Every male reader of the Chateau needs to see this movie, if for no other reason than to absorb the lessons it offers as a cautionary tale.
*BLUE Valentine*
Self-satisfaction will see a man through all sorts of tribulations. Radiating confidence, deserved or irrational, is what is most attractive to women. This man looks confident, and his wife stands by him. She has the mousy, hunched over posture of a woman in love. All else that’s objectively negative about him fades to insignificance in the matter of what stirs her heart.
As a responsible father the setbacks you most want your son to avoid are:
Give him the knowledge and tools to circumvent those unhappy fates and the wisdom of your experience and you will be a hero to him for life.
My only advice I have for the young man who emailed me:
1. Stop beating up on yourself and acting so goddamned melodramatic. You have much insight for your age. Your intelligence will take you far. Now what you need is calm and wisdom.
2. This too shall pass.
3. The big picture trumps the little picture.
4. Stay away from your mother as much as humanly possible. She is damaged goods for you. Single moms, even your own flesh and blood, are poison for your growth as a man and a ladykiller.
5. For that matter, stay away from your father. Unless he is willing to change, he will only continue to infect you with his beta loser stench. Harsh words, I know, but your well-being trumps all.
6. If you are not ready to give up on either of your parents, then show your father this blog. Tell him to read from day one. Enlightenment is a mouse click away.
7. Show your mother this blog too. Expect hysterics.
8. Stand up to your mother. From what you have written, she sounds like an emotional vampire who demands payment in obeisance and comes to loathe those who give her what she wants. Fuck that noise. Get back to the cocky/funny that you used to be around her.
9. If all the above fail, consider physically moving away from these parasites. Friends, family, everyone. Gather your savings, quit your job, and move to a new city or even a new country.
10. Someday you will die. But today is not that day. Now is the time to live.
Now, instead of toiling for years as a cog in the machine, giving til it hurt, to win the heart of a marriageable woman in a socially-approved manner, men were, in effect, mimicking the traditional alpha male through a process of data compression. The confident body language and cocky humor of the CEO or BigLaw sleaze-bag could be had by the common man for pennies on the dollar.
Most men scoff at this. It takes many demonstrations by pioneers before the average guy will lose his long-held beliefs about how the world works. Even those guys who know about game and have immersed themselves in it like a religious follower at a tent revival find it difficult to change their old ways...
Marriage, rigged as it is against men in its current configuration, is still the norm people aspire to.
The girl you are dating is head over heels in love with you: you are in the do-no-wrong zone, my friend... There’s a catch -- this magic window only lasts about three months... The downside with this scenario is that you have to date at least two points lower than your market value equivalent.
The Chateau Gift-Buying Guide.
If she is a mistress:
Something perishable, like a dinner or bouquet of flowers. You don’t want evidence of your infidelity lingering on either you or her.
Upside: Keeps her expectations low. If you give her expensive stuff she’ll assume you’re thinking of leaving your wife to be with her.
Downside: A mistress always has you by the balls, unless you have managed the trick of persuading your wife to the spiritual benefits of polygyny. Go cheap on the gifts and she may show up at your front door at 2 A.M. with a bag of candy.
If she is a Christmas Eve one night stand:
a six-pack of Michelob Light.
If she is three-week-old fresh pussy:
Be careful! Many a man has learnt a painful financial lesson when his loins were in charge of his credit card. Best bet: don’t buy the potential slut anything.
If she is a fling (you’ve been dating for fewer than three months, and plan to keep it that way):
For birthdays, tickets to a show for a band both you and her like. Use her as a pawn to flirt with hipster chicks at the show.
For Christmas, a scarf and a bottle of Chivas. Drink until she’s hot and/or interesting.
If she is in the three to four month limbo between a fling and a girlfriend, and you’re not sure if she’s the one:
For birthdays, tickets to a show for a band she likes.
For Christmas, a stuffed animal with a homemade card.
If she is your girlfriend, #1 crush:
For birthdays or anniversaries, bracelet or necklace if you are a beta. A puppy if you are a greater beta. A hot cocktail dress with accompanying lingerie if you are an alpha. A homemade mix tape if you are a super alpha.
For Christmas, ditch the conventional trinkets of romantic servitude in favor of fun and funny.
Maxim #140: The more expensive or thoughtful the gift you give a girl, the greater the risk that she will subconsciously begin to think she is too good for you.
Corollary: If you are dating out of your league, or you are dating a young hot babe in her prime, you should do the exact opposite of what everyone will tell you to do -- *do not* buy her expensive gifts.
If she’s your aging wife in a country with divorce laws that favor the husband:
Nothing.
If she’s your aging wife in the USA:
Refinance the mortgage to buy her the moon.
If she is girl #3 in your harem:
Nothing.
If you’re trying to dump her:
A toaster oven. Or kitty litter if you’re a cheap bastard.
