So today's topic is why you need a strategy for your divorce and how to develop one. We view divorce as an event, as if one day you announce, "I'm getting a divorce," and the next day your marriage is over. The truth is, and many of you have heard me say it before, it's a journey. It's a process. It's a method by which you transition out of your marriage and reprioritize your relationships, especially your relationship with yourself.
In my 15 years of guiding people out of relationships, I've become really aware of the paradox of divorce. At a time when so much is at stake and you need to be on your game, you're likely struggling with hundreds of different emotions that are distracting you from the real and practical considerations that may have profound consequences for your future. So what I'd like to do today is give you the steps you need to get your divorce strategy on point.
One caveat, your strategy may and likely will change throughout your divorce, and that's okay. One of the big reasons why you're developing a strategy now is so that you feel more comfortable living in transition and facing the unknown. Let's get you started on the right foot.
Okay, step number one: Establish ground rules. Many separating couples choose to meet with each other or a third party to see if they can establish some ground rules for how they'll navigate their breakup and transition into divorced life. If you can make this happen, do it. Work together to answer questions like when, how, and where will we discuss divorce-related topics. Is our endgame to get to an agreement that we both can live with? What types of professionals will we hire to see us through? How and when will we tell the kids?
Separating couples who start with these basics before moving on to more complicated stuff often fare much better. And if the answer is your ex won't even sit with you in the same room to discuss these things, well, that will give you some information that you need, too, right? It will mean that you might need a lot more support and strategy - likely a lawyer who is experienced and successful at negotiating and litigating complex cases. Perhaps even a divorce coach too - a trained life coach who can help you navigate some of the challenges that come up in a prolonged divorce. Remember though - some divorces start out nasty and get much better along the way - as spouse's have time to process the breakup and get focused on making their next chapter better.
Step number two for your strategy: learn the basics. We can usually imagine, at least a little bit - what life will look like after divorce. But that transitionary period, the step between marriage and divorce, is what causes a lot of us anxiety. Many of our fears around divorce involve not knowing what to expect. So if you live in California, head over to hellodivorce.com, where you can learn what the process will look like. It's not always a linear path, sorry to say, but you'll get an idea of what you'll have to deal with at each stage of the game. You'll also find information, tools, worksheets and curated resources on your legal rights and responsibilities, self-care, financial guidance, co-parenting, and so much more.
Don't want to limit yourself to lawyers to get the information you need. Many lawyers view law in a vacuum, and that's not going to best serve your complex life. Get answers from reliable sources. You may even choose to head over to https://divorceify.com/ for vetted resources and people to help you through divorce. Just remember, by getting educated, as you already know, you are giving yourself knowledge, and knowledge is power and makes us feel more in control about the process...
To read more please check out the full blog at hellodivorce.com