Are your expectations for marriage being hijacked by obsessive thoughts and compulsive checking? You might be dealing with relationship OCD without even knowing it. If you’ve ever found yourself constantly analyzing your feelings about the person you are dating, searching for “red flags,” or wondering if you’re with “the one” God has for you, this teaching is for you. Relationship OCD (ROCD) can create unrealistic and harmful expectations that sabotage healthy relationships before they even have a chance to grow. Allow me to explore 10 distorted expectations that relationship OCD creates—and how to break free from them.
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10 Distorted Marriage Expectations Fueled by Relationship OCD
You may be dealing with relationship OCD without even knowing it. If you struggle with relationship OCD, you want to check out my book, “
The Myth of the Perfect One.”
1. Intensely Focusing on “The One God Has for You”
While wanting to follow God’s will sounds noble, this expectation can become toxic when driven by OCD. It creates two damaging pressures:
* The pressure to find: “I’ve got to find THE ONE person out there”
* The divine pressure: “I can’t miss God’s will or I’ll be disobedient”
This mindset places the decision entirely on God rather than recognizing that love is a choice you make daily. It also provides an escape route—if things get difficult, you can always say “I must have married the wrong person.”
Reality check: God gives you wisdom to make good decisions, but healthy relationships are built on your commitment to choose love, not on finding a mystical “perfect match.”
2. Seeking a “Just Right” Spouse
This expectation whispers: Don’t settle for anything less than the best. If there are flaws, you’re “settling.”
People with ROCD get triggered by the word “settling” because they view any decision involving flaws as compromising. They create mental checklists where every box must be perfectly checked off, obsessing over compatibility while constantly inspecting for what’s wrong.
Reality check: Every person has flaws. A healthy relationship isn’t about finding perfection—it’s about finding someone committed to growing alongside you. (Even that can come under the pressure of ROCD)
3. Compulsively Checking for Red Flags
While being aware of genuine red flags in relationships is wise, ROCD turns this into an obsession. You become hypervigilant, flaw-focused,
