The journey of recovery is unique for each individual and couple. In this episode, we explore the 12 step program of Recovering Couples Anonymous (RCA). 



Recovery in Al-Anon and RCA



Valerie begins by sharing her past, which is marked by a failed first marriage filled with addiction and legal challenges. Her journey into recovery began with Al-Anon in 2019, following a deteriorating relationship with her current husband due to alcoholism. The move towards RCA was catalyzed by a therapist who recommended they explore the program to improve communication and work towards healing. This came during a time when Valerie had made significant steps towards divorcing her husband.



Initially skeptical, Valerie committed to RCA despite her reluctance, gradually discovering the potential of the program to transform her marriage. With RCA, she learned to address shared issues collectively, taking responsibility for her role in the coupleship, while also emphasizing the importance of personal recovery.



Spencer notes that the 12 steps in RCA are tailored to address the unique dynamics of couples, shifting from individual recovery to a focus on joint healing and responsibility. He is struck by the gradual transformation that comes with consistent practice of the steps and engaging with the RCA community. The couple's sharing in meetings and service roles illustrates the significant parallel between RCA and other 12-step programs, where carrying the message of recovery to others fosters further growth and healing.



For Valerie and many couples in RCA, the program has meant confronting deeply held fears and resentments, leading to profound personal and shared revelations. Valerie shares that these revelations facilitated the repair of her family dynamics, creating a harmonious environment for herself, her husband, and their adult children.



Tools and Practices



Valerie emphasizes several tools and practices that have been pivotal in their recovery journey. Key practices include calling meetings of two for open communication, establishing financial agreements to tackle sensitive topics, and leveraging safety guidelines to ensure respectful and productive interactions. Valerie highlights the significance of collectively working the steps and consistently practicing new tools in their coupleship.



Conclusion



Valerie and her husband’s journey through RCA reflects its power to support recovery as a couple. She advocates for RCA as a transformative tool for any couple seeking to restore commitment and intimacy. By embracing the 12 steps of RCA, they can continue to break the chains of familial dysfunction, experiencing recovery as a couple and transforming not only their relationship but also extending this healing to their families.



Readings and Links



We read from the book, Recovering Couples Anonymous, subtitled A Twelve-Step Program For Couples, pp. 39-40, p. 58, and p.55.



The 12 Steps of RCA are avaiable online.



Valerie also read an excerpt from Courage to Change, p. 191, July 9.



Angelina read excerpts from the book Kinsey and Me, by Sue Grafton. (Note: We receive a small commission when you buy through this Amazon link.)



Beth read an excerpt from the Al-Anon book Having Had a Spir...