Selfishness and self-centeredness can absolutely destroy a family's finances. On this episode of Wealth in the Fifth Dimension, I talked about how these traits can completely derail a family's financial plan. I posed a critical question: Is your family run like a democracy or a dictatorship? Do you make decisions together, involving everyone, or do you simply dictate what's going to happen?

I shared some of my own struggles in my marriage, which I think a lot of people can relate to. I realized that my wife and I came into our relationship with vastly different "stories and scripts" about money, and much of that stemmed from our upbringings. These differing perspectives can create a lot of misunderstandings and arguments. I've also witnessed this countless times with my clients on Wall Street. These deeply ingrained beliefs about money can lead to significant conflict, even divorce. Sometimes, we're not even conscious of these "scripts" influencing our behavior.

A major problem is that we're often unaware of the stories that are running our lives. We all carry these stories, frequently from childhood, that shape how we see the world. Even though we love our parents, some of the stories they passed down might not be beneficial. I, myself, even at 44, am still working on unlearning some of these. This can lead to conflicts in marriage and, naturally, financial difficulties.

So, how do we address this? We need to understand the stories that drive our lives, our family's lives, and our finances. Kids develop these stories too, influenced by peer pressure and consumerism. We need to transition from unsupportive frameworks to supportive ones. Sometimes, this connects to conditional versus unconditional love, and it even impacts financial decisions. For instance, someone might feel restricted from buying a particular car because their spouse will withhold love, which is conditional. These patterns can originate from childhood experiences.

Another incredibly important principle is moving from "my way" to "our way." A marriage simply cannot thrive if one person always makes all the decisions. Everyone's voice needs to be heard. This is especially crucial for financial decisions, such as spending versus saving or choosing vacation destinations. These types of issues can even be passed down to future generations.

I offered a five-step process that I'm currently working on with my own family: 1) Define the rules and expectations in your marriage. 2) Decide how you will solve problems when they inevitably arise. 3) Create a shared vision for your marriage. 4) Develop mission statements for yourself, your marriage, and your children. 5) Transition from individual missions to a shared "co-mission."

I emphasized the importance of a family mission statement and asked how not having one could impact your fitness, faith, family, and finances. I encourage everyone to seriously consider this question and reflect on how a shared mission could strengthen their family.