Nelson Mandela once said, “It always seems impossible until it’s done.” I know few people who embody that quote more than Bear Grylls. This is the fourth and final part of my key takeaways from the 2019 Global Leadership Summit.



I hope you have enjoyed listening to these episodes as much as I have enjoyed recording them! I’ve tried to keep them simple, short, and practical. My intent is always to make valuable use of your time. If it’s crap, you should shut it off and I should shut it down. Fortunately, there was a massive amount of content from the Global Leadership Summit.



Bear Grylls



If you don’t know who Bear Grylls is, let me give you an idea. A former member of the British Special Forces, Grylls has climbed Everest, crossed the Arctic Ocean in an inflatable boat and starred in his Emmy-nominated TV show Man Vs Wild (which became one of the most-watched programs on the planet with an estimated audience of 1.2 billion).



He also hosts NBC’s hit show Running Wild with Bear Grylls as well as groundbreaking series on National Geographic, Netflix and Amazon. He is a number one best-selling author and has sold over 15 million books. These include his autobiography Mud, Sweat and Tears, and this year a powerful new book on faith called: Soul Fuel.



Not As It Appears



If you know who Bear is, then you know him for all his successes. They are astounding. Just watch a single episode of Man vs. Wild and you’ll capture a glimpse of his incredible sense of survival. But Bear is more than the sum total of his many successes.



His humility is equally astounding. In my notes, I titled his session Learnings from the Valleys, Battles, and Struggles. I don’t recall if that was his title – but I suspect it was. Often, when we see the end result, we gloss over the difficult road one must travel to their destiny.



I knew Bear was British Special Forces. What I didn’t know was that he didn’t make the six-month cut. So, as you can imagine, he was gutted. Man, you don’t have to be special forces to feel the pain that happens when you fall short. Especially when you have spent massive time and energy to achieve an outcome that is alluding you.



More Failures Than Successes



As is often the case, his pain became his progress. So please, PLEASE, listen closely to what he said. Bear said he had far more failures than successes. What’s your response to failure? Because how you answer this question very well could determine your destiny. Failure is a part of your journey.



Because of this, Bear says that there are no shortcuts to your goals that avoid failure. Think about this for a moment. You will never experience fulfillment without hard work, but hard work is no guarantee that you will succeed. Harsh, but true.



Nothing More To Give



He said that your reaction to failure is important because life doesn’t always reward the brilliant or talented – and I would add that it doesn’t always reward your hard work. Just the opposite at times and you know what I mean if you have ever been kicked in the teeth for doing the right thing.



Bear was saying that during Special Forces training you literally encounter points where you have nothing more to give.

As you probably already know, this is Part Three of a series on my key takeaways from the 2019 Global Leadership Summit. I said that I would follow up with a summary of the leadership tips that I picked up during the August event and man, there was a lot to try to summarize for you! My intent was to only share the most practical and applicable points – those things you could take and then put to use immediately.



Today’s episode captures my attention (and my heart!) just like it did almost five months ago during the Global Leadership Summit. I’ll do my best to convey these points with the same conviction that I felt when they were made to me. This is probably one of the most difficult because I have so much respect for his wisdom and insight.



A Global Leadership Summit Treasure



Patrick Lencioni is the author of eleven best-selling books. I hope you’ve heard of them and I hope they are on your shelf! The Five Dysfunctions of a Team should be read by every serious leader. And if you are looking for help with disengaged team members, take a look at The Truth About Employee Engagement.



Dedicated to providing organizations with ideas, products and services that improve teamwork, clarity and employee engagement, Pat’s leadership models serve a diverse base from Fortune 500 companies to professional sports organizations to churches. Let’s get to the content and fill your head with some great thoughts that are sure to provoke growth!



Too Many People Have Influence



Pat’s session starts with a comment that on the surface is rather humorous. But like all great jokes, there is more than a smidgen of truth in it. What he said was that a lot fewer people in the world should become a leader. Then he went on to say that a lot of people in the world have influence…and probably shouldn’t!



That candor is classic Lencioni and I find that frankness refreshing. At the same time, it can be disturbing because Pat isn’t talking to others…he’s talking to me! How often do we completely miss valuable content because we’re sitting there thinking “wow, this is great for (fill in the blank) to hear!” or “(fill in the blank) should really listen to this!”



Why Are You Leading?



