Devora Krasnianski of Adai Ad (www.adaiad.org) speaks with Chana Levitan, MSc, about her newly released book, “Are We There Yet?”. It's practical and insightful about this "one thing" for successful marriage. After so many years of therapy and coaching, Chana concluded that the one thing for successful marriage is... differentiation.

Chana breaks it all down in this conversation, the stages of a marriage, the roadblocks so many of us hit as we discover and live by the concept of differentiation. Differentiation is the ability to maintain my sense of self as I discover how different my spouse and I are - while at the same time learning to stay connected.

--

Timestamps

0:00 Introduction

13:24 Roadblocks in marriage

17:04 Differentiation

25:26 Accepting Differences

🔗 Learn more about Adai Ad

Just One Thing – Weekly relationship insight - https://adaiad.org/just-one-thing/

Books – https://adaiad.org/books/

Expert-led sessions and interviews - https://adaiad.org/successful-marriage/past-events/

🔗 More from Chana Levitanhttps://chanalevitan.com

https://www.amazon.com/Are-There-Road-Trip-Great-Marriage/dp/9657801974

https://www.amazon.com/Thats-Why-Married-You-Personality/dp/965229828X

https://www.amazon.com/Only-Want-Get-Married-Once/dp/9652294985

Subscribe for more conversations on real relationships and marriage guidance.

👍 Like this video

💬 Share your thoughts in the comments

🔔 Don’t forget to subscribe to the channel for more thoughtful interviews and tools for strong, lasting marriages.

Devora Krasnianski of Adai Ad (www.adaiad.org) speaks with Lisa Twerski, LCSW, about her newly released book, Me & You – What I Wish I Knew: A Marriage Manual for the Frum Community.

This interview offers an insightful and practical conversation about building and deepening the marriage relationship, with guidance relevant to couples at any stage.

Timestamps

0:00 Introduction

13:57 The Six Units of the Book

30:05 Navigating Difficult Conversations in Marriage

42:56 Introducing the Book to a Reluctant Partner

🔗 Learn more about Adai Ad

Just One Thing – Weekly relationship insight - https://adaiad.org/just-one-thing/

Books – https://adaiad.org/books/

Expert-led sessions and interviews - https://adaiad.org/successful-marriage/past-events/

More from Lisa Twerski

• Me & You: A Marriage Manual for the Frum Community - https://www.amazon.com/Me-You-marriage-manual-community/dp/B0DNG43KRW
• The Binyan Project - https://thebinyanproject.com/

🎧 More from Lisa Twerski & Adai Ad

• Is this normal? Recognizing Abusive Behavior Early in Marriage - https://adaiad.org/end-the-abuse/twerski-newlywed/

• Good Communication is Key - https://adaiad.org/event/twerski-good-communication

Subscribe for more conversations on real relationships and marriage guidance.

👍 Like this video

💬 Share your thoughts in the comments

🔔 Don’t forget to subscribe to the channel for more thoughtful interviews and tools for strong, lasting marriages.

Kayla Levin and Devora Krasnianski talk about relationships and stress around Yom Tov.  We speak about in-laws, disappointments &  expectations, differences of ideas,  parents, kids. And how to manage our thoughts and feelings and ultimately our experience.  Jam-packed with insights and perspectives.

www.adaiad.org  www.kaylalevin.com

Dr. Margo Neuberger talks about how family impacts marriage, about attachment styles and how you can have a successful marriage no matter your childhood and family dynamics. She also covers how to share about your family on a date. more from this series at <a href="www.adaiad.org/marriage-ready"> www.adaiad.org/marriage-ready </a><br><br> <a href="www.adaiad.org"> www.adaiad.org </a> <br><a href="www.maskparents.org">www.maskparents.org</a>

<br>

<br>28:07 Emotional Neglect

<br> 30:37 Secure Attachment

<br> 31:25 Anxious Insecure Attachment

<br> 32:14 Avoidant Insecure

<br> 32:48 Disorganized Attachment

Dr. Yossi Shaffer

Dr. Binyamin Tepfer talks about how pornography addiction can impact a marriage. Covering: "Should I get married or begin dating with an addiction?" "Should I get into a relationship with someone who has or had an addiction?"  How to talk about a porn or sex addiction during dating. What type of help is appropriate. 

more from this series at www.adaiad.org/marriage-ready

www.adaiad.org  www.maskparents.org

Rabbi Dr. Benzion Twerski talks about how addiction can impact a relationship. Covering: "Should I get married or begin dating with an addiction?" "Should I get into a relationship with someone who has or had an addiction?"  

more from this series at www.adaiad.org/marriage-ready  

www.adaiad.org  www.maskparents.org

Devora Krasnianski of Adai Ad talks with Basie Rosenblat, LCSW-R about some key mindsets and tools for your successful marriage.

Rabbi YY Jacobson shares an hashkafic view of ending an abusive marriage.

Devora Krasnianski of Adai Ad talks with Dr. Shmuel Brachfeld about how to prepare for your successful marriage - in the time before marriage.

• Introduction. 
• Planting seeds that will be helpful in marriage. 
• Why get married? It's not good for a man to be alone.  
• Become one unit as husband and wife. 
• Understanding what is a relationship. 
• Relationship is so much more than what they do for us. 
• In a relationship, two people experience each other. 
• A marriage is a relationship based on choice - every day, I commit again. 
• At the end of the day, we know we can rely on each other - a  'couple bubble'. 
• Each of you shouldn't lose yourself in the relationship. Consent.   
• Privacy vs secrecy.  (Reach out for help when something is off .) 
• Self-awareness is crucial for a successful marriage. 
• When have differences, see yourselves as me and you together AGAINST the problem. 
• Learn effective ways to communicate your needs. 
• Dan lkaf zchus: "What's the possible back story?" 
• Q: what is expected from the 'man'?

Devora Krasnianski of Adai Ad talks with Hindi Kalmenson of Relationshift about effective mindsets for staying connected with your husband through the busyness, joys and stress of Pesach. In this talk, Hindi shares several very practical applications of the mashpia-mekabel dynamic. How to really receive what your husband is contributing to you and the family. We also talk about how to have conversations about what you each want for the Pesach experience, how to work out when there are differences of perspectives, and how to share responsibilities.  

www.adaiad.org

www.createrelationshift.com

• 0:00 Introduction 
• 1:21 How to start preparing and thinking about Pesach. 
• 5:10 Think about what you want from this Pesach. 
• 9:20 How to plan together for a meaningful Pesach. 
• 15:25 When you have different ideas for Pesach. 
• 20:00 When your husband brings up an idea that you find difficult. 
• 30:10  Talking about sharing responsibilities for preparing for Pesach. 
• 34:10  Receive what your husband is offering to you. 
• 39:28 Help your husband know what and how you want to receive. 
• 46:30  Don't hint at it, be vulnerable to express your desire. 
• 49:30 Know your stressors and what will help you destress. 
• 53:10 Wrap up

Devora Krasnianski of Adai Ad talks with Reb. Malki Spira, LMHC and Ruchama Clapman of MASK about how to prepare for your successful marriage - in the time before marriage.   

• Introduction
• Preparing now for your marriage relationship.
• The role of the wife has been transformed and this impacts expectations of marriage.
• Unrealistic expectations directly impacts happiness.
• In every marriage, there will be many unreconcilable differences. 
• Notice your expectations about marriage. 
• It is important that those differences don’t turn into gridlock (fighting or withdrawing). 
• About being mevater (relinquish needs/ wants) in marriage. Dos and don’ts. 
• How you handle the problems is more important than what the problems are. 
• There really isn’t a perfect person out there who can fulfill all your needs. 
• Strengthening the tools and mindsets for your marriage. 
• Commitment is integral for marriage to feel safe enough to be vulnerable. 
• You are two parts of one whole. What to do for your husband. 
• Q: What can we do in the time before marriage to develop these skills?  
• Wrap up

Devora Krasnianski of Adai Ad talks with Yehuda (Hudi) Kowalsky, LMHC and Ruchama Clapman of MASK about how past trauma can impact your future relationship and what you can do to set yourself up for success.   