Maximize your odds of a bang with the torment of your dreams:
1. Always talk about the girls you are dating, fucking, or seeking the same from to your girl “friend”.
2. Limit your friendzone time to drinking, shows, art exhibits, and house parties.
3. Immediately and without qualification change the subject when your girl “friend” begins talking about a guy she likes, or the dudes she’s fucking or wants to fuck.
4. Don’t make a production of her wistful musings about other guys, though.
5. You’re going to want to invoke feelings of latent jealousy as much as possible.
6. Use her as a target for practicing your teasing skills.
7. Once in a while, she’s going to unload that “I fucked a hot dude last night” conversation bomb. Do not react negatively.
8. Your one advantage, if you can call it that, is that you are the guy who is “there for her” when times are tough and she needs a shoulder to cry on. Occasionally, like when Jupiter aligns with Uranus and her oxytocin levels are off the charts, a girl will feel strong intimate feelings for the emotionally available and sensitive beta male. That’s when you leap in.
9. Finally, preemptively dump her after the first time you bang her. Yes that’s right, unceremoniously dump the girl of your dreams.
10. If you are slow to act, and she manages to “dump” you first, you have a counter maneuver. Agree with her. Then in the days immediately following, cut off all contact for a few weeks – or months, as the circumstances require.
My suggestions for how losers in love can turn their fortunes around without lowering their standards:
1. Travel to an economically depressed second tier country like Russia or its East European neighbors where the culture is not too different and the women are known hot commodities.
Downside: avoid getting conned.
2. Not keen on the hassle of traveling and importing a first rate piece of ass? Try scooping up the ones who shell out their own travel expenses and come here to the U.S.
Downside: must get to these girls BEFORE she realizes that American women are shrieking ball-busting self-absorbed harpies with serious BMI issues pedestalized by beta men.
3. Move to the Heartland. Money will go farther, style will be intriguing, marginally witty jokes will get more mileage.
Downsides: obesity epidemic, resentful local boys prone to violence, bastard children, smell of manure.
4. Lie.
Downside: forget about long term relationships.
5. Hit on damaged goods.
Downsides: STD's, kids, short shelf lives.
6. Castration. Nothing removes neediness like zero sex drive.
Downside: zero sex drive.
As the “negative” traits accumulate, the odds of hot girl sex increase exponentially rather than linearly.
1) Over 25.
Odds increase by: +10% for each additional year, -20% at age 30, and +30% for ages 31 and up.
2) Single Mom.
Odds increase by: 50% for the first kid, 85% if a Downs Syndrome kid, 20% for each additional kid.
3) Physical Deformity.
Odds increase by: 20 – 150%, depending on severity of disfigurement.
4) Former Fatty.
Odds increase by: 10 – 70%, depending on length and heft of fat phase.
5) Recent Divorcee.
Odds increase by: 20% if she filed for divorce, 40% if her ex filed for divorce.
6) Foreigner.
Odds increase by: 60% if she is from a patriarchal culture like Russia, 30% if she is from a feminized culture like Sweden, 80% if she is from a dirt poor patriarchal culture and she’s trying to get a green card.
Conclusion:
Beta, desperate, and settling is no way to go through life, son.
Like dogs, women will walk all over you if you let them.
Like dogs, women will test you for your alpha status the moment you show weakness.
Like dogs, women need to be trained.
Like dogs, women respond best to strong verbal and nonverbal commands.
Like dogs, women will eventually take to the leash, metaphorical or literal.
Like dogs, women want to be told to roll over.
Like dogs, women will hump anything if you allow them.
Ectomorphs also have major pickup flaws which they must address, or they will find the game of love to be a mountain too high to climb.
1. An immobilizing hesitancy to approach girls or open sets.
2. An inability to react promptly to shit tests.
3. Calibration.
4. Alpha male voice and body projection.
5. Kino. Ectos are uncomfortable touching women.
The mesomorph is your classic aloof, asshole alpha male. He’s not trying to be an inconsiderate jerk - well, not always - he just is...
Because the mesomorph is a man of occasionally thoughtless action, direct game will be his bread and butter...
Mesomorphs’ love for action and escalation means that they are often bad at calibrating women’s receptiveness. The classic meso is the gung-ho military man who misreads a woman’s interest and bungles the pickup by being too aggressive and obstinate...
A mesomorph has to train himself to be better at reading women’s signals, and to be more refined at the art of manipulative pullbacks. He’s got the body language and the physical escalation nailed down; now he needs to work on his empathy and developing an attitude of scarcity to complement his transparent, take-charge approach mentality.
“Hey!
I said... don’t use that fucking word with me again...... Got it?”
The next twenty minutes, she is withdrawn, her demeanor chastened and her arms modestly crossed in her lap. You swivel to face the group and smile warmly. Instead of forcing the conversation to return to an artificial crescendo, you remain calm and allow the prior energy level to reformulate on its own. Which it does, almost. Eventually, even your girl has managed to reconstitute herself, although you note with great pride the look of hatred her ugly B.F.F. shoots you.
