Thomas Tuchel is England's Fußballmeister, and the Brexiteers are not happy—unless it brings them a World Cup. At least he won't be showing up on the Old Trafford touchline anytime soon. Which is lucky for him, as King Eric (Cantona) is flinging bags of sh*t around after INEOS took away Fergie's pension money. New billionaires, just like the old billionaires. City have brought in a new Portuguese prodigy, but he's not taking to the field. Instead, he's heading to the exec suites. Hugo Viana's first few jobs at City may be to replace KDB, Ederson, and Pep. Better get his good mate Ruben Amorim on the line. Paulo calls that appointment first. Paul Pogba's latest interview has challenged Paulo to rethink the way we talk about players of color, and we find out what happens when you change a Super Eagles flight plan. Raphaël Varane thinks players are too robotic and not allowed to make mistakes anymore—and he played under Mourinho, so it must be bad. Samuel Eto'o wants to run for CAF President. We're team Motsepe all the way, but Samuel will be fun as hell. When we're not watching sports, we're watching sports documentaries and talking about them—and this week, we got stuck into Starting 5, the best NBA documentary since The Last Dance. It's so good, Anthony Edwards has Paulo contemplating committing heresy. Luis Figo enters the GOAT Farm and Senzo picks apart the Ackerley Sports Group's pathetic equity offer for the Springboks. We find out they own the 49ers, among others, and tell you just how much of Patrick Mahomes' $75 million will get you. Spoiler alert: not much.