That’s the point: Pat is asking you to evaluate what you have to offer others. What’s at the center of why you are leading? Don’t you think that’s an appropriate question for attendees of the global leadership summit…you know, a room full of leaders? He says there are only two reasons:



* To do whatever you need to do to serve the people you need to, or* For rewards like attention, status, or power



Can you answer that question for yourself right now? Why are you leading? It’s important to answer it honestly because if you don’t, you might be disappointed with your results…and you could disappoint others as well. If you are willing to serve others, to meet their needs, then your perspective shifts from what benefits you to what benefits others.



Think about how many responsibilities you have as a leader that will never be rewarded. If you are motivated by the reward, then your performance is going to diminish. How often have you thought that leadership is a sacrifice? I’m guilty – I’ve probably even said it in so many words...

Back in August, I attended the 2019 Global Leadership Summit and I said that I would follow up with a summary of the leadership tips that I picked up during the event. While there was so much great content, I’m only able to pick my key takeaways and share them with you in a handful of shorter episodes over the next several weeks. Each episode contains tips that you can put to use immediately. This is Part Two.



The takeaways from this second episode come from Danielle Strickland. If you don’t know who Danielle is, she is a pastor, author, and justice advocate. Having spent 22 years as an officer in the Salvation Army, she is an Ambassador for Stop The Traffik. Her calling is to empower people to transform the world.



Leaders Don’t Just Survive Change



I’ve heard Danielle speak several times and she always brings a powerful principle. This session of the Global Leadership Summit was no different! She led with this: leaders don’t just survive change – they thrive in change.



Think about the difference. Imagine this: you run towards what others fear. If it causes the crowd to panic, you grab control. Can you recall a time when you stepped up or into what others had abandoned? In my opinion, change is often responsible for driving away those who are more comfortable managing than leading.



Your Life Is Like A Tree



There are so many analogies that others use to give us a different perspective on life. Danielle says that our life is a lot like a tree, specifically, it’s like a fruit tree. I’ve always liked this particular analogy because it requires examination.



I want to take a quick aside here. If you are a great leader, you understand the value of not just introspection, but also extrospection. They are important because they impact the point that Danielle is making. Do you regularly take time to think about you?



Introspection is understanding my emotions, circumstances, and cumulative knowledge. Extrospection would be knowing how this will impact my reaction (potential or actual) to events. As a result, you can think of the combination of these two factors as the reflection that allows you to evaluate why you do/feel what you do/feel. Furthermore, this enables you to see the proverbial writing on the wall and alter undesired behavior before it occurs.



Inspect Your Fruit



So, Danielle says that we must confront bad tasting fruit on our tree. She goes on to say that our actions produce the fruit. Fair enough. But where do the actions come from? Our values. Because our values are connected to our behavior, she says that we have to look at our roots to understand our values.



Where are the roots? Most of the time, they are hidden from view and underground. We have a tree in our front yard that is a little more than a year old. When they planted that tree, they put a post for support. But you don’t leave that post in the ground indefinitely, do you?! No! Why? Because if you do, the roots won’t go deep and allow the tree to not only grow, but to stand in adverse conditions.



Danielle describes our roots as deeply held beliefs that feed our tree. Now if you have bad fruit, what do you think that means? Obviously, you better take a look at your roots. What do you believe? Why do you believe that?



Similar to the point Danielle is making,

Back in August, I attended the 2019 Global Leadership Summit and I said that I would follow up with a summary of the leadership tips that I picked up during the event. While I’d love to share it all with you, I’m going to pick my key takeaways and share them in a handful of shorter episodes over the next several weeks. These will be tips that I believe you can put to use immediately. This is Part One.



The takeaways for this first episode come from Craig Groeschel. Craig is a pastor, podcaster, speaker, and New York Times bestselling author. He’s also the global champion for the Global Leadership Summit. This episode is dedicated to the value bombs he dropped during his opening session. So let’s get started!



Everyone Wins When The Leader Wins



Everyone wins when the leader gets better. So simple, and so true. Leaders make things happen and every leader must focus on making a way for those around them to improve. A rising tide lifts all ships. You will never regret investing in yourself or others. And PLEASE, stop waiting for someone else to invest in your growth. Take that responsibility for yourself.



