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In this episode of The Fatigue Fixer, Dr. Sarah Vadeboncoeur tackles the hidden exhaustion many moms face as the default parent. She explores the concept of overfunctioning—constantly doing things for your kids (and partner) they could do themselves, like making lunches or managing schedules. Through personal stories and practical parenting tips, Sarah explains how perfectionism, people-pleasing, and societal expectations keep moms feeling overwhelmed, resentful, and burnt out. Learn how to break the cycle, raise more independent kids, and redefine what it really means to be a good mom—even if it gets a little messy along the way.
Key Topics & TakeawaysThe Default Parent Dynamic- Even in supportive relationships, moms are often the first point of contact for kids, especially when they’re upset or need something.
- Societal expectations and old-school gender norms reinforce this role — often without us realizing it.
What Overfunctioning Really Is- Continuously doing tasks your kids can (and should) do themselves: like packing lunches, making snacks, or managing appointments.
- Many women fall into this pattern because, from a young age, we’re rewarded for helping and keeping the peace.
- Over time, this leads to fatigue, burnout, and frustration.
The Ripple Effect on Your Family- When you overfunction, your kids underfunction — they rely on you instead of building confidence and skills.
- Over time, this imbalance can strain your relationships and perpetuate the same dynamic into the next generation.
How to Break the Cycle- Start small: give your kids one new responsibility at a time.
- Expect (and accept) messiness and imperfection in the process.
- Work on letting go of perfectionism and people-pleasing as part of your parenting journey.
Listener Story: Janie’s “Good Mom” Evolution- Janie shares how her definition of a “good mom” has shifted from doing everything to modeling balance and boundaries.
- This reflection helps us see that our childhood memories of parenting don’t always match today’s reality.
Encouraging Age-Appropriate Independence- Let kids take healthy, age-appropriate risks, whether it’s cooking a simple meal, walking to school, or grocery shopping.
- Resource mentioned: Let Grow for ideas and inspiration.
Redefining What It Means to Be a “Good Mom”- A good mom isn’t endlessly selfless — she models self-care and resilience.
- Kids thrive when they see you taking care of yourself and setting healthy boundaries.
Links & Resources 
