In this episode of You Did That!, I welcome Nik Stancil, an Associate Professional Clinical Counselor with Prospect Therapy in Long Beach. Through therapy and workshop facilitation at Prospect Therapy, Nik provides consulting services for queer and trans individuals seeking to increase productivity, define and reach new goals, and generally improve their quality of life.
Main Topics Discussed:
What are you celebrating about yourself today?
Nik: I am the first openly queer and trans person in my family, and in my bubble. This has bled over into every part of my life, including my work. I wouldn’t be doing what I’m doing now if I didn’t embrace this part of me. I find a lot of pride and identity in my work; so, the ability to translate the empowerment of Queerness that I celebrate into my work is what keeps me motivated.
Tell me about the moment you decided to embrace your identity.
Nik: There were two: the internal and external moments. Internally, the first time somebody referred to me using he/they pronouns, I burst into tears. That made me realize that this is real and it’s not going anywhere. Externally, it was my top surgery. That was when the people around me realized that they had to adjust to this path I chose for my life. It was during that time when they told me that they finally began to see me as I really am.
Were you ever pressured to transition in stages as opposed to all at once, internally and externally?
Nik: Yes and no. I understand the idea of taking one step at a time. At the same time, I also wanted to be done with this emotional labor I was going through. But, you can’t rush it, particularly those building blocks of how you see yourself. In a way, I appreciate the amount of time that needs to pass during the physical part so that I can emotionally process everything that’s happening. I’m also glad the process is hard, because it’s made me a better person.
What were some of the challenges you faced both within yourself and from the people and systems around you?
Nik: Looking back, I’m still surprised about how hard it was to convince myself to go through with it. Sometimes, I don’t know how I was able to do it. I’m so grateful that I did; but, I wish, for my clients’ and other people’s sake, that I was able to really narrate step-by-step how I made it all happen. The conversation you have with yourself is the most important one. Gender is super-confusing. Coming out to my family was also challenging, but a little easier than you’d think because I’d already spent years processing my thoughts and emotions beforehand.
What made those challenges a little easier for you?
Nik: You are one of them. Having a boss that’s not going to fire me or question me. Telling Sara that I wanted to use they/them pronouns, I’m non-binary, and that I’m going on this gender journey, and hearing a simple “cool” from her was amazing. I also had friends that told me that they didn’t care what gender I am, and that made the biggest difference.
Learn more about Nik Stancil:
Follow them on Instagram: www.instagram.com/nikstancil
Request a therapy appointment with Nik Stancil: https://www.prospecttherapy.com/nikstancil