Next, was a concept that will be hard to describe without you seeing what I’m talking about. Imagine a graph with QUALITY on the Y-axis (the vertical axis) and COST on the X-axis (the horizontal axis). Now, imagine starting in the left-hand corner of that graph and drawing 60% of a frown. So you start up and to the right, but it starts to slope back down to the right. This graphic represents diminishing returns. What it means is that initially, and early-on, your investment (think in terms of dollars or time) will produce movement up the QUALITY axis.



Diminishing Returns



Eventually though, you reach a point where continuing to invest will not only no longer improve the quality, but it actually reduces the quality! Think of it in terms of writing a blog post. Let’s say it takes you an hour to produce something half-way decent. After another hour, the quality of the content is good enough to publish on your website. If you spent another hour on it, you might be able to improve the quality by an additional 5%, but spending more time is only going to provide fractional increases in quality.



GETMO



Craig’s point is that our job as leaders is to understand where the inflection point is on the curve. In other words, where does the graph start to curve the wrong way (diminishing returns)? Often, we get to a point where further revision damages the quality rather than improving it. He uses a clever acronym that he calls GETMO as a reminder not to keep pushing towards diminishing returns. What does GETMO stand for you might ask?



* Good* Enough* To* Move* On



You’ve heard it before: perfection is often the enemy of progress. Maximize your investment and generate as much return as possible without going down the curve of diminishing returns.



Bend That Curve



I love this next thought: Craig asks us to consider how we can bend the curve up so that we obtain higher quality for the same cost. Think about the blog example again. After you’ve been practicing for a while with your writing, it’s likely that you can produce blog content that is of a higher quality for the same time investment. You have essentially bent the curve up. It’s powerful – you’re getting a higher retur...

I know this happens to you at times. You hear something, and then you hear it multiple times and all of a sudden, you recognize that you need to sit up and pay attention! That happened to me recently. It started with a simple reminder: consistency is foundational to our effectiveness. But it didn’t end there – I heard it multiple times in a matter of a couple of days. I knew it was time that we revisited the topic of consistency together. And it wasn’t just consistency. It was connected to the difficulty of things worthwhile.



Consistency: Critical Trait For Great Leaders



Here’s my fear and I know it’s a bit irrational. My fear is that once I dedicate an episode or two to a specific topic, I fear that you might tire of hearing it again. Truly, I’ve got a special place in my heart for consistency. I know how important this trait is in great leaders.



I dedicated a couple of episodes to it: LTL 052: Why Consistency Is King and LTL 087: The 180-Degree Leader And The Power Of Consistency were released in 2018. Both more than a year ago.



But you heard me say recently that a message has to be repeated as many as nine times for it to take hold and make a difference. And I heard this point about consistency no less than four times 48 hours along with another critical point: John Maxwell recently said on his podcast that everything worthwhile is uphill. There are no shortcuts or easy paths to things we currently, or eventually will come to, cherish.



So, because this topic is super important, I’m going to spend a few minutes unloading a massive amount of value in a short period of time.



Don’t worry – all of this is in the show notes and you’ll be able to check it out on markslemons.com. Don’t try to write it down. Today, I want you to think about the words I’m saying. And then I want you to think about what it means to put them into practice in your life. I want you to visualize implementing what you are hearing/learning. Some of this is not new, but all of it will change your life if implemented.



Make Sure You Are Repeating Right Actions



First, what do you think of when I say consistency? You can be consistently bad at something and it will likely wreck your results. To clarify, doing the same thing over and over doesn’t produce great results when it’s the wrong thing over and over. Aristotle said, “…virtues are formed in man by his doing the right actions.” Our success is based on establishing a regular routine of practicing our habits…specifically, the good habits.



Eric Holtzclaw wrote an article for Inc. back in 2012 where he formed five rules around consistency. His first rule? Measure the results. Is what you’re doing consistently moving the needle?



Measure Results



Don’t judge it too early or too late. He recommends waiting for at least six months to evaluate the effectiveness of your habit. Sometimes it’s a matter of making simple changes versus a complex over...

Isn’t it awesome when you run into validation for a perspective unexpectedly, especially when it’s from an authority that you respect? As you know, I’m a proponent of not allowing others to control my future due to unforgiveness. Episodes 136 and 137 were dedicated to the issue of resentment and the problems it causes us as leaders when we don’t resolve it. It can sometimes lead to a controversy regarding forgiveness.



