just poems episode 3 This podcast is best enjoyed with a cup of tea and today's tea is lavender Earl gray After Low What happens next is an after low Some people get an after glow A sort of high a renewed will to stay alive, or to survive After the stage has left I lose my pep I fall down My depression sea drowns My heart Pulls me apart like a drug I'm addicted to the moment before Keep running back for more Then I'll run away Because I got problems I put off for another day That sensation of its over and ending Wishing I could just break and not keep bending The world moves slow And I'm trapped in a feeling of low There is no escape or exit The lights of my mind are dim lit Everything is hollow and lonely There is nothing left of me What's going on in my head I feel like I'm suffocating in blankets of my bed I didn't leave it it just ended its over Because I crave the past moments of joy I can never be sober I don't need to drink or smoke When I'm on the stage I don't feel nervous or like I might choke Its just what happens after I'm put in such a damper Floating in the ocean on a raft Is that depression or just a draft In the air I don't think I even care It's a low No one knows I mask it with a smile and a pleasant attitude So people don't know my saddening mood Its an after low, you say no Don't feel the way you do If only you knew I cant control the way I feel I keep replaying the happy moments trying to make them real But its gone Like a band with a one hit wonder song I wish I could prove myself wrong And pick myself up and let the sadness go but I cant What a stupid rant Once everything is done Others will be filled with satisfaction like a contest they have won But me I watch that energy As it leaves every part of my soul Suddenly I'm dull void and null The moment of okay has taken its toll Some people get an after high While I just want to die I'm in an after low And you you look so good in your after glow. 2015 is The actor a poem for naomi The actor is not faint of heart Not a wanderer or a drifter They come on with purpose Moving forward knowing exactly where they are going The actor draws you in effortlessly The actor captures your eyes, leaving you utterly mesmerized Stealing your breathe for a moment The actor commands the stage for it's an arena The actor presents the arts we humans need to survive Take me on a journey dear actor Tell me a story only you know the words to I don't see you my dear actor I see this new person A stranger But suddenly I've come to love them This beautiful character They have charms and quarks, They are real A breathe You breathe passion and life A physical being has come to life Actors, they are souls of fire that demand things of our mind As audience it is our job to listen So open your ears my fellow audience members Dance with the actor's tale This next poem is called Perform I'd rather become deformed Than lose my ability to perform I need to stop destroying my body through intricate forms, I crave that stage, that anxiety filled haze The glowing lights that move my shadow to beige The after glow that puts me in a daze My body comes alive My spirit takes a dive Its freedom, I take control of my presence Yet its so easy to forget my essence The self loathing i have come to know well Has covered me in thorns that do begin to swell I wait for the audience to cheer Taking a bow stricken with fear The curtain begins to fall The question remains, is that all? But I was born to perform And i will die, the stage will not mourn Following artaud Listening to artaud At the scholars conference They talk sanely Of madness I pretend To be sane But I am demented Like our hero Following artaud Into the forbidden Where he lost himself In madness I strive for the infinite Possibilities Like the insane Thank you all for listening and if you would like to support this podcast or buy me a cup of tea You can at ko-fi.com/unwrittennat Tune in next time for more tea and poetry