This week we chat with ethnically non-monogamous matchmakers and date coaches Victoria & Ryan. We unpack how they specifically target men for date coaching (although they matchmake for both men and women) and the nuances of working in this field as a non-monogamous couple - a field that has historically romanticized hyper-monogamy. We also touch on how to get the process started as a new client, kinks, dating apps, and where the future of non-monogamy is headed. Also joining us are adult content creators JR Cruz & Jazmine Cruz of the Just Cruz'n podcast. Book a consultation with Victoria & Ryan: https://birdsofafeathermatchmaking.com/dating-date-abase-application/ ---- Victoria is a certified professional matchmaker, dating coach, entrepreneur, veteran, community builder, thought leader, speaker, writer, ENM enthusiast, and educator. She founded Birds of a Feather Matchmaking, a specialty boutique matchmaking firm specializing in ethically non-monogamous (ENM), open, poly, and swinger lifestyle relationships. She’s located in Chicago and offers her services nationwide. Victoria and her husband Ryan together, are Dating Coaches for Men who are seeking either a traditional or a non-traditional relationship, as well as men who are looking to be a more successful single male in the Swinger Lifestyle.

In 2023 Chelsea and Matt hosted a series of play parties that took over the top floor of an apartment building in Brooklyn for 30-40 people. This week we discuss the entire process so you know the challenges and pitfalls of hosting your own small scale adult fiesta. 00:00 Teaser 01:54 Past experiences with play parties 14:48 conceiving our own party 21:20 setting the vibe & the application 34:14 curating a guest list & the night of the event 47:30 lessons learned

Adult content creator Kaiden Bailey brought his big bag of thoughts! He's not a fan of how black men are portrayed in the adult content world, particularly how "BBC" content is marketed and how it perpetuates stereotypes about black men with non-black women. He dives into the nuances of how this kind of content could be shot and/or marketed to further progress past stereotypes while also maintaining the quality of the content. Kaiden also unpacks the differences of dating someone within the adult entertainment world vs outside of it, his views on adult conventions, and how he sees "the industry's" treatment of trans performers. On a more personal note, Kaiden met up with a couple on a dating app and the husband in the couple had a very interesting proposition for Kaiden. For more on Kaiden Bailey visit his X account @ kaidenbaileyXXX or Instagram @ kaidenbailey_x3 or checkout our first podcast together "Ep 3: Kaiden Bailey and How He Accidentally Became an Adult Performer"

"Coming Out" can mean more than coming out as queer. In Ep. 18 we explore what it means to come out as polyamorous, pansexual, a pornstar, a sex worker, and HSV (Herpes) positive. This week we feature writer/model/content creator Cassie Black and producer/director/actor Emily Battles whom share a baseline for what it means to perform in front of and behind a camera. Each situation is nuanced and comes with a different set of privileges, and each one has an individual experience. Battles discusses coming out as non-monogamous and bisexual in an Irish Catholic upbringing, yet Cassie Black, a sex worker, doesn't identify as monogamous. We discuss our given family vs our "chosen" family, the kinds of questions our friends ask us, and advice we'd give to our younger selves. Cassie Black also expands on her work with "Safe Slut" that focuses on destigmatizing herpes and opening up a dialogue about safe, slutty, and responsible sex. Happy Pride Month! Cassie Black: thecassieblack.com Emily Battles: See her new short series "Charms 4 Less" on TikTok @charms4lessseries

Jazmine & JR Cruz are swingers & NSFW content creators from the great state of Georgia. They also host their own podcast "Just Cruz'n" where they share their own stories about life on the road, being sexy, and making content. In this collaboration episode Jazmine and JR take turns asking Chelsea and Matt questions, and vice versa. They all discuss their non-monogamy origins, how Matt came to shoot NSFW content, Jazmine's stories around professional pole dancing, Chelsea's law background, and opening up about swinging in general with some laughs in-between. For more about Jazmine & JR visit jazminecruzxxx.com and mrsexybuns.com and look for their podcast "Just Cruz'n" on your favorite podcast platform.

You asked for a play party episode and here it is! JJ works for NYC's largest play party, as well as running his own private events & freelances for other parties throughout New York. JJ's tips include how to function as both a guest and a host at a play party. Although the party he works for often draws in cis gendered couples, his advice is perfect for newbies as well as the veteran party goer because JJ's sober lifestyle proves that you can meet new people, express your personality, give/receive consent, and get some action without the need or pressure of getting trashed. JJ's focus at parties is as an icebreaker host: setting up games and wingman-ing people early in the evening before play commences, and he brought an example of a game that Chelsea & Matt play in this episode. For more about JJ check out his podcast "Sexie Show" where he plays games with models, creators, and other people in the play community. @sexieshow on Instagram, X, FetLife, and look for his full podcast on your favorite podcast platform.

Iris Eclipse dives into the world of digital content and interacting with her fans. She talks about the nuances of being a switch, the love but also mental work of performing different personas, authenticity, and the biological complexities of performing on camera. Iris also touches on fan expectations, straight men who secretly love trans content, and some advice to new creators and also advice to her younger self. For more about Iris visit comeseeiris.com

Now that Chelsea is back in the U.S. she recounts the moments leading up to her being forced to leave her NYC apartment last year, the plans she made traveling the world, and how those plans didn't quite come to fruition. She also details the complications of trying to date abroad, making content, and just meeting new people in general that may or may not know she creates adult content. It was a moment of needed growth, and she has an idea of how NSFW content creation will play a role in her life going forward and where she wants to be. Originally live streamed via YouTube 3/22/24.

