After many generations of useless and/or unremarkable Judean kings, we finally get to Hezekiah. Hezekiah bravely stood up to the ever growing Assyrian Empire even when they threatened his people that they'd be forced to eat their own shit and drink their own piss (which is my new favorite Bible verse, by the way.) Hezekiah didn't really do much, but the Angel of Death came out of retirement and murdered 185,000 Assyrians. So Hezekiah stood victorious.
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After many generations of useless and/or unremarkable Judean kings, we finally get to Hezekiah. Hezekiah bravely stood up to the ever growing Assyrian Empire even when they threatened his people that they'd be forced to eat their own shit and drink their own piss (which is my new favorite Bible verse, by the way.) Hezekiah didn't really do much, but the Angel of Death came out of retirement and murdered 185,000 Assyrians. So Hezekiah stood victorious.
After Absalom's brother rapes their sister, he has him killed. David is upset about this for some reason and Absalom is banished out... like 10 miles away. David's General, Joab, convinces David to allow Absalom to return after a few years and that turns out to be a bit of mistake. Absalom, who had 5 pounds of hair and was therefore very sexy, starting gaining more and more popularity and control, eventually forcing David to flee... like 10 miles away.
The Bible Abridged
After many generations of useless and/or unremarkable Judean kings, we finally get to Hezekiah. Hezekiah bravely stood up to the ever growing Assyrian Empire even when they threatened his people that they'd be forced to eat their own shit and drink their own piss (which is my new favorite Bible verse, by the way.) Hezekiah didn't really do much, but the Angel of Death came out of retirement and murdered 185,000 Assyrians. So Hezekiah stood victorious.