What do you think happened next?
Let us turn to the lyrics of Alter Ego Neil Diamond:
***
Turn on your snatch spigot,
let it flow wherever you go,
let it make a happy hole,
for all the world to see.
Turn on your snatch spigot,
in the middle of a young boy’s dream,
don’t wake me up too soon,
gonna take a ride across your poon...
you and me.
Anti-game is trivial.
1. get misty-eyed at emotional shit.
2. bore her with details.
3. constantly let her re-frame.
4. buy her drinks, outside of a date context.
5. compliment her gratuitously.
6. talk about your hobbies with oblivious enthusiasm.
7. never ask her a question.
8. never look away.
9. let her see your shit-eating smile.
10. accede to her manipulative horseshit.
11. never, ever say “horseshit” in conversation.
More anti-game behaviors and traits:
12. Constantly remind her how happy you are to be with her.
13. Laugh at your own jokes.
14. Laugh uproariously at her “jokes”.
15. Feed her need for gossip.
16. Put up with her shit an order of magnitude more frequently than she puts up with your shit.
17. Ask yes or no or one-word answer type questions.
18. Act contrite when she catches you checking out her body.
19. Stare, look away, stare, look away, stare, look away.
20. Ask her if she has a condom.
21. Cuddle her so long that she is the one to first start wriggling free.
22. Hold in farts around her until your colon bursts.
23. Fidget, talk fast, mumble, lean in, babble tiresomely like a girl who has a heavy emotional burden to unload.
24. Talk incessantly about the state of the relationship.
25. Whine about how hard life is.
26. Betray too much enthusiasm when she tells you about something cool she did.
27. Act impressed with her educational credentials or career success.
28. Sympathize with her bitching about badboy exes.
29. Agree to her tacit sex timetable.
30. Get wrathfully jealous every time she checks out a dude or talks about another guy.
31. Spitefully berate her genuine accomplishments.
32. Say crap like “I don’t deserve you” with sincerity.
33. Be a kitchen bitch.
34. Drop everything you like to do to do everything she likes to do.
35. Wanly smile when she denigrates you to her friends.
36. Make videos like this nauseating beta dweeb trying to win an ex- back.
37. Resort to saying “I suppose you’re right” every time she accuses you of some character defect.
38. Constantly, and insipidly, ask her if she “likes it this way” during lovemaking.
39. Forget the art of plain old fucking.
40. Turn to face her fully as soon as you open a girl. Stay that way while she continues giving you her profile.
41. Buying girls drinks as a MEANS OF OPENING THEM.
42. Muck up cold reads until they sound like interrogations.
43. Show up more than five minutes early for dates.
44. Go for the night-ending kiss, get denied, follow up by shouting at her as she’s leaving that you’ll call her.
45. Skip on the way home after a “successful” date that did not end in sex.
46. Apologize for infractions she has not even accused you of.
47. Support feminism. Make a big show of it.
48. Ingratiate yourself to her.
49. Know a little too much about the TV wasteland, articles in the Style section of any major newspaper, or women’s fashion.
50. Make breakfast for her after the first night together.
51. Follow her from bar to bar.
52. Join her plans instead of inviting her to join your plans.
53. Agree to meet her friends before you have sexed her.
54. Wait in the exact same spot for her to return after she has told you she’ll be gone for ten minutes.
55. Pine over, or disparage, your ex on a first date.
56. Listen to her intently when she talks about her exes.
57. Always follow her conversational lead.
58. Touch her hair too soon.
59. Sit with your legs crossed. Acceptable only if you are an office executive.
60. Sweat profusely from anything other than vigorous exercise, sex or fighting.
61. Eagerly say yes to every one of her requests.
62. Be hopelessly indecisive.
When a girl asks you to do something for or with her, instead of following her request to the tee you should be thinking how you can screw around with her expectation.
Maxim #91. Women will screech louder the closer your words get to damaging or exposing vulnerabilities in their sexual market value.
Basic rules of engagement:
1. You don’t have to send a pic of your own penis.
2. If you send a pic of your own penis with authenticity in mind, make sure you are packing heat.
3. Send a flaccid penis.
4. Include the balls some way.
5. Shoot from below.
Personally – I would run penis pic game, but a phone with a 24 inch screen hasn’t been invented yet.
Women who make it obvious they are fishing for compliments generally fall in three main camps:
1. Hot babes who live and die by continual positive feedback on either their beauty - from aloof men they like - or their personality/smarts - from women and men who only recognize them for their beauty.
2. Aging beauties who need reassurances in the face of their impending expiration.
3. Women in relationships who are feeling anxiety that their men are losing interest in them.
If you are truly worried that your police record will cost you lays and love, you should consider the misinformation move. Just toss out a nickname you go by so that she can’t find your record online. If, at some distant future date, you and her are still together, you may reveal the full extent of your badass-ness. It will be like love is blossoming all over again for her. She will remember the moment as possibly the greatest gift a man has ever given her.