LOST EPISODE: Microphone Inside Domed Grill During a Thunderstorm... Ambien
“Look hon! I’m using the grill.” This is a thunderstorm recording from under the dome of my (Weber Original) grill. The grill she gifted me on Father’s Day and I promptly pushed to the back corner of our yard because I am terrible at it.
Not as bad as the turkey scenes in Christmas Vacation, but close enough. The charred pieces are claimed by my wife (who likes overdone) and the rarer pieces get cut and passed to me (who only likes it that way) and the rest is disseminated amongst the kids.
Do I lose my man card for being terrible at grilling? Is that still a thing? I will never understand how outstanding outdoor cooks are maligned by some ridiculous notion that a man and grill will make magic sans practice. Perhaps that’s why all the grill masters I know won’t shut the **** up about grilling and how good they are at it. They must need to drown out the expectations that ordinary folks who can’t even cook inside will somehow be ****** Emeril Lagasse outside.
And I’m not invoking Emeril because I wanted to link to his 90s cooking Tonight Show. That dude is from (viva) Fall River, Massachusetts where the undercurrent of Americana and revolution still flow out to sea under the Bragga Jr. bridge (which feels less sinister since the cooling towers came down).
This slice of Southern New England paints visions of cannons being fired into bellies of British warships, “take that you ************* tax-loving sons of *******!”
Revolution! Americana! Visuals of a distressed eagle balancing arrows and olives as fireworks pop around it. Extruded stars and bunting and “**** yeah, dude!”
We should ditch the olives at this point, because, who are we kidding? Our bird should clasp a grilled hot dog. Just not a hot dog I grilled. That’ll be charred and half-exploded.
--this is a lost episode in that it should've run a month ago — I had published a more relaxing episode for July 4 (to cover for folks who wanted counter-programming to all the explosions happening outside their homes) and totally forgot to run this episode (which was my original July 4th episode)... whatever happy August 4th.