This episode is a balm for anyone who has ever felt broken, guilty, or “not enough” because they don’t initiate seggs or feel desire spontaneously. If that’s you, you’re not alone — and you are not broken.
This week, I open a deeply healing conversation about responsive desire: what it is, why it’s normal, and how to reclaim your pleasure and power within it. If you’ve ever felt like something was wrong with you for not wanting sex "out of the blue," this conversation is for you.
You’ll hear about:
✨ What responsive desire is and why it’s incredibly common, especially in long-term relationships
✨ Why you don’t need to feel desire in order to have deeply pleasurable, sacred seggs
✨ How centering pleasure over performance can change your sex life forever
✨ The healing power of slowing down, de-centering penetration, and cultivating safety
✨ Communication, consent, and the tender repair process when mismatched desire arises
✨ What to do if you're feeling shut down, disconnected, or afraid your partner doesn’t understand
This episode is the first in a two-part series, so stay tuned for next week’s conversation for partners of those with responsive desire.
If this episode resonates, please share it, especially with anyone who needs the reminder that desire is a response, not a requirement.
📍 Mentioned in this episode:
Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski
The Erotic Blueprints by Jaiya
✨ Plus, if you're longing for support with this tender dynamic, you can book a one-off 1:1 session with me to work through it together. Reach out via Instagram @healwithsaraholivia or through the contact form at saraholivia.com.
Want to know more about The Sacred Partnership Portal? Click here!
Chapters
00:00 Celebrating Love and Life's Uncertainties
03:44 Understanding Responsive vs. Spontaneous Desire
08:58 The Importance of Communication in Relationships
14:13 Reclaiming Pleasure Over Desire
22:09 Navigating Consent and Boundaries
31:09 Recap and Looking Ahead
32:56 Outro.mp4