• Introduction 
• What is 'trauma'? How does someone know if they still have the trauma 'in them'? 
• In what ways does trauma impact relationships? 
• What if you function well, do you still need to specifically address the trauma? 
• How does someone know if they worked through the trauma enough for marriage? 
• If someone had a trauma, should they check in with a professional? 
• What type of therapy modalities be called for trauma? 
• How intergenerational trauma can impact someone. 
• Talking about the trauma of sexual abuse. 
• How to share about a trauma on a date. 
• Q: Does 12 Steps help with working through trauma? 
• Q: Dealing with the trauma of their own divorce. 
• People grow and thrive because of a trauma. 
• Q: Trauma around religion. 56:21  Final thoughts.

Devora Krasnianski of Adai Ad talks with Sara Gita Soble of Mindshift about effective communication in marriage. It's much more than words - it is a mindset.  

www.adaiad.org

www.createrelationshift.com  

• 0:00 About this talk 
• 3:18 Why do people communicate? 
• 5:00 Where do people get stuck in their communication? 
• 6:25 Communication is more than a set of tools. 
• 7:21 It’s all about the mindset under the communication. 
• 9:05 1. Create space  2. Find value. 
• 13:11 Find the value in the other’s ideas. 
• 14:14 Have genuine curiosity. 
• 18:00 Assume there is value and then find it. 
• 28:21 When there is respect, you can find wonderful solutions together. 
• 29:13 What to do when values conflict. 
• 32:56 In an environment of respect and safety, creativity can flow. 
• 33:45 The 5 secrets of effective communication. 
• 38:07 You don’t need to ever get to being on the same page. 
• 41:18 Move from ‘your way’ and ‘my way’ to a third way. 
• 47:08 We don’t need to control the whole situation. 
• 47:48 Recap of the 5 secrets. 
• 50:21 Wrap up

Devora Krasnianski of Adai Ad talks with Dovid Lieblich, CFP, EA about what newly married should know about building their financial future.  

(slides and other related resources www.adaiad.org/financial-future)  

• Introduction
• About Dovid Lieblich and his story
• Newly marrieds have the best opportunity to forge a path for financial success
• It's not about how much you make, it's how you use your money (costs of living)
• "Pay yourself first". Save first then budget your expenses.
• How much to save
• Saving for retirement (even in your 20s!) 
• Emergency fund 
• Saving for something specific (ex: trip, Bar Mitzvah) 
• Have separate accounts
• Budgets/ spending plans (use debit cards, pay credit card weekly) 
• Understanding credit cards 
• "Get rich quick" schemes are very risky 
• Mistakes young people make  
• Life insurance 
• Questions answered  (more about credit cards/ credit reports) 
• Savings accounts vs Bonds 
• Paying taxes before maaser, before saving 
• How to contact Dovid 
• Traditional IRA and Roth IRA 
• Quick overview of investing 
• Final Thoughts

Devora Krasnianski of Adai Ad talks with Rivka Krumholz, LMFT,  Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, LCSW-R, DHL and Ruchama Clapman of MASK about what is couples therapy all about.  

• Introductions of panelists 
• About MASK 
• What is Couples Therapy? What are the benefits? 
• It is the Relationship that is the client, not the two people. 
• Why do people delay going to therapy? 
• Is money a deterrent?  (Is it a priority issue?) 
• Your relationship impacts your thinking, decisions (at work, etc.) 
• What is the experience in the therapy room? 
• What are typical issues addressed in couples therapy?   What is contraindicated for couples therapy? 
• What if one spouse doesn't want to go to therapy? 
• The different types of modalities of couples therapy? When to know what type of therapy is best for the situation?  How to choose a therapist? 
• About the therapist's credentials and specializations - which is best? 
• What if one spouse is dealing with trauma, does that need individual therapy in addition to couples therapy? 
• About what to do between sessions. 
• Can one of the couple meet with the therapist in individual session, privately? 
• Addictions and couple's therapy 
• Does the gender of the therapist matter? 
• Rabbanim/ rebetzins can work with the therapist and the therapy process. 
• How many sessions is typical? When to end therapy? 
• "We are married 13+ years, is it too late to have a happy marriage?" It's never too late.

Devora Krasnianski of Adai Ad talks with Dr. Debbie Akerman and Ruchama Clapman of MASK about important aspects of marriage readiness.

