Spencer and Misti, with listener contributions, explore a challenging topic for those who have loved ones grappling with addiction: cutting or limiting contact. We hare personal stories and insights about creating and respecting boundaries to protect our emotional well-being. Whether it's temporary, permanent, or situational, the act of establishing boundaries with friends or family members struggling with addiction can be one of the most difficult decisions we make.



Understanding the Need for Boundaries



Many of us who have relationships with individuals affected by alcoholism find ourselves struggling with how much contact is beneficial for everyone involved. In this process, awareness of our own needs is important. For some, this means setting boundaries to protect themselves from the emotional chaos. Others find that initially cutting contact allows them the space needed to heal and reevaluate the possibility of future interactions.



Personal Experiences of Creating Boundaries



Misti B shared her experience with family members whose alcoholism made it impossible for her to remain in contact without severe emotional distress. She talked about her journey from trying to “love them into loving me” to finally understanding the need for healthy boundaries that allowed her personal healing. For her, the decision to limit contact with her mother and niece, although painful, was crucial for her own recovery.



Spencer reflects that boundaries are not rigid ‘walls' but flexible guidelines that can change with circumstances. This flexibility allows us to reassess our capacity to engage with a loved one who might be in a troubled state, ensuring we do not overextend ourselves or jeopardize our serenity.



Listeners shared their stories and insights about how setting boundaries impacted their lives:




* Ben needed to set boundaries with his stepmother to protect his own family’s well-being. This led to her distancing herself from him. He said, “So this is, sadly, for the best.”



* Mary explained her unspoken boundary with her father, choosing not to engage with him during times he may be intoxicated. This decision has allowed her to maintain a limited, more peaceful connection on terms she finds acceptable.



* David described the emotional complexity of having his child cut contact with him. Although pained by this, he found some relief from the constant anxiety and conflict their interactions used to cause.



* Ashley shared how she temporarily cut contact with her father as a symbolic stand during a tumultuous time. She later reconciled, and through program teachings, learned to assess her own readiness before engaging with him, thereby protecting her serenity.




Redefining Relationships



The episode captures the essence of why and how we must establish personal limits in relationships affected by addiction. By turning inward and gauging our emotional readiness and capacity, we can determine the extent of our interactions. It is about prioritizing our mental health while extending kindness and understanding when possible.



The boundaries we set vary greatly with our circumstances, but the underlying principle remains consistent: boundaries are vital for self-preservation and recovery.



Readings and Links



We read from Courage to Change, p. 22 (January 22).



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