. But he's going to squeeze the ladies always by his side into his schedule as we kick off a very special Quarantine Season of AfterChef Junior. This episode is more of the pre-game analysis, as we debate which of the many variations and back episodes of the MasterChefiverse we should explore over the coming weeks. Spoiler alert: it's a Junior MasterChef Australia! Follow along with Season 2, one episode at a time, via https://10play.com.au/junior-masterchef-australia (you may need a VPN to watch if you're not in Australia yourself). We'll be putting out our first recap Wednesday, April 8, unless Jenni's accent snobbery gets the better of her and we cancel this whole project. So throw another shrimp on the bar-B (barbie?? barby???) and join us in this very belated adventure Down Undah and try not to think about the fact we may never be able to travel globally again.

LIVE fron Cincinnati, it's our exclusive interview with Casey Shane, the host of MasterChef Junior Live and the man who took our dream job and has NO apologies about it, wowwww.

LIVE from Cincinnati, it's our exclusive dual interview with wunderkinds Malia and Matthew from season 7, who share life advice with Stacey and inspiration for the world.

LIVE from Cincinnati and this teen star's dressing room, it's our interview with one-to-watch Evan Estrada, who once sent us dulce de leche in the mail and now we're bonded for life.

LIVE from Cincinnati, it's our interview with MCJ Legend and future world president Jasmine1

They said it couldn't be done. They said it SHOULDN'T be done. But we trekked out to the Chilli Capital of North America to meet our heroes face to face, and also Kasey.

The big little three go head to head to head in a predictable yet adorable finale that inspired this belated podcast recap. For the last time this season, experience the hosts of AfterChef Junior discuss kidnapping the children next door, showing off their Southern accents and, once again, using the phrase “Cincinnati’s famous pumpkin chilli” for absolutely no good reason. Thanks for a magical season, friends! If you can hit us up with a cute lil review we’d be over the moon. See you at MasterChef Junior Live this fall, where we will be attending whether or not we’re invited!

It’s the semi-finals of MCJ season 7 and you know what THAT means: the hosts of AfterChef Junior are now deeply invested in both these top six contestants and the imaginary children they’ve agreed to raise in an aggressively pro-cooking environment! This episode, Jenni reveals that she’s mastered the art of food buzzwords, Stacey promises to buy a child a car and Max shakes his head in disappointment over and over again. PLUS an exclusive interview with GOLDEN CHILD Chef Matthew who is full of inspirational wisdom, mostly regarding dreaming it and/or doing it. WHAT A RIDE!

In a very special restaurant takeover episode of a restaurant that is allegedly real, Sadie proves herself an incredible leader ONCE AGAIN and diners prove themselves unimaginative in their reviews. Why are we NEVER invited to these things?

The AfterChef Junior gang gets serious about finances and makes some exciting job offers to literally anyone out there who is listening. Also this ep: tears on tears on tears.

HEY LADIES! It's a new episode of AfterChef Junior and we're talking about feminism and also more about Cincinnati and also starting as many feuds as we can. You know, the basic topics that any good show about children cooking will inspire.

We can barely focus on anything this episode as we discover that MasterChef Junior LIVE is coming to American cities nowhere near us, but somehow, we power through. In a very special double episode, the experts at AfterChef Junior discuss last meals and the lure of Cincinnati, and worry extensively about whether or not the Kids Bop crew are experiencing a healthy childhood.

The threat of murder-by-chicken cast a shadow over what should have been a fun day out at camp, but that sort of traumatic pressure is exactly why we tune into this family friendly show and then provide family friendly commentary to match. Apologies in advance that we’re going to be talking about Gordon’s butt briefly, BUT we also have Chef Evie on the podcast today so hopefully her charms and leadership skills make up for our vulgarity?

This week, the kids slay their cupcake challenge and we get off-topic (surprise!), delving into some foxy childhood crushes and the ethics of giving children espresso.

This episode is the OPPOSITE of a pineapple turkey burger nightmare, oozing with STUNNING accusations of cultish behaviour, BEAUTIFUL descriptions of what it's like to have cake up your nose and ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT confessions that we have never watched any MCJ bonus content. Whether you're from France or Florida, we hope you'll tune in.

After technical errors galore and international jetsetting, our trio of intrepid children's-cooking-competition judges are BACK IN ACTION with a whole new slew of bold ideas for show improvement (shaved heads?), conspiracy theories (does Matthew have POWERS?) and upsetting focus on lobster murder.