One of the most important ways that we can be kinder to ourselves and take care of our wellbeing is to set boundaries.
Part of Serving Kindness: A-Z of Kindness Recipes is B for Boundaries. I sit with Dr Rebecca Ray a Clinical Psychologist, Author and Speaker to talk deeply about boundaries and the importance of setting them. Her latest book called 'Setting Boundaries' is not just about saying 'no'.
She explores how boundaries are the key to many of the emotional and practical difficulties we encounter in daily life. Many of us, raised to be people-pleasers, find ourselves giving in to draining colleagues, friends, partners and relatives. In Setting Boundaries, Dr Ray shares science-based advice and tools to help you: - identify your boundaries and when they have been crossed - recognise the patterns and habits that have failed to support you to feel empowered - engage in difficult conversations from a place of strength and self-kindness - set clear, intentional boundaries and become your most loving, fulfilled and authentic self. She uses a science-backed, heart and hard truth approach to help big-picture-thinking womxn and creators live a life that’s fulfilling, unapologetic, and free.
She has been a Clinical Psychologist for the best part of two decades. Author of Setting Boundaries, Breakthrough, The Art of Self-Kindness, The Universe Listens to Brave and Be Happy: 35 Powerful Methods for Personal Growth and Well-Being. She has a community online about using courage and brain potential to make a meaningful difference in the world, while going gently on ourselves.
This is the summary of the recipe she creates:
Boundaries Recipe - LIMITS
L - Leader - activating your inner leader, your conscious authentic self and ask what needs to be done here?
I - Identify what the boundaries job is? What is it there to do?
M - Make the boundary known - you need to communicate what the boundary is. Make it very clear.
I - Introduce consequences if someone crosses your boundaries. Sometimes you can say them out loud. Communicate them calmly.
T - Take a stand - if the boundary is crossed, now you need do something about it. You have to follow through on the consequences.
S - Status check - boundaries are not just set and forget. You cannot set a boundary once and hope that it will be respected forever. You sometimes need to check-in that people are respecting it. Other times you might find that you evolve and the boundary is no longer necessary.
Podcast: Hello Rebecca Ray
Website: https://rebeccaray.com.au/
Socials: @drrebeccaray