Tessa joins us again with week with another episode from our TEEN TALKS series, where we interview teenagers to talk about their faith and the ways the Lord is growing them. Not only do we get to hear their perspective but we learn alongside of them.
A few weeks back, we were having a conversation where she mentioned this idea to me about “kids parenting themselves” and I asked if we could discuss this in greater depth. I was anxious and curious to learn more about her perspective and this episode delivers. It was very insightful and if you have a teenager and/or are struggling with a child who is desiring for independence or is isolating, I would highly recommend this episode. Send it to a friend that you know might be struggling with this. Tessa did her research and offered us wonderful insight.
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We asked, “Why can teens not be themselves around parents?”
This is a very common characteristic for teens and she shares questions that sometimes come off as judgment like,
“Why don’t you want to talk to me?”
“Why didn’t you tell me about _________?”
“I didn’t know that about you….”
These questions are often parents seeking emotional validation from their kids, “I need you to need me” and in that create an environment of pressure and the desires to be needed. Teens are feeling this as pressure and judgement.
Tessa offers us a gentle reminder, “This is my mom/dads first time at life, too” which creates a lot of space for patience and understanding. She asked a few of her friends for their opinion and this one stopped us both,
“Teens are in a phase of figuring out who we are and creating our own identity. Holding back from parents can be a means of setting boundaries and independence, it is not necessarily about not wanting anything to do with them but more about our own discovery.”
Tessa encourages us to look at Exodus 20:12, “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.”
If it is so valued by God that he would give a reward for it, it must be important to honor your parents. But, why?
God trusts that parents will raise kids in a godly and biblical way, and the way that we honor our earthly parents often reflects how we will honor our heavenly father.
TEENS: God made your parents exactly who you needed them to be….grace tells me that my mom and dad were both made in the image of God, I get to choose to see them in this same way. How are my actions, attitudes, and behaviors impacting my relationship with them?
Tessa leaves us with this very hard, but thought provoking question, “How would your attitude and treatment of the Lord be, of our Heavenly Father, if it reflected how you treat your parents?”
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CONCEPTS: Sibling placement, maturing too quickly, wanting independence, self-isolation, quality time, the cell-phone safety net, awkwardness of teens, conflict resolution, big attitudes, a relational God, scripture as a training tool, when we lose our spark, lean into the little things, asking parents, “How did you handle ________?”
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To him be the glory, SB. <3