NSFW Creators Nova Rae (Twitter Nova_Ra3), Heath Avery (heathavery.com) Uptown Bunny (uptownbunny.com), and  TheUglyCouch producer Johnnyizz (Fetlife jonnyizz) discuss the work/life balance in terms of vanilla vs adult content work, but also scheduling, managing workload, using an agency, and self-care. They conclude by giving their younger selves advice.

Adult content creator Goddess Bats (they/she) unpacks their experience transitioning through different adult content projects over the years, and shares anecdotes for new creators. Bats is joined by Heath Avery (they/them) and they revisit some of the FAQs that have been flooding their inboxes. There are also tips for solo male creators and a sidebar discussion on the soft skills it takes to be in this industry (hint: it's about communication). Goddess Bats then teases future education workshops and other projects. For more on Goddess Bats visit linktr.ee/slightlyboring and more about Heath Avery at heathavery.com

In part III of our sit-down with dating and relationship coach Steve Dean, we unpack all things non-monogamy. A lot of the tools used in exploring non-monogamy can be used in monogamous relationships as well. Love languages usually evolve, and sometimes new love languages can be experienced through ethical non-monogamy. Steve goes over how to make the initial steps and stresses the benefits of running through hypotheticals, including going as far as having a "practice threesome" with a willing third participant and then re-evaluating his thoughts and feelings with his partner. Lastly, Steve reviews how to recognize bad actors and how to be confident in making certain decisions upon entering into a non-monogamous relationship. For more about Steve Dean's work visit dateworking.com or stevedean.substack.com

In part II of our conversation with date coach and dating industry consultant Steve Dean, we get back to the basics of dating advice for both online and offline (IRL) dating. How do you open up conversations? How do you get a second date? What are some creative first date ideas? These are gender neutral ideas for both monogamous and non-monogamous humans. In the second half, we discuss A.I. (artificial intelligence) dating profiles, adult performer A.I. profiles (OnlyFans, etc), as well as the pros and cons to having an A.I. therapist. For more about Steve Dean visit dateworking.com

You're not crazy, dating apps suck now, and date coach and dating industry consultant Steve Dean breaks down why. Steve takes Chelsea Bee down a wild rabbit hole of updated information on the world of dating apps. Steve's main assessment is that Tinder had a fantastic opportunity to lead the dating industry until they stopped prioritizing compatibility and replaced the industry model with the most basic forms of swipe-based attraction leading to less compatibility and more time to spend money on the app. It's not just you, dating apps made dating MORE difficult since their peak in 2014. Also discussed are fake profiles, the future of dating and AI, non-monogamy, and tips for people trying to date both online and offline. Learn more about Steve Dean at dateworking.com.

Comedian David Piccolomini (Instagram @dpiccomedy) and actor/model Emily Battles (Instagram @embattz) discuss how polyamory has influenced their art, writing, and performance style. Also discussed is the world of LARPing (Live Action Role Play) also known as "gateway poly." Why is it that so many "nerds" transition into ethical non-monogamy as adults? Or is there more to it? Emily echoes David's religious origin story and awkward adolescence and dives into how she was a late bloomer that had to make up for a ton of lost time. What advice do they have for newcomers to non-monogamy? And as always, leave your comments or messages so that we can answer them on our next show.

Chelsea leads the discussion about how being kinky in front of the camera shapes your personal life behind the camera. When did we learn we weren't meant for monogamy and how have we applied our preferences to our personal and professional lives? Also discussed is the BDSM test (bdsmtest.org) and what some of the labels mean. Guests include: Jonnyizz, Producer "The Ugly Couch" (⁠ YouTube @TheUglyCouch. ⁠) Nova Rae Heath Avery

Chelsea and Matt unpack what it means to be non-monogamous and how this has been a long journey for the both of them. Alongside the many instances of trial-and-error, they have encountered fear and vulnerability, but with self-care and a lot of communication, they’ve been able to walk down a new and exciting path in life together. During their discussion they take questions live from their OnlyFans stream - questions mostly about the work it took to become non-monogamous and how they could apply it to their own current situation(s). 

Heath Avery and Uptown Bunny discuss the nuances of their poly lifestyle and balancing it with content creation. They also talk about what kind of saucy scenes they want to do next, both as a couple and separately. They also ask Chelsea what podcasting means to her, and how it helps her in laying a good foundation with another scene partner before filming adult content. 

Chelsea talks about how she fast-tracked from dating exclusively monogamous women for ten years, to suddenly being in an open relationship with a man and creating adult content. She tells the story about how her ex hated that she was also attracted to men, and said "Maybe you want to be non-monogamous..." as an insult, only to realize months later that that's exactly what Chelsea wanted. 

Kaiden tells the story about the time he first became an adult content creator when he was called by a friend and asked to "tap in" last minute to perform in an adult scene with his friend's wife - and his life hasn't been the same since. He also has a few words for other men reaching out to models for a "collab". They also discuss whether race should be a factor in determining your sexual/romantic type.

John Gordone (Twitter: @JohnGordoneNYC) flips the script and interviews Chelsea. What has it been like working as an adult content creator for an entire year? How has she managed balancing her NYC day job? How has it been balancing her personal life behind the camera? They dig into the highs, the lows, and where OnlyFans is going in the post-COVID world with a CEO that makes $338 million dollars in bonuses.