Liam and her wife, Carrie, have been trying to have a baby for about a year. In the beginning, there was a romanticized feeling about what it would be like to conceive. The experience was intimate, sensual, and brought the couple closer together. Month after month of unsuccessful attempts to get pregnant shifted the experience from joy to misery. As the one who would be pregnant, Liam never anticipated the dysphoria, dissociation, and trauma of having to put sperm, or “the material”, inside her body. She and her wife also didn’t anticipate the emotional toll it would take on their relationship. They both grieved each failed attempt together, but differently. With the support of a couple’s therapist, Liam and her wife were able to take a moment to reevaluate themselves and their relationship values. This has helped them let go of expectations and understand that no matter what happens in the future, their love for each other matters most.
Liam Martz is a 29-year-old white, queer, femme lesbian. She is a certified birth, postpartum, and full-spectrum doula and childbirth educator. Liam has a background as a sexual health educator, a certified medical assistant, a state reproductive policy activist, and a project leader for inclusive medical facilities.
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