So I came across a post from someone who I admire greatly in the LinkedIn community. I always read his comments because he strikes me as well-balanced, genuine, with a high degree of integrity. His name is Mark A. Smith and he’s a speaker, writer, editor, and Sr VP of Sales at Frontpoint. He was commenting on a question that had been posted to Liz Ryan who is the Founder and CEO of Human Workplace, also an author.



So here’s the question posted to Liz:



Q. My ex-boss from two jobs ago sent me a connection invitation on LinkedIn, with a long note gushing about what a great coworker I was. Spare me. He was horrible to me. I quit without having another job. I guess he is job hunting. That’s the only reason he would reach out to me.



What should I do? I’m not going to connect to him. He did not apologize for or even acknowledge the brutal way he treated me.



Before I give you Liz’s response, I want you to put yourself in this person’s shoes. A horrible manager that drove you to quit your job seems to be “making nice” and wants to connect – no apology for the past. What would you do?



It’s easy to be overly simplistic because it didn’t happen to us. Maybe think about something painful that did happen to you. What if it was that person? Could you operate in forgiveness with them?



Frankly, Liz’s response surprised me. Here’s her answer:



A. Ghost him. You are not responsible for checking your LinkedIn inbox on anybody else’s timetable, or at all. Many if not most evil bosses have amnesia when they run into you years later. They remember what a great coworker you were, but forget what a snarling beast they were.



So Mark typically calls a spade a spade and doesn’t hide his feelings. Here’s what he said in a comment to Liz’s post:



This is atrocious advice. The strong act. The weak are acted upon. Forgiveness is the supreme act. Forgiving freely shows tremendous mental and emotional fortitude and takes away any power that negativity once had over you. Forgiveness is merciful to the offender and redeeming to the offended. He may not have known how brutal he was. If you are a powerful person, you won’t be afraid to tell him. Doing so maybe his chance to change, and that kind of change can have far-reaching implications in the lives of anyone he impacts. If he’s still a jerk, well, you tried. Your hands will be clean.



Years ago in the mortgage industry I had a truly terrible regional boss (my direct boss was terrific). He was condescending, added stress to my life, and never helped me once. A few years later, after the crash, he reached out to me.

Have you ever blown it? I knew it…you are! I tell people all the time that those who listen to my podcast are perfect – they don’t need me because they don’t struggle with human things! Ha! If only that were true. It’s hard to talk about being humble because media often represents humility as weakness.



Regardless of your political leanings or affections, have you ever seen a less humble man than President Trump? Actually, I have. To clarify, the world is littered with arrogant and unapologetic men and women.



Humility is strength. It’s the ability to admit when you’re wrong and to identify or admit your flaws or shortcomings. But taken to an unhealthy extreme, it can lead to shame. And we must avoid shame.



I’ve never been a fan of the saying “Shame on you.” And that’s because shame identifies with worthlessness or being unworthy. It’s due to how shame makes you feel. Shame makes you want to hide your face or run away. It’s feeling like the exposure will guarantee that no one will ever want anything to do with you again. Ever. So, is that how you want (or how you want others!) to feel?



People often contend with shame by attacking themselves or attacking others. And can you blame them? Have you seen how injured animals behave? I’m not saying people are animals but I am saying that feeling cornered and hurt, lashing out shouldn’t be unexpected. Similarly, you’ve heard the saying that hurt people hurt people. Shame built part of that foundation.



Who’s hurting in your world? Do you see them? Do you notice them? Are you connecting with them or do you avoid them? Each living, breathing human has inherent worth. Not just you and me, but all those we disagree with as well. Not just the ones that look like us or think like us, but even the ones who rub us the wrong way!



I guess what I’m asking you today is whether you can practice humility, laugh at your mistakes or yourself, deal with the embarrassing missteps we all make and prevent the slide into shame? As leaders, we get to set the example. It’s our job to show people how to lead with strength even when we’ve made mistakes.



Because humility isn’t only required when experiencing mistakes, I want to share with you a few examples of humility in action when experiencing success. Success isn’t always what it appears to be. Consequently, neither the journey or the amount of effort is accurately represented.



I heard Dave Ramsey say one time how misguided people are when assessing his success. During an EntreLeadership podcast episode, he described the mountain top of success as literally just standing on the top of all my failures. Dave said that he refused to let his failures bury him.



