In this heartfelt and practical conversation, Blake and Jamie dive deep into attachment science — exploring how our earliest relationships shape the way we connect, protect, and seek safety today. Drawing from both research and their own friendship, they unpack the four attachment styles — secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized — and describe them through vivid metaphors: the pasture, jungle, desert, and war zone.
They share personal stories of conflict and repair, offering a hopeful look at how awareness and compassion can help us move toward emotional safety. This episode is a guide to understanding your relational patterns and choosing connection over protection.
Takeaways
Your attachment style isn’t a flaw — it’s an adaptive strategy that once kept you safe.
Awareness is the first step, but healing happens in relationship.
Secure attachment (“the pasture”) is built through safety, consistency, and repair.
Avoidance, anxiety, and chaos are often just unhealed attempts to find connection.
The goal isn’t perfection; it’s movement toward honesty, empathy, and safety.
Resources
Embodied Faith by Jeff & Cyd Holsclaw – https://www.embodiedfaith.life/
Dr. Curt Thompson – Author and speaker on attachment & spiritual formation https://curtthompsonmd.com/attachment-theory-i/
Related Episodes:
Learn more about Three Percent:
Instagram – @threepercent.co
Chapters
(00:00) Welcome & Why We’re Talking About Attachment
(04:15) What Is Attachment Science?
(09:40) How Our Childhood Shapes Our Style of Connection
(14:30) The War Zone – Disorganized/Ambivalent Attachment
(18:50) The Jungle – Anxious Attachment
(23:10 )The Desert – Avoidant Attachment
(28:00) The Pasture – Secure Attachment
(31:45) Blake’s Story: Growing Up Without Emotional Safety
(36:20) Jamie’s Story: Learning to Stay Present in Conflict
(40:30) How Attachment Shows Up in Our Friendship
(44:10) The Role of Self-Regulation and Co-Regulation
(48:00) Moving Toward the Pasture: Repair and Connection
(53:00) How Faith and Attachment Intersect
(57:00) Final Reflections & Encouragement for the Week
Keywords
attachment, attachment theory, secure attachment, avoidant attachment, anxious attachment, disorganized attachment, emotional safety, friendship, faith, therapy, trauma healing, co-regulation, nervous system, parenting, relationships, vulnerability, holistic masculinity, Three Percent, mental health, emotional literacy, self-awareness, connection, neuroscience, grace, growth