Anxiety is a piece of work. It feeds on fears and insecurities. It is the main course at the dinner table. It is also the appetizer and dessert. Anxiety is like cookie monster, constantly whispering "feed me" (said in a gruff, cookie monster voice).Sometimes it can feel easier to feed the beast than to fight it off. When we live with something for a period of time, it becomes part of who we are. I'll use the example of my hair. From as young as I can remember, I have been complimented on my hair. So much so that it became a huge piece of my identity. It was what made me pretty.Then cancer came along and I lost my hair.The fear of losing my entire self-identity was overwhelming. Until I lost my hair and was forced to re-assess who I was, I leaned so heavily on its weighted definition of self-worth that I created for myself that I really did not think I had anything to give without it. The year of no hair lead to a year of newness and self-discovery. So much so that I did a TEDx presentation about it.I'm taking you on a bit of a scenic route to get to my point, which is that much like my hair, anxiety becomes the piece of ourselves that we cling to because it is certain in our life.We often walk around thinking that we only attach to things that are good.  This is simply not true. In fact, if you listened to my latest podcast about Negativity Bias, you will understand that we have a genetic predisposition to look for the negative (a link to this episode is at the end of this post).But still, why would we attach to something that is so visibly wreaking havoc? Because it's comfortable, that's why. To read more about this theory of anxiety being comfortable, and about the habit of anxiety, read The Order of a Mental DisorderWe identify with being anxious. Others may not use the term anxious to describe us, but they use words like:WorrierA-Type PersonalityControllingIrritableRestlessWhen you are told you are a certain way for a long enough period of time, you begin to lean into that definition.Once you have defined ourselves as anxious, it becomes difficult to be anything else. I get it, you don't want to be anxious. Who does? But for something to be different, the fear of change has to be less than the fear of staying the same.Remember, anxiety feeds on fear. People with anxiety generally don't like change. Therefore, a+b=c. In other words, the fear of taking steps necessary to manage anxiety can induce more fear than continuing to live with it.The fear of change has to be less then the fear of staying the same If you really want to manage your anxiety, you are going to have to take some steps in a very uncomfortable direction.First StepBelieve that it is possible to live in a world where you can manage your anxiety. Notice I did not say live in a world free of anxiety. Promises of life without anxiety are made by people who have never experienced it. As a fellow anxiety-sufferer, I can tell you for certain that it is not possible to erase anxious thoughts from your life. But it IS possible to incorporate tools that will help you to manage it. I know because I have lived it. I am living it. I will continue to live with anxiety. What I refuse to live with anymore is its death grip on me.YourContentHereSecond StepFlip the script on your messaging to yourself. I talk about this a lot in most of my posts and on my podcast. It's not because I have nothing else to say and am trying to fill up space. I mention it frequently because it is the single most important thing you can do.  Self-talk seems easy, but when we have a lifetime of telling ourselves negative messages, it takes a lot to untrain the brain.Whenever you catch yourself using negative or absolute words,