In spite of failure, you have to keep digging deeper to find, and hold onto, that determination that you will come out on top! But this is true for all successful people. We just don’t see it as clearly.



So, sometimes humility shows up when we acknowledge that our success isn’t at all how it appears to others. And it’s noteworthy to point out the possibility that this is not success at all! Have you heard the analogy of climbing the ladder of success only to find it was leaning against the wrong wall? Is it possible that because of success, you lost things that were far more valuable than the prize you were pursuing?...

I’m excited about today’s episode. Last week, in Episode 136, I talked about why leaders can’t afford the high cost of resentment. Well, today I’m going to show you how to move past resentment to take control of your future.



Initially, you might be wondering why this matters. It’s a reasonable question. Furthermore, it would appear that many people have used resentment as a form of motivation. Instead of getting past resentment, it seems that storing it up fueled their success.



Surprisingly, this doesn’t work out the way you might think. Imagine that one person who you have always sought approval from – the one who you looked up to, admired, or revered the most. The one who you dreamed of getting a “great job” or an “I’m proud of you” or an “I love you” and truly meant it when they said it.



Instead, that one told you that you would never amount to anything. That one crushed your spirit verbally, emotionally, and physically. That one not only made you feel worthless but also made sure to point out every single action you took that validated their assessment of you: worthless.



Listen to me: no amount of achievement, whatever that looks like to you, will remove the sting of those words. As a result, no amount of money, accolades, trophies, recognition, or publicity can make up for what you wanted to hear from that person. It’s because you are designed to be relational. The other stuff is secondary – I didn’t say it doesn’t matter; I’m saying that people matter and how they behave toward us matters.



Because no matter how much fuel you have to stoke the fire of performance and achievement, you are actually allowing someone else to control your future. And that fuel is inexhaustible. In other words, you will never reach a level of performance that you can look back and say, “There – now I know I’m valuable to you. Or “There, now I know you will love me.”



Why? Because you can’t control what someone else does, says, or thinks as a result of your actions. If that person that you can’t please dies tomorrow, are you done living because now you have no one to prove wrong? Of course not. What I’m advocating is that there’s a better way. But you will have to move past resentment to take back control of your future. So trust me, you have a future worth living!



So to break it down, I’m going to summarize parts of a brilliant post written 10 years ago by James J. Messina. The title of the post is Handling Resentment. If this doesn’t help you to move past resentment, then I want you to let me know.



First, what is it? How can we define resentment? We need to know what it looks like if we are going to move past resentment. Consider the following:



* harboring animosity against a person or group of people whom I feel has mistreated me* anger over a negative event earlier in life that I have not taken time to resolve* seething, aching, emotional turmoil I feel whenever a certain person is present or a past event comes up in discussion* feeling unjustly ...

It’s usually not my intention to allow the introduction to direct the content for a podcast, but I felt like that needed to happen today. I want to share a couple of stories with you that are examples of why leaders can’t afford the high cost of resentment.



And while this might be a little longer than usual, I think it’s important because I want to give you an example of what I’m talking about. After a meeting this week, I wanted to grab a few mins at the gym before heading home. So, I jumped in the truck and headed toward the gym. At the intersection where the gym is located, there had been a serious accident. Several vehicles were on tow trucks and one of them facing the wrong direction toward oncoming traffic. So obviously it was significant.



Even as I’m telling you this, my heart goes out to the people who were involved. I don’t know if you’ve ever had an accident, but it’s a terrible feeling – especially if you caused it! There were people traumatized sitting on the sidewalk being attended to by emergency personnel. Shell-shocked is a good way to describe the scene with many tears. I don’t expect this was done on purpose and whether texting, running a light, or distracted by someone in the car, or a favorite song on the radio, it’s likely that someone regrets a moment of inattention to the most important thing we can do while driving: drive!



So I couldn’t reach the gym because they were redirecting traffic. I turned right, went up a couple of blocks, and made a u-turn. In the midst of all of this, I had not realized that there was also road construction happening right before that intersection as well.



So I make my u-turn and they have barriers set up to direct traffic into a single lane (it’s a three-lane road) while they are working on spot paving repairs for two of the lanes. There’s a break in the barriers so it looks like I can turn right out of this left-hand lane into the parking lot for the center where my gym is located.



