This episode explore's how open expression is directly linked to trust and social connectedness. Humans are expert detectors of social safety and tend to be suspicious of those who hide their inner feelings, making people feel tense around them and more likely to avoid them. Individuals who openly express their emotions are perceived as more genuine and trustworthy, unlike those who suppress or mask them. Inhibited expression can lead to the sender feeling frozen, insincere, or masked, and being perceived as untrustworthy, stifled, or inauthentic, which can result in feeling depressed or anxious and being socially ostracized. Conversely, open expression, which involves openness and intentional self-disclosure, helps the sender feel safe and secure, and be perceived as trustworthy and genuine, fostering a sense of being socially connected. It is important to note that effective emotional expression always depends on the situation and does not imply uncontrolled venting or blaming others for one's emotions.

Revealing vulnerability is crucial for forming long-lasting intimate bonds. This transmits two powerful social signals: actively trusting others by not concealing true intentions and inner feelings, and acknowledging a common bond of human fallibility by sharing successes, secret doubts, fears, and past mistakes. True friendship, for instance, begins when two people are able to share not only their successes but also their secret doubts, fears, and past mistakes with each other.

The Match + 1 principle is a simple yet powerful technique for revealing personal information to foster closer relationships. This strategy involves mindfully listening to the other person's response and then matching or slightly exceeding their level of self-disclosure to go one level higher. The aim is to reveal personal details, genuine opinions, and emotions about oneself. It's crucial to remember that closeness takes time, and while the more you reveal, the more likely a person will reciprocate, you should not assume the other person will immediately respond similarly. Match + 1 specifically means revealing personal information about yourself, rather than asking personal questions about another person's life. The Match + 1 Intimacy Rating Scale (Handout 21.2) can be used to estimate the level of intimacy experienced in interactions.

A comprehensive approach to validation involves seven levels designed to communicate understanding and build connection. Level 1, Being Attentive, means using nonverbal signals to show care and interest, such as head nods, eyebrow wags, maintained eye contact, and open body posture. Level 2, Reflecting Back, involves simply repeating back what the other person said with humility. Level 3, Empathic Mind Reading, entails making helpful guesses about what the other person may be trying to communicate. Level 4, Based on Your History, signals understanding by referencing the person's background, biology, experience, or reactions. Level 5, Normalizing, communicates that anyone would behave similarly in the same situation. Level 6, Signalling Trust, involves genuinely revealing one's inner experience without blaming or trying to control the other person, and trusting the other person to be able to deal with that. This includes expressing genuine emotion and inner thoughts, taking responsibility for reactions, and openly revealing inner feelings even when they are negative. The final level, Level 7, Reciprocity, means matching the other person's level of emotional expression or vulnerability.