• Welcome
• Triangular Theory of Love: 1. Working together 2. Intimacy 3. Commitment
• How does age consider into marriage readiness?
• What does ‘giving’ mean in a marriage?
• How to tell a person’s character?
• Self-reflection: Look at life in the sum total.
• It’s a good thing if the dates get stressed.
• Try to see each other in different circumstances/ real life.
• Difference between giving and co-dependency.
• How ‘full’ do I have to be ready for marriage?
• What are traits that are not compatible with healthy marriage?
• Readiness after a difficult childhood or trauma?
• It is not enough to know what you don’t want to do in your marriage.
• If you are making a shift in your life, how long should you be settled into that new life before marriage?
• Conflict theory: How do you have conflict?
• Getting married after (or with) addiction. Honesty about addiction.
• Do I have to share about my pornography addiction or experimentation?
• What is considered an addiction? It is possible to be successfully married to a recovering addict.
• What is the definition of co-dependency?
• How does the concept of ‘ego’ work in a marriage?
• How to address the pressure to get married?  How do I know if I am ready to be married?
• Can an anxious person get married? Yes.
• Nobody will marry perfection.  Accepting a person on their terms. 
• Dealing with trust issues.
• How to pick a therapist that is right for you?

Devora Krasnianski of Adai Ad talks with Yael Trusch about supporting your husband's work for parnassah. 

www.adaiad.org/money-shalom  

• 0:00 Introduction 
• 3:19 What is supportive (and what is not) 
• 6:38 Focusing on what we do have, not what we don’t have 
• 9:34 When trust in Hashem, it impacts your attitude and trust in your husband 
• 13:13 How to show your husband appreciation and support 
• 15:24 Hashem has other ways to get you the things you need. It doesn’t have to be through parnassah. 
• 16:55 Highlight his positive talents 
• 22:15 Show gratitude for him as a person 
• 24:18 Q: How to bring up ideas to him? 
• 27:47 Q: Should I ‘let him see that we don’t have enough money’ to motivate him? 
• 30:50 Q: Better for him to provide, or for both of us?   
• 33:00 Q: What do I do when I think my husband’s ideas won’t work out? 
• 35:15 Q: How can I encourage him as he asks for a raise? 
• 39:44 Q: My husband doesn’t want to spend money to make money. Help! 
• 41:48 Q: My husband’s business is closing. How can I support him? 
• 45:41 Q: Will telling him about my dreams motivate him to work harder for parnassah? 
• 48:06 Q: Is it helpful or motivating to let him know how worried I am? 
• 49:00 Q: As newlyweds, how can we get on track right in the beginning? 
• 53:00 Q: My husband spends too much time at work. Help! 
• 55:10 Q: Can I ask my husband how much a gift cost him? 
• 57:11 Final thoughts

Devora Krasnianski of Adai Ad talks with Yael Trusch about communicating about money. 

www.adaiad.org/money-shalom  

• 0:00  Introduction. 
• 3:04  Negative effects about fighting about money. 
• 8:02  Conversation about money shows you about your values. 
• 10:15 Date Night to discuss topics around money. 
• 18:06 What are typical money stressors. 
• 22:56  Being the higher earner doesn’t mean more power or control. 
• 27:25 Budgets cannot be made unilaterally.  It is about mutuality and transparency.  
• 29:05 Have a discretionary fund that each can spend on without having to report. 
• 31:00 Set ground rules about large purchases. 
• 33:42 What if my spouse doesn’t want to have such conversations? 
• 42:15 Q: She came into the marriage with debt and she is feeling resentful. 
• 45:09 Q: I want to spend money on something, my spouse doesn’t agree it is important. 
• 48:44 Q: Professionals who can help with money. 
• 51:09 Q: Who to save for surprise gift for spouse. 
• 55:33 Q: I want to stop working to be home with the kids, how to bring it up. 
• 58:40 Final thoughts.

Devora Krasnianski of Adai Ad talks with Rabbi Pinney and Helana Herman about Creating your Relationship Vision. This talk also covers some key points of the Imago Dialog and other tools.  

http://adaiad.org/herman-vision for worksheets and other resources mentioned in the talk 

contact Helana Herman coachingwithhelana@gmail.com