So I pass some of the road construction equipment and cross through the break in the barrier ONLY TO REALIZE THAT THE ENTRANCE HAS FOUR CONES ACROSS IT PREVENTING ACCESS! Man, I’m in a mess now. I can’t get back out to the left lane I was in. There’s construction in front of me and behind me.



Additionally, there are two or three cars behind me trying to do the same thing I’m doing! At this point, I know that I made a big mistake. So I do the only thing I can. I get out of the truck and move two cones so I can enter the parking lot. I didn’t put the cones back because I knew the other couple of cars were coming in behind me.



By the way, did I mention how foolish I felt at this instant? Major OOPS! As I’m getting back into the truck, I see one of the road construction guys and I can see he’s pretty upset. I can’t hear him, but I see him on the bucket loader throwing his hands up in the air like “what the heck are you doing idiot?” So I yelled “Sorry!” and then pulled in and parked.



Now I could have left it there. But instead, I made the incredibly long walk back across the parking lot to the area where they were working. The cones were back in place (I suspect one of the crew took care of that). I saw the guy on the bucket loader and approached. I was able to explain that I didn’t realize the entrance was closed and offered my apology again....

In the previous episode, I was able to share some of the experiences that shape who I am. This isn’t Part Two of that discussion. Yet I recognize that I didn’t offer any explanation for how those unique aspects about me impact my approach to leadership. So, today is my opportunity to do that as I talk about four solid principles supporting team growth.



You likely already know some of this, especially long-time listeners of the podcast. As a result, you will have to resist the temptation to zone out. Stay engaged, because there is some significance here that I haven’t had an opportunity to share with you before.



Why Do This?



People will sometimes ask me why I do the podcast. You know that I’m passionate about leadership. I want you to be a great leader and I want to improve my leadership skills. So how do I do that?



Consequently, it’s not an accident. As with anything you value, you will certainly discover the need for intention and purpose. Like most of you, I had moments where I was profoundly impacted by a high-quality leader. You know the kind of leader I’m talking about. In short, they have all the great characteristics you and I look for in someone we want to follow.



As a result, our time with them not only makes a positive impact – it changes us. We realize that quality leadership isn’t magic, rather it’s purpose. And that’s why I’m here: to dispel myths and give you practical tips for leading well.



If You Leave It To Chance…



Because if you leave it to chance, then chances are it ain’t gonna happen! The worst thing that I can imagine, is you end up with a new leadership role and no mentor to guide you in that role. To clarify, a company doesn’t purposefully place you in a position to fail. People are busy. And that is precisely why you must not leave mentoring to chance.



If you are a leader, then you must find new and struggling leaders to come alongside. If you are a newly appointed leader, then you must search out those who have gone before you. Those who can give you the kind of guidance, advice, and encouragement, to keep you from repeating their mistakes.



All of us have an obligation to raise up the next generation of leaders. Because that team member has an opportunity to change the company, the customer, and the experience in a unique and impactful way. So how do you do this? It’s not five easy steps, but there are some useful tips that I want to share.



How Can I Make My Team Better?



First, John Maxwell says he starts each day by asking “How can I make my team better?” You don’t have to lead the team to ask this question. To clarify, you become a leader by acting like one. That means leading even when it’s not your title, responsibility, or position.



When I heard this, I remember thinking “Great, but I don’t have a team.” And in this moment, I recognized that we are a team. You and me. We form a team. How so? Well, we are engaged in the same work and activity of developing leadership ability! And this is the very definition of a team.



When I ask this question, “How can I make my team better?”, I promise you that I have you in mind as I answer it. Every day, whether looking at content or studying principles,

I was listening to Ray Edwards recently where he was sharing on his podcast 10 Uncomfortable Truths About Me. As he, Sean, and Tiffany were getting ready to sign off, he said something that I loved. Some of the things he shared in that episode (#399 if you want to listen) were going to clearly separate his people from those who are not his people. He was talking about distinctives, calling attention to what makes you and me different.



Too often, we forget this principle. You aren’t meant to be a perfect fit with everyone you encounter. You know that I regularly refer to you as unique. There’s something special and different about you that won’t resonate with everyone you meet.



Being all things to all people doesn’t work – there’s a tribe, a group who gets you. Those are the ones you have to find and plugin with…deeply. You have to be okay with that. You have views, opinions, and interests that will separate as well as attract. These unique identifiers may even cause others to work against you. Don’t worry about separating yourself and identifying as different. This is how it should be.



