Brought to you by your favorite backwoods intellectuals over at Steamboat Dispatch, East Bellmont’s #1 source for news, hearsay, and localized reality distortion since 1837.
🪵🌪️LISTENER ADVISORY:
This episode contains chronologically unstable content, auditory cryptobotany, and several unlicensed uses of the word “paradoxin’.”
Side effects may include déjà vu, reverse earwax migration, and an uncontrollable urge to trap lynxes using metaphysical hairballs. Proceed with caution—and maybe a compass that runs on regret.
🕰️🦝✨IN THIS TIME-SKIPPIN’, TREE-GABBIN’, LYNX-DODGIN’ EPISODE:
Old Clem and Sister Zenda set off to outwit the mysterious Auntie Purl, a deceptively furry She-Lynx who appears to moonwalk through history like it owes her rent. Guided by the riddlin’, whisperin’, possibly sentient Weirwood Tree, the pair concoct a plan involving:
✔ traps baited with moonshadow
✔ spleen-based snack technology
✔ and serious existential questions about marmot digestion.
It’s a story so tangled in time, Schrödinger’s coon trap gave up and took up taxidermy.
🪓🔥QUOTES FROM THE EPISODE:
“You don’t shoot a creature what’s seen the end o’ days an’ come back with a belly full o’ marmots.”
—Zenda “Double-Barrel Ciderbrain” Clemons
“She listens to the Weirwood. Knows every trail—an’ every when, too.”
—Old Clem, one eye squinty, both feet in the past
💬WHAT THE FOLKS ARE SAYIN’:
“Best use of beaver spleen in a time-travel allegory I’ve ever heard.” — Adirondack Paranormal Poultry Quarterly
“Finally someone’s tellin’ the truth about hoverin’ wagons.” — Jeb, Behind the Feed Store
🎧STREAM NOW WHEREVER QUALITY AUDIO FOG IS AVAILABLE:
🪕 Spotify | 🎻 Apple Podcasts | 📻 Wind-Radio on Channel 1912 | 🍂 Whispered into your left ear by a maple tree during eclipse season
HASHTAG THE PARADOX, SPREAD THE WEIRDWOOD:
#WhisperinWeirwood #TimeTwistinLynx #SteamboatDispatch #WindsOfWMountain #TrapItBackwards #ChronoCritters #LynxOfTomorrow #AdirondackAudioMysteries #MarmotOracle #HoverWagonTruthers #BackwoodsBroadcasts #TemporalSpleenCuisine
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Because Auntie Purl already knows if you don’t.
