In this episode of Yours Truly, I sit down with Nick—better known as Free Rilian—for a longform conversation about growing up in small-town Illinois, navigating revival culture, and trying to find God in the middle of depression, disappointment, and spiritual confusion.Nick shares his deeply personal story—from early days in a charismatic church and the soul-numbing pressures of purity culture, to chasing identity through performance, ministry, and eventually the promise of healing at Bethl’s School of Supernatural Ministry. Along the way, we talk about Jordan Peterson, fatherhood, the haunting beauty of old family land, and the surprising grace of Anglican liturgy.This isn’t a hot take. It’s a testimony. Honest, funny, raw, and full of the ache for something real.Timestamps:00:00 – Intro & Who is Free Rilian?03:20 – Growing up in revival-town Illinois06:45 – Pentecostal roots, prophetic women, and family salvation stories13:50 – The quiet wound of an absent father in church19:00 – Porn, shame, and the moralistic trap29:00 – “What if she breaks up with me?” – High school heartbreak and the descent34:00 – “God, I want to do this your way” – prayer and a slow climb back36:00 – Worship as David’s harp in the dark40:00 – Years at Bethl: chasing healing in the charismatic machine48:00 – Discovering Peterson, truth-telling, and deconstruction54:00 – Making the leap in a St. Louis restaurant58:00 – Working as a janitor, listening to every Peterson lecture1:03:00 – Sacraments, symbols, and the real presence of God1:08:00 – Why Nick became Anglican1:14:00 – Apostles Creed & Chill1:18:00 – Local life, home, family, and the death of small towns1:27:00 – On Midwest estuary and the TLC subculture1:32:00 – Holding onto land, family legacy, and resisting fragmentation1:40:00 – What we lose when everything becomes fair1:50:00 – From synths to sacraments: reclaiming tradition1:58:00 – Final reflectionsMentioned:– Jordan Peterson– Jonathan Pageau– Paul VanderKlay– Matt C– Bethel Redding / BSSM– Apostles Creed Bar & Chill– Midwestuary 2025https://www.midwestuary.com/📍 Stay connected:☕ Support the channel & become a member: youtube.com/@christianbaxter_yt/join🐦 Follow me on X: https://x.com/chrbaxter_yt🎧 Podcast on Spotify/Apple: The Yours Truly Podcast
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