“Let’s go around the room and introduce ourselves with your name and something interesting about you”. Does that icebreaker moment fill you with excitement?
If not, you’re not alone.
But is it simply a matter of preferences, or are there deeper processes at play when it comes to disliking icebreaker activities? That's what we explore in this episode of The Gentle Rebel Podcast.
https://youtu.be/GCkwfYppGNM
What Does “Highly Sensitive” Mean?
High sensitivity is a term used to describe the scientifically recognised trait known as sensory processing sensitivity. It’s not a disorder, but a biological trait found in around 20-30% of the population. Highly sensitive people have more finely tuned nervous systems that absorb and process sensory and emotional input more deeply.
More sensitive nervous systems naturally absorb larger volumes of environmental data and process it deeply. This means HSPs (those who score higher for sensitivity along a universal continuum), are more sensitive to social nuances and more susceptible to the effects of social stimulation. They may need time to pause and calibrate when entering unfamiliar environments and meeting new people.
Icebreaking or Ice-Melting?
This episode builds on the previous one about "
social sensitivity".
I use the metaphor of making, breaking, and melting ice to frame what happens in social settings:
* Making Ice: The natural protective barrier that forms as we orient ourselves in new environments.
* Breaking Ice: Attempts to force through that barrier, often too fast and without consent.
* Melting Ice: A gradual, relational process where connection develops at a sustainable pace.
Icebreaker: What's the most horrific icebreaker you've ever had to do? (I would love to know!)
Icebreaker activities are intended to reduce tension and help people connect quickly. But there may be times when, for HSPs, they have the opposite effect. Instead of inviting a sense of warm welcome, they can put the nervous system on the defence, unnecessarily using up energy and inner resources. This is especially true when we’re asked to perform, share personal details, or think on the spot.
In the episode, I share a few stories (including one from my time as an undertaker) that highlight this tension, and explore how the expectation to "
come out of our shell" can become a subtle form of social pressure.
Why Icebreakers Often Backfire
Many highly sensitive people need time to pause and check before jumping into social interaction. This isn’t about fear or social anxiety — it’s a natural regulation strategy that helps us process our surroundings and determine if it's safe to engage.
When that pause is misinterpreted as shyness or resistance, we can feel judged or pushed to open up before we’re ready. Over time, this can reinforce feelings of shame or self-doubt in social settings.
There is a difference between disclosure and trust. Jumping into “fun facts” can leave us feeling exposed rather than connected. This may linger in the nervous system through regret and shame.
What Helps Highly Sensitive People Connect?
We're not just here to dunk on icebreakers though. I also offer some reflections on what helps melt the ice more gently for HSPs, including:
