The Fallback Girl. Yup, that was me. Hopelessly devoted to Mr. Unavailable just waiting for him to realize I’m THE BEST THING he could hope for. I’m chill, adventurous, spontaneous, independent, somewhat successful (most of the time), I give him all the space he could ever need when he needs it and his friends like me. We have chemistry in and out of the bedroom and I’m out the door by 10am because I’ve got things to do that don’t include wearing out my welcome. What’s not to like? The answer- nothing. He’s just “Not ready for a relationship”. I had convinced myself that I wasn’t ready for a traditional relationship either and that it didn’t bother me. But deep down….it did. I just lied to myself ALOT and continued to let my ego get bruised by Mr. Unavailable until one day I had enough.  

After my epiphany moment, I did what any person should do when trying to change and began reading articles, blogs and books and listening to audiobooks and podcasts on relationships, love and dating. I dove inward to my own emotions and thought processes on WHY I behaved this way and made notes and mental lists. I refused to continue to be “The Fall Back Girl”, my time and love are worthy of being valued. 

I took the first step and admitted I had a problem. Admitted the men I was involved in were going nowhere and cut the emotional chord. I decided to close up shop and become celibate for an undetermined amount of time in order to heal sexually and emotionally. No matter how sexually liberated I feel that I am, I get emotionally attached to a man when we start having a regular “thing’. It’s the way I’m built and there’s no use in denying it. I also vowed to date more, to date outside of my normal “type” and to go on dates that didn’t involve a bar. I vowed to be more up front with my expectations without fear, and if that person wasn’t with it then less time wasted by us both. 

What are my expectations? I needed to know that too. I’m not dating to rack up my body count (i.e. gain new sexual partners), I’m dating in the hopes to find someone who wants to be more than just fuck buddies. Will it last forever? Who knows. Do I want to get married? Not anytime soon….been there, done that. I don’t want any more children. I’d like the possibility to build something with someone that’s beautiful. I want to travel, share memories, and help each other become more successful. Maybe move in together and have a two income household eventually. Double date and go to weddings and family functions together. I want to have something others look at and see that there is hope out there, that love actually exists. 

I’m not just doing this for me. I’m doing this for my daughter so she can learn healthy relationship boundaries. I’m doing it for all the other people out there who are done being the Fallback Person. I’ll share what I’ve learned, stories from others and myself along the way (the good, bad and ugly), and hopefully we’ll all have a happy ending as a result. GOOD LUCK to us all!!!