What are your distinctives? Lean into them. They not only shape you, but they also pull in (or push out!) others as you find, build, and connect with your tribe. I think there are challenges with words like “tribe.” Sometimes it sounds exclusionary to me and the reality is you are excluding people when you are being honest about who you are because you and your message won’t connect with everyone you contact.



So here are some distinctives about me.



First, I’m a Christ-follower. I would hope that in every single thing I say and do, that you see or hear Jesus in it. Part of the danger of telling you this is that you assume I’m some kind of religious nut job. Some of you are already certain that I am. I’d like to think that I’m not religious at all and instead value a sincere relationship with Jesus. I mean this from the bottom of my heart, not preaching at you, Jesus has changed my life.



Second, I had a HUGE fascination with trucks when I was young. There were truck drivers on both sides of my family. I grew up shifting gears for my Uncle Wayne as he delivered fuel between Denver and Greeley, Colorado. And it consumed me. I was forever building trucks out of Legos and drawing them no matter how poor of an artist I was. When I drew them, they came to life for me. And trust me, if you have never been in the cab of a truck, it is an exhilarating experience.



The highlight of my young life was getting to go in the truck with my Uncle Larry and my cousin Larry Jr to Grand Island, Nebraska. That memory is only outdone by getting to ride in the truck with my hero, my cousin Doug Steinbecker, from Greeley, Colorado out to Portland, Oregon.



I was hooked. It ran in my blood. My Uncle Larry and Uncle Dale owned a very successful trucking company that they started in Greeley, Colorado called Steinbecker Brothers. They started with one truck, then two, then three. At one point, they had more than 300 trucks and 500 trailers.



I worked hard from the time I was young. I mowed lawns as a pre-teen and not only paid for my part of the equipment but also paid for the dirt bike that I bought with my own money.



When we moved to Greeley, I got my dream job! Working in the wash rack for my uncles at their trucking company. Literally,

How many times have you said, “Wow, I didn’t see that coming!” or “That was completely unexpected!” Sometimes it’s good, but most often it’s not. Like you, I have my fair share of these surprise moments. But today, I want to offer some practical tips on how to respond when you are thrust into an unexpected circumstance.



Because of my line of work, I hear stories all the time about people who have found themselves in shock over a recent circumstance. Think about it, there are tons of examples:



* failing an important exam that will impact your career* experiencing divorce* receiving an unexpected bill that exceeds your emergency fund* losing a job* being notified of an audit by the IRS * experiencing the death of a spouse/friend/parent/child* finding your home or car broken into* having your home destroyed by a fire or natural disaster* losing significant savings over a bad investment* having to declare bankruptcy because your business failed



These are just a few examples of the things that seem to come up more frequently than any of us would like. Some of them are way more serious than others. By themselves, they are tragic and when you combine more than one, it can feel overwhelming – like you can’t go on. But you can. And that’s the most important thing for you to remember today: you can go on.



I was reminded of this recently when my son was telling me about what was happening where he works. The company had to make some very difficult decisions about how to continue operating. As you can guess, they were having to lay people off and an impact is felt by the families of several employees who were told that it was their last day.



Yes, it was unexpected. Not shocking maybe. An incident like this generally has some signals leading up to it that might indicate a problem on the horizon. But even if every one of the people in that company could say “Yep, we knew it was bound to happen!” that doesn’t make it easier when you are watching your friends, peers, coworkers, and even arch-nemesis leaving the office for the last time with a box in their hands containing several years of blood, sweat, and tears.



It actually was very emotional for me when he first told me about it. I felt like I was thrown right back into the feelings I experienced over different periods in my career. I have been the one delivering this kind of news and I have also been the one who was receiving it. Neither is better than the other.



Trust me, I’m not downplaying the significance of these events. It can be so painful. Like you, I can literally feel what that person feels who has just been told they don’t have a job here anymore or hearing that a close friend or relative has died. These unexpected events will tear a massive hole in your heart leaving you feeling scared, scarred, confused and alone.



And there were times I didn’t think I would make it through it. So this is a fantastic opportunity to talk about it. So I am. The first thing I want to remind you of when you find yourself facing the unexpected: you aren’t alone. You aren’t the only one who ever dealt with this. People much less capable than you survived. And you will too.



The second thing to remember is that emotions flow in cycles. I talked about this in more detail in Show more...