I had a seventeen-year-old teen come to me for some coaching. He was to meet his grandmom and sibling for a birthday lunch in the next town over. The grandma and he had a disagreement about three months ago and she hadn’t talked to him since then. The sibling and he rarely talked and when they did they frequently didn’t get along well. I asked him out of curiosity, why do you want to meet for this birthday lunch with your sibling given your past experience?



His reply was, I want my sibling to experience being loved. I invited him to write it down on a piece of paper. My intention is to have my sibling experience being loved. Then put that piece of paper in his wallet. He agreed. I asked him to repeat that intention and to remember that as he had lunch with his sibling and Grandma. I then asked him what will he do if his sibling says things that usually trigger him? What if they say something you don’t like or something confronting or makes you feel uncomfortable? I said if you respond how you usually do, defending yourself, will your sibling experience your intention. that they experience being loved? His answer was no. Then I said in that case you may not have a lot to say. You may not speak a lot during this luncheon. He responded with Oh! Then I continued and said your Grandmother sometimes says derogatory things to you correct? If you respond how you would normally respond will your sibling experience your intention of being loved? He said no. I said here is another reason you may not be speaking much during this lunch. He looked at me and said yes I can see that.



I requested that while he was at the luncheon he look at his intention for his sibling before he spoke. Then ask himself if I speak this will my sibling experience being loved, and if not then not to respond. He promised he would.



I was a bit apprehensive and I had to trust that whatever happened, it might be better than how it had been the last time they got together. I prayed that creating an intention and him asking himself before speaking, will what I say cause this intention? Would this create a different outcome for him?



We can’t always control what others do. With practice, we can control how we respond. First. it has to start with us creating an intention.



About three hours later this young man came home, kissed me on the back of my head, gave me a hug and went to his room. I was so relieved. obviously, his creating an intention worked. He didn’t want to talk about it except to say he had a good time. He got a taste of how he could respond differently and he could cause a different outcome.



When you are going into any situation, particularly where there is tension, a potential for disagreements, or adversity, it’s a good thing to look at what is your intention, what is the outcome you intend to happen, and then write it down.



You are responsible for your reactions, not theirs.



It’s amazing when we go into a situation and our intention is to be peaceful, loving or joyful. We can then be responsible and ask ourselves are these actions or inaction I’m taking going to cause this intention? Every morning you can create an intention to live into. The other morning I created the intention to be focused and productive. I noticed that as I was sitting on the toilet I checked out Facebook, and twenty-five minutes went by. I realized I was not focused and productive during that time. I got distracted. Because I had made an intention I was able to see I was not being focused and productive and get right back on track. Without creating intentions we can waste the day away.



What intention are you creating today?